I wasn't entirely sure exactly where to post about this, since it isn't really about Atheism. I just feel like I might get more helpful responses here.

I feel like my life has been tainted by religion (Christianity). My parents were once drug addicts, until I was about 8 years old. After that, they did the U turn and went to being complete Christians. They are still like this, although I do not live with them. I used to be a Christian simply because I just understood it to be true without much thought, as a child. This lasted up until I was about 14 when my sister died and I kind of went over the deep end. I dabbled in Satanism,Witchcraft and a bunch of other nonsense until I finally just stopped thinking about it. But, I have always had an anxiety disorder and it started coming back more as I started thinking about how I wasn't REALLY a believer.

Now, I'm nearly 22 and I am exhausted because I can't ever sleep, I can't concentrate, I have gained weight, I am irritable and sick a lot all due to panic attacks. I have graduated from a panic attack a month to 4-5 of them a day. And the ONLY thing I can think of is how meaningless my life is and how I am going to just stop existing one day and none of this ever really matters. I don't understand consciousness or why all of this occurred. I get so scared that I am dying so often, that dying is the only thing on my mind. I can't sleep, so I start getting sick and then I just go into WEBMD OCD mode lol.

I cannot concentrate at ALL on school and this is just killing me. I know what it is all caused by: religion. My life used to have meaning, I used to matter...but now I don't. Now I am just living in fear of that moment that everything goes dark. It's fucking scary and I'm so tired of it. I can't even sleep at night because I'm scared I might die.

I know that many of you will say that I should go to counseling...but I have. I went for several months and my counselor just "dismissed" my existential anxiety and wanted to talk about my relationship life and I honestly tried to go through with it but it never ended and I never got any help. I have tried anti-depressants (many different kinds) and they either worsen my panic attacks or make me really emotional. I'm not depressed, just when I get so exhausted from panic attacks and so tired of it interfering with my life. I have tried to deal with these things. I'm just so scared of dying and going to hell or not existing...I don't know how to get over this, be a pantheist or atheist, and call it a damn day.

I'm sorry for my rant, I am just really open for suggestions and I'm wondering if others tend to feel the same way. I feel quite alone and it's just nice to know you aren't.

Thanks so much (:

Sounds like you need to find a different psychologist, maybe even one that will prescribe you anti-anxiety meds instead of anti-depressants.

(March 1, 2011 at 4:26 am)wynnie Wrote: I wasn't entirely sure exactly where to post about this, since it isn't really about Atheism. I just feel like I might get more helpful responses here.

We're all about helpful responses to people with large and pretty text! ^_^

Stay uncertain, and one day: you will be just like me! ^_^

Quote:I feel like my life has been tainted by religion (Christianity). My parents were once drug addicts, until I was about 8 years old. After that, they did the U turn and went to being complete Christians. They are still like this, although I do not live with them. I used to be a Christian simply because I just understood it to be true without much thought, as a child. This lasted up until I was about 14 when my sister died and I kind of went over the deep end. I dabbled in Satanism,Witchcraft and a bunch of other nonsense until I finally just stopped thinking about it. But, I have always had an anxiety disorder and it started coming back more as I started thinking about how I wasn't REALLY a believer.

Now, I'm nearly 22 and I am exhausted because I can't ever sleep, I can't concentrate, I have gained weight, I am irritable and sick a lot all due to panic attacks. I have graduated from a panic attack a month to 4-5 of them a day. And the ONLY thing I can think of is how meaningless my life is and how I am going to just stop existing one day and none of this ever really matters. I don't understand consciousness or why all of this occurred. I get so scared that I am dying so often, that dying is the only thing on my mind. I can't sleep, so I start getting sick and then I just go into WEBMD OCD mode lol.

Counseling, i recommend... at least it works for some people. Death is actually really peaceful. It is peace, infact... anything less than death challenges peace.

I never did understand how other people are capable of "lol" when hey say they are depressed :S

Quote:I cannot concentrate at ALL on school and this is just killing me. I know what it is all caused by: religion. My life used to have meaning, I used to matter...but now I don't. Now I am just living in fear of that moment that everything goes dark. It's fucking scary and I'm so tired of it. I can't even sleep at night because I'm scared I might die.

I don't believe it is caused by religion... at best religion is an accessory to the cause (like giving a bad thing a hat). It's not the darkness to be worried about, it's the things you leave behind. The embrace of the darkness is full and you will be at peace. It's leaving the world that knows not peace that should terrify you... not arriving at death

Quote:I know that many of you will say that I should go to counseling...but I have. I went for several months and my counselor just "dismissed" my existential anxiety and wanted to talk about my relationship life and I honestly tried to go through with it but it never ended and I never got any help. I have tried anti-depressants (many different kinds) and they either worsen my panic attacks or make me really emotional. I'm not depressed, just when I get so exhausted from panic attacks and so tired of it interfering with my life. I have tried to deal with these things. I'm just so scared of dying and going to hell or not existing...I don't know how to get over this, be a pantheist or atheist, and call it a damn day.

Counseling was the simple answer If one counsellor does not work, you could try another. Hell might be a valid concern, if it actually was a place that you could go... but death? Dying sucks, no doubt about it... but death itself? I recommend you just think about the most peaceful moment you've ever had, and imagine it even more peaceful. There's death.

Quote:I'm sorry for my rant, I am just really open for suggestions and I'm wondering if others tend to feel the same way. I feel quite alone and it's just nice to know you aren't.

