(August 22, 2016 at 11:53 pm)Won2blv Wrote: I misspoke, we haven't been separated for a whole year. That incident was just a year ago. I know that I don't want to be married anymore and I assume that it is inevitable that the marriage will end. I Just have no idea what kind of therapy is best for someone in my situation. I feel bad too because I know she'll feel broadsided (even though we have talked about it very openly) She is going to guilt trip me and use a lot of what if you're wrong questions. I want the best for her, I don't think I'm that though.

What if you're wrong -about what-?  That you no longer wish to be married to her?  It's difficult (but not impossible) to be "wrong" about that...but definitely worth exploring.  If it's a "what if" regarding something -else-...you could remind her that it's about you and her, not you and her and god...and that ultimately, you're the initiator of this decision...so she's off the hook with the big man up above in any case.  I don;t know many people who believe that god will devalue or punish them because their spouse left them.

(August 22, 2016 at 4:28 pm)ScienceAf Wrote:

(August 22, 2016 at 3:53 pm)RozKek Wrote: That's not how it works. If he's depressed he should definitely take anti-depressants unless it's mild and can be overcome with CBT, mindfulness/meditation, exercise, and a healthy diet. Depression, anxiety and mental illnesses in general aren't as simple as saying fuck it, thinking it through a bit more and skipping anti-depressants. I'm not here to attack you personally, I'm just trying to avoid having not so good advice handed out.

I know depression personally. I wanted to kill myself many times. I didn't. I didn't want to kill myself for silly reasons like my xbox was taken away or some shit.

It was because I knew that as a brown person I would have to work twice as hard as the white man next to me,
I would be a minority for being atheist,
my dad's dying, etc.

And I'd recommend anti depressants but have you seen the side effects.

Take Valium for example.

Side effects:
Fainting
Dizziness
Thoughts of suicide,
Death, etc


Maybe some minor anti depressants would work but in reality they don't solve anything.

I thought this through because I knew that this man's life is in need of help.

I'm not gonna throw out advice that I haven't researched.

Personal experience with an illness does not qualify you to dispense medical advice.  The only person who would be justified in recommending an individualized treatment plan for the OP is the medical doctor/licensed therapist who evaluates him. No one else.  Least of all strangers on the Internet.

(August 22, 2016 at 6:34 pm)Won2blv Wrote: [edit] She told me that she can't respect someone that doesn't believe in god. [edit]

I could be totally off base but to me this feels like a relationship ultimatum to me. Manipulation for the upper hand. If it were me that would probably be the final straw.

Is your wife the one where all fer friends and activities are linked to the church?

Have you talked to her pastor? Alone?

I wouldn't recommend going to therapists (this morning I read it as "rapist" and I was like :o till I realized it was just my dirty mind dreaming of things ). I've visited therapists a few times in my life and it never ended well, mostly for themselves. They tend to put their noses where they don't belong.

(August 23, 2016 at 7:19 am)Rhythm Wrote:

(August 22, 2016 at 11:53 pm)Won2blv Wrote: I misspoke, we haven't been separated for a whole year. That incident was just a year ago. I know that I don't want to be married anymore and I assume that it is inevitable that the marriage will end. I Just have no idea what kind of therapy is best for someone in my situation. I feel bad too because I know she'll feel broadsided (even though we have talked about it very openly) She is going to guilt trip me and use a lot of what if you're wrong questions. I want the best for her, I don't think I'm that though.

What if you're wrong -about what-?  That you no longer wish to be married to her?  It's difficult (but not impossible) to be "wrong" about that...but definitely worth exploring.  If it's a "what if" regarding something -else-...you could remind her that it's about you and her, not you and her and god...and that ultimately, you're the initiator of this decision...so she's off the hook with the big man up above in any case.  I don;t know many people who believe that god will devalue or punish them because their spouse left them.

She would be talking about the religion and god stuff. I still do have doubts about my doubts. But I think that I would be better off exploring those feelings on my own too. I do feel for her because we have been married for some time now. She is going to be sick over it but at the same time, I know she'll be ok because she'll have her "community" still.

(August 23, 2016 at 9:07 am)mh.brewer Wrote:

(August 22, 2016 at 6:34 pm)Won2blv Wrote: [edit] She told me that she can't respect someone that doesn't believe in god. [edit]

I could be totally off base but to me this feels like a relationship ultimatum to me. Manipulation for the upper hand. If it were me that would probably be the final straw.

