There is no loss in it for me.

(September 27, 2015 at 1:40 pm)Pyrrho Wrote: . . .
The thing is, I would rather you chop off your arm than stick it in my butt.  So we will be on the same page if you feel that way, too.
 . . .

As long as you don't want to take it home with you . .

(September 27, 2015 at 1:38 pm)emjay Wrote:

(September 27, 2015 at 1:04 pm)Pyrrho Wrote: This.  Why does the person feel the need to be a total asshole and tell you that?  If I find someone repulsive, I do not generally feel compelled to tell the person.

I can see doing something like that if the person is hitting on you and does not want to take "no" for an answer.  Then telling the person that they are repulsive may be warranted.  But not without something like that that provokes the insult.

Some people just seem to get a kick out of being brutally honest about everything without regard to social conventions. There was one guy at college who was like that and he was a right pain in the arse. To him I would like to have said, little white lies and politeness exist for a reason.

I'd never feel the need or desire to say that to someone unprovoked, but maybe if I was under threat somehow. So another one to add, from a gay perspective, is when straight guys who think they're all that are taking the piss, then it's quite satisfying to turn the tables and see their faces drop

In this sort of case, one typically can completely avoid dishonesty and just not say anything about the appearance of others.  I usually do not go about offering my opinion on the appearance of others, regardless of whether I find the person attractive, repulsive, or indifferent.

If you meet someone like him again, you might want to memorize this phrase to respond to any unprovoked crap from him or her:

"If I want your opinion, I will ask for it."

If I found out a gay guy found me un-attractive - well, I'd be absolutely crushed and heart-broken. I always thought, that when I finally admit to myself that no woman will want me - I can give up and just blow dudes... Isn't that how this homo-sexuality thing works?

(September 27, 2015 at 1:40 pm)vorlon13 Wrote: And maybe I should point out the OP stated:

". . . would you want to know?"

No, I would not want to know.  I would not particularly want to know if you found me attractive, either, as it is completely irrelevant to me, though I would not particularly object to you expressing such an opinion (depending on how it was expressed).  If you were a woman, I still would not be very interested either way, though there would then be at least a theoretical possibility of relevance if something were to happen to my wife.

In no case, though, do I want an unsolicited expression of repulsion, no matter what sex the person is.  If I were foolish enough to ask, then it would be on me.  But I don't ask people such questions, ever.

If someone wants to give unsolicited compliments, that can be okay, depending on the circumstances and manner of expression.  But unprovoked insults are never welcome.

I wouldn't care because I know it's not true.

(September 27, 2015 at 1:46 pm)Pyrrho Wrote:

(September 27, 2015 at 1:38 pm)emjay Wrote: Some people just seem to get a kick out of being brutally honest about everything without regard to social conventions. There was one guy at college who was like that and he was a right pain in the arse. To him I would like to have said, little white lies and politeness exist for a reason.

I'd never feel the need or desire to say that to someone unprovoked, but maybe if I was under threat somehow. So another one to add, from a gay perspective, is when straight guys who think they're all that are taking the piss, then it's quite satisfying to turn the tables and see their faces drop

In this sort of case, one typically can completely avoid dishonesty and just not say anything about the appearance of others.  I usually do not go about offering my opinion on the appearance of others, regardless of whether I find the person attractive, repulsive, or indifferent.

If you meet someone like him again, you might want to memorize this phrase to respond to any unprovoked crap from him or her:

"If I want your opinion, I will ask for it."

I agree there's no reason to say anything if you feel indifferent or repulsed, but I can't deny I do like to flirt which requires saying if I find someone attractive. But as I've said elsewhere, only among friends, and only if I think it would be welcome. But if someone makes it clear that they don't want to know either way, as you have and others have in the past, I totally respect that, and wouldn't go there.

