Telling my parents

[robvalue]

Hello, welcome Thanks for sharing your story. I'm sorry you're facing the difficult task of tackling your parents.

I have written a collection of advice for this kind of situation on my website here, hopefully you'll find something useful.

[SteelCurtain]

I wouldn't tell them unless they ask. I would tell them you're moving out on your own. If they ask more questions, tell them the truth.

This is not abnormal. You don't have to defend yourself. 19 year olds move out with their boyfriends every day. If they want to make it a big deal, they need to provide reasons that aren't opinions or personal beliefs.

[Exfundy]

Hello, I am almost 19 years old, living in a christian household. My parents are very active in the church, I have not been going recently and my parents haven't mentioned it. They usually just let me sleep cause I was at work late, etc.  I am going on a month long trip with my boyfriend in November and immediately after we will be moving into an apartment together. I am finically independent besides my cell phone, and living in their home.  None of my brothers and I actively show interest in church or the bible but they still assume we believe in god.  

I do not know how and when to tell them I am no longer a believer. I have to tell them because they are so against sex before marriage and cohabitation that they need to know I don't think its wrong because I am an athiest. They are super close minded and will be very angry and sad and there will be lots of arguing. Does anyone have any advice or been in a similar situation?

Thank you!

I would just answer their questions as they come. Don't feel the need to spell it all out. If they are asking the questions, they should be ready for answers they might not like.

[pocaracas]

If you're independent... then... you don't need to tell them anything.
You just do it.

You can tel them that you're going to do it... they may disagree... you can disagree to disagree and be done with it, without bringing atheistm or beliefs into the matter.... unless they do it first.

Also, welcome aboard!

[PETE_ROSE]

Welcome to the forum and if you are truly independent welcome to adulthood! Try and remember that your parents love and will continue to love you regardless of disagreements in your choices. Your life is yours to make and your decisions and choices will be yours to enjoy or endure.

Remember that your parents desire for you is what they believe will hold your best interests. Try not to fault them for loving you and wanting to set you up for happiness and success. I promise the world will look different to you at their age than it does at 19.

When things get hard, remind them that you love them and respect where they are coming from and request some time spent together just enjoying each other's company minus their attempts to impose their will on you.

Bring your boyfriend around and include him in the family. When you marry someone, you marry their family too. The more interaction they have with him, and the more they see what a positive influence he is in your life, the more they will come to love and accept him and your relationship.

Good luck my friend and again welcome to the forum.

[robvalue]

This is how you write a pleasant, helpful post rather than descending like a pack of fucking vultures. Nicely done Pete. I wish the Christian rabble we mostly get here were more like you.

[FatAndFaithless]

I..do have a couple of problems with Pete's post though.. While his advise is very warm and fuzzy, I feel that it's a bit naive, concerning the multitudinous stories about people who have had familial relationships irreparably damaged by the reaction to one's lack of belief (or homosexuality, etc). There are certain situations where it's in the best interest of the atheist to keep his/her mouth shut until they are confident they can make it on their own. And the advice to just be super open about it and bring the boyfriend in and yadda yadda...might sound 'nice,' but it can create some real, difficult, and lasting problems.

Every family is different, and it's up to Kiki to gauge how they will react to certain things and what might be the consequences of said things. Instead of advising him/her to just put it all out there and 'everything will work out,' I think it's more responsible to encourage them to consider the possible outcomes of revealing certain things (for example, introducing the boyfriend but not revealing you're an atheist, etc), and what they could gain from revealing these things.

And while yes, Rob, I do wish more folks were as open and relaxed as Pete here, the fact of the matter is that there are many people who are not, many of whom are parents. We don't know a whole lot about Kiki's family outside of their religiosity, so I think Pete's advice is a little...naive? and could lead to more hassle than it's worth.

The unfortunate fact of the matter is, a Min said in the first response to OP, that sometimes it is better to let sleeping dogs lie. I don't mean to be a downer, but I always like people to be careful about this sort of stuff.

[robvalue]

Sure yes, I agree. Sometimes it is going to be best to keep it to yourself. It depends on what the parents are like.

I just appreciate the fact that Pete is genuinely trying to help rather than being here to score Christ Points™.

[Edwardo Piet]

[KevinM1]

Hello, I am almost 19 years old, living in a christian household. My parents are very active in the church, I have not been going recently and my parents haven't mentioned it. They usually just let me sleep cause I was at work late, etc.  I am going on a month long trip with my boyfriend in November and immediately after we will be moving into an apartment together. I am finically independent besides my cell phone, and living in their home.  None of my brothers and I actively show interest in church or the bible but they still assume we believe in god.  

I do not know how and when to tell them I am no longer a believer. I have to tell them because they are so against sex before marriage and cohabitation that they need to know I don't think its wrong because I am an athiest. They are super close minded and will be very angry and sad and there will be lots of arguing. Does anyone have any advice or been in a similar situation?

Thank you!

Be sure you have all of your financial ducks in a row before doing it.  Car, rent, phone, food/utilities, enough money to pay for deductibles/co-pays, that sort of thing.  That way, if they threaten to cut you off from your phone or not accept you back if your relationship with your boyfriend turns sideways you can simply shrug it off.

And, they're against premarital sex and premarital cohabitation, but not against you going away for a month with your boyfriend?  That seems odd.