Sorry to be so blunt, but... You're screwed...
I guess... The best you can do is make him see that all religions are the same and offer the same... hot air and good wishes.

There are books on the psychology of belief, like "The believing brain" by Michael Shermer, but... a believer will read that and think it's a croc of shit, in spite of all the studies that are presented to substantiate all the claims. There's always a way to reinterpret science to be in tune with the belief in god...
Maybe show him actual cases of people who claimed they could talk to god or for god.... like old Van Gogh who thought he was Jesus, at times...
Will he connect known brain malfunctions with his own religious experiences? doubtful... they never do...
Would you doubt your own experience, if it aligned with your perception of reality, even if other people were showing you alternative and more realistic ways to explain those experiences?

Some people are just more vulnerable to faulty reasoning over their brain's inner workings... and religions prey on that. At any given moment, roughly half the population is prone to it... and a good deal of the rest operate from indoctrination and faulty arguments, like Ad Populum or From Ignorance.

It sucks and I know a bit of what you're going through... the wife has recently turned a bit more radical than what I'm comfortable with...

Sorry to hear that JoJoP. You could try the Socratic method of questioning. Don't tell him that his beliefs are wrong, just ask questions that reveal how illogical they are. The problem is that people start with questions and then stop when they find answers that they are happy with. But they stop too early and ignore further questions which would reveal that they have the wrong answer.

If you do this without being emotional, or getting aggressive, no matter how ludicrous his beliefs sound to you, then he won't become defensive and stop listening. You won't get him to change his beliefs from such a conversation, but you may plant seeds of doubt in his head.

I agree with Poca.

If you feel you have the need (or justification) to use mind control techniques to make your partner acceptable to you again, the relationship is basically doomed. You just don't get to do that...

People do deconvert but it's not something that you can force on someone else. There's a lot of pain in deconverting and the desire to do so has to come from the person. Whether it's because they can't cope with the cognitive dissonance, or it's just not satisfying their personal needs or they don't like the idea of lying to themselves etc. You'll need to figure out what your boyfriend's values are and this will help you figure out how to proceed. For example he might not care about whether he is believing a crock of shit but needs a sense of fellowship, identity or needs to make sense of the world etc.

Why not just try to enjoy his company? Does it really matter that he believes? He still loves you and cares about you, it seems. That itself should be more than enough.

It may be an unconscious passive aggression-- he may know that you disapprove of his new world view, and be willing to leave it "in God's hands" whether you will come around to his view or eventually push him away. In that case, he can think he supported you, he gave you free choice, you missed the call to God, and he's off scott free without having to stick around and help someone he loved through a very hard time.

In other words, I suspect the whole X-tian thing is a front for good ol' cowardice, and that anything you say will only accentuate his guilt, make him even more flighty, and make him act even more religiously buggy. Eventually, he'll start sacrificing sheep in the living room and speaking in tongues, until you take the hint and leave.

Now, I don't know him, and I could be 100% wrong. But I don't think I am. His behavior is too inconsistent with loving support, and too consistent with passive aggression. Maybe he loves you too much, feels helpless, and is on tilt. But I don't think there's anything you can do to get beyond it except to get cancer-free; but if he's not there through that period, then you need to wonder-- not if he loves you, but if he's worth keeping around.

(August 3, 2016 at 8:16 am)bennyboy Wrote: It may be an unconscious passive aggression-- he may know that you disapprove of his new world view, and be willing to leave it "in God's hands" whether you will come around to his view or eventually push him away.  In that case, he can think he supported you, he gave you free choice, you missed the call to God, and he's off scott free without having to stick around and help someone he loved through a very hard time.

In other words, I suspect the whole X-tian thing is a front for good ol' cowardice, and that anything you say will only accentuate his guilt, make him even more flighty, and make him act even more religiously buggy.  Eventually, he'll start sacrificing sheep in the living room and speaking in tongues, until you take the hint and leave.

Now, I don't know him, and I could be 100% wrong.  But I don't think I am.  His behavior is too inconsistent with love, and too consistent with passive aggression.

Interesting hypothesis...

Breaking free from religion and staying away requires a very strong will, it's something like quitting drugs. It's next to impossible to have someone quit just through talks, rather they need some personal motivation and lots of support. As I see it, if you truly want to be with him you have to make a compromise for now and give him time. He most likely went that route because he was alone and vulnerable, so if you move away he'll only get pulled in deeper. Many atheists are in loving relationship with theists and are making it work. Don't push him away, rather have patience and hold onto him with lots of love. It'll take time, maybe years, but slowly you can make him see logic and reason again. Keep trying!