Unfortunately, with the brutally honest, your recommendation doesn't usually work, for me anyway

It depends entirely on what kind of gay dude it is, and if he states a specific reason. If it's just a regular dude who just likes dudes, I wouldn't care about the opinion of me one way or the other. I'm just not his taste. *shrug* I'm not a "macho" guy, so if he's into macho guys, he's not going to like me. And that's okay.

But if it's accompanied with a specific, like "you have no taste in clothing, and the way you dress makes you look misshapen", for instance, then I'd probably take that to heart and try to fix it.

Of course, I'm straight and so I'd prefer to dress so women found me attractive, rather than men, but sometimes those concepts are synonymous, since we generally take our ideas about what is attractive from culture.

(September 27, 2015 at 1:40 pm)Pyrrho Wrote: As a general rule, I do not tell people who I find repulsive that I find them repulsive.  There is generally no need to do that.  The world has more than enough unpleasantness in it already, so why add more that serves no purpose?

 Absolutely.

A few others here have expressed similar sentiments, and I'll add my voice to it.

There is ZERO need to express a negative opinion on something unless:

A)  You were specifically asked for your opinion

B)  You're a professional movie/art/food critic, opinion columnist, or Judge, and it's your job to pass an opinion on that specific thing

C)  The thing upon which you are expressing your opinion is in some way not merely unpleasant to you,
but OFFENSIVE or damaging in some way, and something needs to be said.

D) You are participating in a forum or blog where people specifically come to air opinions, whatever they may be...
...and even then, as Pyrrho pointed out, there's really nothing constructive being accomplished by offering a gratuitously negative opinion
on something that is hurting no-one.

(September 27, 2015 at 2:41 pm)emjay Wrote:

(September 27, 2015 at 1:46 pm)Pyrrho Wrote: In this sort of case, one typically can completely avoid dishonesty and just not say anything about the appearance of others.  I usually do not go about offering my opinion on the appearance of others, regardless of whether I find the person attractive, repulsive, or indifferent.

If you meet someone like him again, you might want to memorize this phrase to respond to any unprovoked crap from him or her:

"If I want your opinion, I will ask for it."

I agree there's no reason to say anything if you feel indifferent or repulsed, but I can't deny I do like to flirt which requires saying if I find someone attractive. But as I've said elsewhere, only among friends, and only if I think it would be welcome. But if someone makes it clear that they don't want to know either way, as you have and others have in the past, I totally respect that, and wouldn't go there.

Unfortunately, with the brutally honest, your recommendation doesn't usually work, for me anyway

It may take more than once for it to sink in.  But repeating, when appropriate, "If I want your opinion, I will ask for it," will likely eventually convey the right message, unless the person is a complete moron.

Also, when socializing, you may wish to be more exclusive than some people, and exclude people who annoy you, regardless of why they annoy you.  I have been rather amazed at what some people do, who willfully socialize with people and then complain about their habits later.  If their habits annoy you, why socialize with them?  It is one thing to have a coworker who annoys one, as then one often does not have much choice, but on several occasions I have encountered people who choose to socialize with people who annoy them.  If you choose it, you have yourself to blame, when it is something that is a repeated habit.

Usually, when I point this out to people, they respond with "yeah, but..." and then say some lame bullshit nonsense.  If you choose to be with people who you know will annoy you, you are to blame for your choice.  If it is forced on you (like an annoying coworker at work), that is, of course, quite a different matter.  But many people choose to socialize with people who bother them.

This also applies to romantic relationships and is not merely a matter of platonic ones.  I remember talking with an acquaintance who was complaining about her boyfriend, who, from her description, sounded like a worthless jerk.  I told her to dump him.  She said, "but I love him!"  If one chooses to be with people who are worthless jerks, one should expect to be annoyed by it, and one has chosen it, so one only has oneself to blame.

If you put up with crap, you will very likely have crap to deal with.  Dump the worthless boyfriend/girlfriend/friend and you do not have to deal with their annoying crap.  Choose to be with them, and you choose crap, which is your fault.