Thanks so much (:

Some of us feel horridly depressed for absolutely zero rational reason. I tend to bounce between bubbly and deep depression, but I am not even marginally worried about death. Dying yes, and those few moments when you feel that you well could be are likely terrifying (I have had similar, but it would seem far less severe cases of such, notably psychotically quickened and painful heart beats and horrid pains in the brain that a girl could only hope is not a stroke). But from this silly philosopher, who wishes she could involke the "product of the soviet system" line right now: worrying about what death is like is only for people that are unsatisfied with life. Find a way to be more satisfied with your life, and your 'crisis' of what is not existentialism, but uncertainty, will fade with time

WIsh people wouldn't use existentialism to say 'uncertainty', that almost hurts my senseless squirrel feelings

Yes, sounds to me you need a better psych. I recommend one that does cognitive-behavioral therapy, the use of ansiolitic meds may or may not be needed (depending on the severity of your case). It is a therapy with good success rate on anxiety disorders and as long you keep the will force to change you'll be ok. There are alot of support groups online that talk about it should you want to google them to find out more about it or share with others that have the same problems.

Just remember that you need to find a technician you empathize with and keep an open mind about the procedures.

I'm not sure if this will help, and it will sound HORRIBLY cheesy.

It seems you need something to live for. Your life doesn't have meaning ? Give it some. Give yourself goals to focus on, have a dream that you want to accomplish, anything works.

(March 1, 2011 at 7:37 am)Rwandrall Wrote: I'm not sure if this will help, and it will sound HORRIBLY cheesy.

It seems you need something to live for. Your life doesn't have meaning ? Give it some. Give yourself goals to focus on, have a dream that you want to accomplish, anything works.

And understand that YOU CAN do it!! No if buts or maybeeees!!
Might take a while but you will get there.

(March 1, 2011 at 4:26 am)wynnie Wrote: I wasn't entirely sure exactly where to post about this, since it isn't really about Atheism. I just feel like I might get more helpful responses here.


I cannot concentrate at ALL on school and this is just killing me. I know what it is all caused by: religion. My life used to have meaning, I used to matter...but now I don't. Now I am just living in fear of that moment that everything goes dark. It's fucking scary and I'm so tired of it. I can't even sleep at night because I'm scared I might die.

I think that dealing with our own mortality is much like the grieving process. Grieving for ourselves, I guess. How long it takes to come to terms with it varies from person to person, but you will come to terms with it. What happens to our consciousness no one knows, it does not go to Hell, that concept was created by man to scare people into behaving themselves when no one was looking. Work on focusing your attention on life, if you feel that yours has no meaning, you need to find out what it is that gives life meaning, and it is not religion. Religion provides one false system of beliefs that works fine for people who prefer not to think for themselves, society offers another system which basically is: go to school, get a job, get married, have kids, retire, die. These distractions work for some people, but discovering what it is that makes life meaningful is a journey. Embrace the journey. (Nearing the end of life, I can tell you that it is a wondrous journey.) As for your anxiety, some is normal, but if it is truly debilitating, find a professional who can help you with it, there are good ones and bad ones. When I said that things like school, job, marriage and kids were distractions, I did not mean to dismiss them as meaningless, they are not. They are things that are very meaningful for many people. But you should not do them because the owners manual says to. You need to determine what is meaningful to you and do those things because it is important to you.

I'm sorry that you are so confused because of exposure to certain unsavory things. I have had some serious anxiety in my day. In my case, it was brought on by heart medication (gotta love side effects) and it just never went away when I stopped taking the meds. (Doc says my brain readjusted its levels, so to speak.)

Have you tried exposure therapy to deal with your anxiety? A good counselor can help you with that and it seems to be (based on my experience with PTSD sufferers and my own anxiety) one of the best treatments for anxiety. I sort of handle my anxiety that way, but without a counselor.

I agree with Jaysyn, I think it would be appropriate for you to go on some anti-anxiety meds rather than anti-depressants. You sound depressed too to me, but I'm not qualified to make such an assessment.

Anxiety can be really intense too. Not just depression. I'm on anti-anxiety meds myself, and at first they didn't seem to do much, but they take a while to kick in - I seem to be doing much better now. I hope you get well as soon as possible.

Oh, and

to wynnie:

I don't know exactly what to say, but I'll try to say something useful: If you have a problem, try to see what exactly that problem is and try to solve it. Ignoring the problem (by not thinking about it) might not be the best solution. You know, the reason why you can't sleep, can't concentrate, you're irritable, etc. What causes that.

wynnie Wrote:And the ONLY thing I can think of is how meaningless my life is and how I am going to just stop existing one day and none of this ever really matters.

Life is indeed meaningless. This thought causes some people to commit or attempt committing suicide. It seems that we, unlike animals are not satisfied only with what we see and what we touch. There need to be more than what we can see: You know, even fantasies prove that, thirst for supernatural phenomena, dreams, day-dreams, religions, etc. all prove that. Sometimes even a strategy game where a player can change history can fascinates him, by making him see more than it is (and perhaps even convince him to study history to know what actually happened).

wynnie Wrote:I get so scared that I am dying so often, that dying is the only thing on my mind.

wynnie Wrote:I'm just so scared of dying and going to hell or not existing...I don't know how to get over this, be a pantheist or atheist, and call it a damn day

if this is the reason, perhaps you should study about death and dying... If this doesn't scare the hell out of you : ) )
If it doesn't, you can begin with these:

http://www.deathreference.com/Gi-Ho/Gods...Death.html
http://www.deathreference.com/Gi-Ho/Hell.html
http://science.howstuffworks.com/science...rience.htm
http://science.howstuffworks.com/science...-death.htm
http://science.howstuffworks.com/science...rience.htm

Hopefully they are useful, not only interesting.