Need criticism and assistance

[TheYoungAtheist]

Hey everyone. I feel almost bad for not returning to the site sooner. High school life is tedious and trivial. I'd like to just jump back into the swing of things like I was never gone. I've been working on something quite far-fetched and ambitious. I plan on making a book. Whether or not my scatterbrained notes will ever see the light of day is still up in the air. But before I get to deep into it, I'd like some feedback on it. I'll just put a decent excerpt from my work thus far. Please be brutally honest, and glad to be back Note that this is also a very rough draft, and I will most likely revise many of my thoughts

"This world is and has always been the same since its very conception. Every facet of human existence in an endless downward spiral. As obvious a vile and deteriorating race we are, a surprising many are oblivious to this. Whether they just sport a large amount of ignorance , or intentionally turn away, the blunders of man are inexplicably apparent. The true and honest innovators are hopelessly over-shadowed. Many a theists believe man as god's greatest blunder. On the contrary, the mere conception of god is by far man's greatest mistake. For centuries many factions of humans have fought for the validity of there deities. All of which vary in purpose, behavior, strength, etc. Of course an individual would not dare even begin to question the beliefs they were brainwashingly raised on. Not only would peers chant blasphemy, but they would feel as if they're turning against there own countrymen. It is no trifling matter to question ones own foundations. Many find it too bothersome to even ponder. Of course this entire inquiry is up to the individual. Whether or not they continue these inquiries till revelation is but a product of there ambitious mind.

[Shell B]

Are you looking for a topic critique or an editing critique?

I'll go with the former for now and you can let me know if you needed the latter.

Firstly, there seems to be no "point" to it. I can't figure out where you are going with this. You will have to know where you are going with it before you start a rough draft. If you are trying to establish religion or belief in god as a detriment to mankind, you are going to need one hell of an outline so you can start your research.

Secondly, this is something like a random paragraph in the midst of something bigger. It is neither an opening paragraph nor a closer. In your opening, you will want to state your point. In other words, you will want to provide the reader with what it is you are trying to establish. You will spend the rest of the book establishing it, but in an organized fashion. For example, you could go through history elaborating on the negative impact religion has had on humankind, assuming I guessed your aim correctly. Start at the beginning and get to the end, making a valid point in each part. For another example, a part about the Salem Witch Trials could conclude that religious beliefs is especially dangerous when coupled with mob mentality. In the closer, you tie all of these points together and make your main point with them. Of course, you will have to weigh the "pros" of religion, if any, against the cons if you want to create a book that isn't centered on your own biases, if any.

In short, put your outline together on paper before you delve into the book. This is absolutely essential to keep track while you are writing. Otherwise, you will be re-reading your work a lot, repeating yourself or going all over the place.

[Minimalist]

"This world is and has always been the same since its very conception. Every facet of human existence in an endless downward spiral.

That's something of a downer. I'd worry that you'd kill yourself halfway through.

[Shell B]

Dude, I just got a gagillion kudos from FNM. Hmm.

[Faith No More]

Extra kudos from me to shell and min. I have no idea what happened.

Anyways, I read this before anyone had posted and came to the most of the same conclusions as shell. The big thing is that wasn't put together to have a flow of sentences expanding on your idea. I don't know if you meant this to be your thesis paragraph, but if you did, the importance of that paragraph is to clearly and concisely state the point you want to make with your writing that follows. I would suggest starting from scratch with a thesis paragraph.

[Shell B]

You're not supposed to be able to do that, so I am sure it has nothing to do with something you did. I reported the glitch.

[Faith No More]

Enjoy 'em while they last.

[Norfolk And Chance]

I think Faith No More liked Shell's post.

[Rhizomorph13]

"This world is and has always been the same since its very conception. Every facet of human existence in an endless downward spiral." he said, while using his collection of copper, silicon, gold, and viscoelastic polymer molded into a computational device connected to a web created by other such devices capable of accurately parsing billions of bits of data and routing them to the appropriate place.

Also, I challenge the idea regarding the static state of the world. I see a world in constant flux and getting better, but I'm a bit of an optimist.

[Cinjin]

Is there such a thing as an endless downwards spiral? Doesn't the very nature of a downward spiral mean that it will come to an end.