No, yeah I used to remember. But that applies to so many things.

(August 5, 2015 at 12:38 pm)Yeauxleaux Wrote: I've actually only had 2 who I did the whole deed with and another 2 who I at least got to foreplay with, so 4 in total I've had some kind of sex with.

I did some things, beyond kissing, with the boyfriend I had before I met my husband.

I bitterly regret it.

Whoever he is, he should cut broccoli out of his diet.

(August 5, 2015 at 1:24 pm)Whateverist the White Wrote: Whoever he is, he should cut broccoli out of his diet.

Uh I don't get it...

lol

(August 5, 2015 at 1:23 pm)Catholic_Lady Wrote:

(August 5, 2015 at 12:38 pm)Yeauxleaux Wrote: I've actually only had 2 who I did the whole deed with and another 2 who I at least got to foreplay with, so 4 in total I've had some kind of sex with.

I did some things, beyond kissing, with the boyfriend I had before I met my husband.

I bitterly regret it.

Why at least now you know some of what you like?

(August 5, 2015 at 1:28 pm)BrokenQuill92 Wrote:

(August 5, 2015 at 1:23 pm)Catholic_Lady Wrote: I did some things, beyond kissing, with the boyfriend I had before I met my husband.

I bitterly regret it.

Why at least now you know some of what you like?

I could have easily figured it out with my husband.

(August 5, 2015 at 1:25 pm)Catholic_Lady Wrote:

(August 5, 2015 at 1:24 pm)Whateverist the White Wrote: Whoever he is, he should cut broccoli out of his diet.

Uh I don't get it...

lol

It is a stretch and a typical hoe thing for me to say.  (Apparently what you eat affects the chemistry of bodily fluids.)

So I'm going to skip a few pages and address a particular point that no one seems to have gotten to up till that point:

Catholic_Lady - I'd like to say that in a perfect world, you CAN tell a lot about a person through open communication and kissing, but you just can't. Why? Because if that's all you're engaging in physically, you're not actually exploring you or your partner's fantasies. And while what I'm about to say may not apply to you personally, it definitely does for a significant portion of the population. Your fantasies may or may not always be applicable in real life, and the only way you're going to find that out is if you try them together.

Speaking from a place of experience, there are a lot of guys who will say they're into one thing or another to get you to be in a committed relationship with them (god you'd be surprised how many guys AREN'T up for open, casual relationships instead of monogamy) and then the truth comes out in the following months that they aren't actually sexually interested in the same things you are, or sometimes even in the things that they claimed they were.

Personal example: I'm pretty upfront about the fact that I am into BDSM. Just in the bedroom, mind, and maybe in private living space occasionally, but it's important enough to me to be a requirement for a committed partner. In fact, I almost never agree to sex with anyone without that caveat, even casual encounters, because it's my preferred kind of sex.

I have had so many guys start out by saying they're "into it" or "interested in it." There is time and discussion before sex ever happens, because the nature of what I do requires trust, but even after investing the time and energy prior to sex, guys sneak in who actually AREN'T into BDSM and there was no way to know without actually getting in the sack, either because they were lying in order to get sex OR, and this is the tricky part, THEY DIDN'T ACTUALLY KNOW.

See, the human brain is ridiculous, and people can have rape fantasies without actually wanting to get raped, and people can dream about dominating someone without actually feeling the urge to dominate, and people can dream about being abducted and impregnated by aliens or fucked by some tentacle monster without actually wanting any of those things to actually happen. And that's perfectly fine - it's part of a rich fantasy life. But suppose you're one of those people who just thought you were into something and you get married to someone who IS? One or both of you is going to end up very unhappy sexually.

If that many people you know don't regret waiting, I'd posit that they simply don't know exactly what they're missing or they're lying to save face. If you think they aren't, ask a group of people around you (if you have the guts) how many of them masturbate, and watch how many of them lie.

If you and your husband are happy, then mazel tov, I'm happy for you. I just don't believe that "waiting" is a good principle to promote. I know just as many people as you claim "don't regret" waiting who also "don't regret" having sexed up their partners before committing, because they found egregious incompatibilities that made a committed romantic relationship impossible. Not that there was love lacking. They just couldn't get the romantic part fixed. Love, contrary to what a lot of people think, doesn't solve anything. It only makes you *potentially* more willing to attempt problem-solving with your partner, and even that is iffy.

(August 4, 2015 at 11:09 pm)Catholic_Lady Wrote:

(August 4, 2015 at 9:52 pm)Pyrrho Wrote: Actually, I did not say what I have done.  I have no intention of saying what I have done.  I am simply engaged in a conversation about various ideas.

Also, I am more sympathetic to your ideas than some here.  But I do not quite agree with you.  It can work out fine, doing as you have done.  Or not.  And it is the "or not" that is at issue.  I am suggesting that, as a practical matter, it would be a good idea to make sure about the sex before marriage.  Of course, if the sex is good, then it would have been fine to wait.  It is only after the sex, though, that one will know one way or the other.

I don't see how it would make a difference... at least to me, personally. Let's rewind to 6 years ago at a time when my now husband and I were about to get engaged. But before we did, lets say we had sex as some sort of little "test." Even if the sex wasn't great, I wouldn't dump someone I loved so much over something that we had our whole lives to improve on. That's what I just don't get about folks saying they have to "test drive" other people. But I guess it's just not my way of thinking.

So you are saying that sex is not very important to you.  Just because you can "work on it" does not mean that it will actually get better.

I can certainly see waiting if sex is not that important to one.  There is no need for a test drive if one does not care how a new car feels or handles.

(August 5, 2015 at 1:23 pm)howCatholic_Lady Wrote:

(August 5, 2015 at 12:38 pm)Yeauxleaux Wrote: I've actually only had 2 who I did the whole deed with and another 2 who I at least got to foreplay with, so 4 in total I've had some kind of sex with.

I did some things, beyond kissing, with the boyfriend I had before I met my husband.

I bitterly regret it.

I didn't realise it at the time because he was my first, but in hindsight I had pretty bland sex with the first guy. I don't regret it though, I wouldn't have realised how amazing the second was without the first. The shade is, the second guy was about half the size. Size really isn't everything...