Substance Abuse Recovery Thread

[Thumpalumpacus]

I'm trying my damnedest not to.

And you can do that. If you fail, try again. You are not weak sir, you are fighting. It is all that matters. The season is inviting, but if you can pull it trough, you will receive such the satisfaction. I can say that.

I once thought I needed stuff to deal with the pain. I came to live with the pain of living and it feels painfully great.

Better off with the real world than with a security blanket.

Bah, I suck at advising people..I lived and loved through piss and shit. Had I stayed there, I wouldn't be posting here.

For all that counts.

It's all good, brotha. I'm just not in a good headspace emotionally these last couple of days -- second-guessing myself, catastrophizing, and feeling a bit triggered for it. I'll live, and I'll stay sober.

[brewer]

It's not a good time of year for a lot of us. Thinking of good times that we think never have that again, thinking of bad times and why did I screw it up, and now look at where I am. 

Stop renting out space in my head.

[Catholic_Lady]

I'm sorry so many of you are having a rough patch right now...

Wish there was something we could do to help.

[Thumpalumpacus]

It's not a good time of year for a lot of us. Thinking of good times that we think never have that again, thinking of bad times and why did I screw it up, and now look at where I am. 

Thankfully, I'm not digging that goddamned hole any more. More about what I'm doing right now and why. Meh, no sense picking at it.

[Crossless2.0]

So get this: last night my wife, who has continued using throughout my recovery, attended 'family night' at my group meeting -- a once-a-week thing they do in which loved ones can come and learn about the nature of addiction and dealing with addicts in their lives. The plan was to go out on a date night for a good dinner after the meeting. Foolishly, I had hoped that the gathering might have sparked something in her to also seek help.

So there we sat, listening to the speaker. I noticed her looking at a picture she had posted of us on her Facebook page. A minute later she's typing something on her phone. I thought nothing of it at the time, assuming she was adding something to her page. As we drove away from the meeting, she mentioned how the topic itself was triggering her to want to call the crack dealer. I said, "Don't do it. Not tonight. We are going to have a nice evening out. You don't need this."

"Well, I already texted him, and he's going to be by our place in a half-hour so let's skip dinner. I need to get home."

I fucking flipped. It's one thing to continue using during my recovery. It's been going on throughout the process and, while it grates that she is so careless about how it may affect me, it only causes disgust on my part -- not a desire to use. I've been a rock so far. But I am fucking pissed that she would do that in the middle of my meeting! The disrespect it showed me, to say nothing of the disrespect I think it showed the other addicts (many of whom have it much harder than me due to opioid use), and the disrespect she showed to the facility is incredible. It doesn't make a damn bit of difference to me that I'm the only one who knows. How dare she do that in that place!

I know, I know . . . I didn't have to go home. I didn't have to let it happen. But I'm at a point where I'm content to give her enough rope with which to hang herself. I can't do the recovery for her; I can't even make that decision on her behalf. She has to get there herself. In the meantime, I have to keep my eyes on the prize, even if it means burning one more bridge in my life. I'm not going to let her drag me down and wallow in the shit with her any more.

Sorry, just venting.

[Thumpalumpacus]

That's got to be rough, having a loved one trample your boundaries so. I hope you can find a way to get through to her, because yes, that sort of disrespect is corrosive to a relationship.

Hopefully you can talk to her about this in a sober moment of hers. And keep on keeping on.

[Catholic_Lady]

Cross, that is awful. I am so sorry the person who is supposed to love you most treated you and your situation with so much disregard and disrespect.

[Gemini]

...

I know, I know . . . I didn't have to go home. I didn't have to let it happen. But I'm at a point where I'm content to give her enough rope with which to hang herself. I can't do the recovery for her; I can't even make that decision on her behalf. She has to get there herself. In the meantime, I have to keep my eyes on the prize, even if it means burning one more bridge in my life. I'm not going to let her drag me down and wallow in the shit with her any more.

Sorry, just venting.

That's what I've heard from everyone so far--you've gotta let an addict hit rock bottom before you can help them. I hope she'll be okay, and that she doesn't lose you before she gets there.

[Crossless2.0]

...

I know, I know . . . I didn't have to go home. I didn't have to let it happen. But I'm at a point where I'm content to give her enough rope with which to hang herself. I can't do the recovery for her; I can't even make that decision on her behalf. She has to get there herself. In the meantime, I have to keep my eyes on the prize, even if it means burning one more bridge in my life. I'm not going to let her drag me down and wallow in the shit with her any more.

Sorry, just venting.

That's what I've heard from everyone so far--you've gotta let an addict hit rock bottom before you can help them. I hope she'll be okay, and that she doesn't lose you before she gets there.

I'm not going anywhere. I just don't know what the state of this marriage is going to be if this goes on indefinitely. I'm going to get on with my life, with or without her as a real partner. But no, I'm not leaving her.

The thing about hitting bottom is that "bottom" is wherever that place is when you just decide to stop digging, throw away the damn shovel, and climb out of the hole.

[brewer]

Although she has to be the one to make the decision to stop or at least not involve you, you have no duty/responsibility to enable her. Not to look the other way, not for love, not for money, not to fix, not to rescue, not "I'll wait until they figure it out".  

If the drug has a bigger hold on her than you (that lack of respect), what do you see your future with her as? I know some couples that make it work, but they are rare and not all that happy. They seem to become more of a relationship of convenience, each living mostly separate lives.  

Feel free to tell me to blow it out my ass. I know very little about your situation. Just one drunks take on your vent.