Is your wife the one where all fer friends and activities are linked to the church?

Have you talked to her pastor? Alone?

Yeah she is kind of manipulative in areas. I can't judge though because I know I've done the same thing I did talk to one of the elders and he just doesn't want me to lose faith. JW's don't believe in hell, we believe that the earth's system as we know will be destroyed and replaced by gods kingdom. Its not a matter of me going my whole life and then ending up in hell, its a matter of this system being destroyed and me being on the wrong side.

I still look at the world today and worry that I am wrong for doubting. This article was put the jw website recently https://www.jw.org/en/bible-teachings/qu...hecy-sign/

I know that in certain ways, the world is safer and more peaceful than ever, but at the same time I can see how things could be revving up for the worse disasters in history.

So basically, I know this stuff will be brought up. And its not that I don't necessarily disagree with them. I just can't process everything openly with my wife

(August 23, 2016 at 10:08 am)Won2blv Wrote: She would be talking about the religion and god stuff. I still do have doubts about my doubts. But I think that I would be better off exploring those feelings on my own too. I do feel for her because we have been married for some time now. She is going to be sick over it but at the same time, I know she'll be ok because she'll have her "community" still.

Right, and it needs to be made clear that doubts, no doubts...god, no god, what doesn't change is that you no longer desire to be her husband.  That were you to stay because "doubts" or "god" for example, she would be stuck in a show marriage.  I'm sure she respects herself enough, and that you respect her enough, to understand why this won't work for either of you.  

These things need to be separated firmly, and caringly - like two people that have spent alot of time together and care for each other might.  As you said, she will have her community to talk the god stuff over with, if she feels the need.  With them, it won't be an argument or an adversarial confrontation.  With you, it would be...and it won't address the issue of your marriage regardless of the turnout.

"I don't know whether or not I believe in god, but I do know that I no longer wish to maintain this relationship as it is". Eh? This might, at least, reduce the level of anxiety and tension between you..which is going to be important in the course of a split.

Sounds like you might need a marriage and faith counselor more than psych.

So, do you believe all of those statements in the link?

If this is the way you feel, you may be happier living Pascals Wager. Lot's of people do it and are just fine.

(August 23, 2016 at 7:28 am)LadyForCamus Wrote:

(August 22, 2016 at 4:28 pm)ScienceAf Wrote: I know depression personally. I wanted to kill myself many times. I didn't. I didn't want to kill myself for silly reasons like my xbox was taken away or some shit.

It was because I knew that as a brown person I would have to work twice as hard as the white man next to me,
I would be a minority for being atheist,
my dad's dying, etc.

And I'd recommend anti depressants but have you seen the side effects.

Take Valium for example.

Side effects:
Fainting
Dizziness
Thoughts of suicide,
Death, etc


Maybe some minor anti depressants would work but in reality they don't solve anything.

I thought this through because I knew that this man's life is in need of help.

I'm not gonna throw out advice that I haven't researched.

Personal experience with an illness does not qualify you to dispense medical advice.  The only person who would be justified in recommending an individualized treatment plan for the OP is the medical doctor/licensed therapist who evaluates him. No one else.  Least of all strangers on the Internet.

Well duh, but I admitted my fault later on in the thread.
He obviously wouldn't listen to my advice, think about it.
I'm young, on the internet, and unknown.

I know that relationships can have different religions and they work but only if both parties want them to work. You two went into the relationship on the same page and you did blindside her by jumping ship. It isn't what she signed up for and doesn't agree with it. If you don't believe and she can't respect that then the point is to let go, respect is the biggest part of a marriage. If you are doubtful of your faith and think you could go back I think you should get therapy and not ruin your marriage over thinking. If you are pretty sure you won't go back I can't see you being happy there. As a JW that is a bit more that just being Christian I'm sorry but that is a bit more in the crazy pool and you won't win anyone to your side there by doing anything other than being a good follower. Honestly the whole JW ordeal is pretty scary to me from all the stories ex ones have told now this could just be gossip and rumors played up for attention but I think pulling away is the only way to really look around you with open, unbiased, eyes.

Also we are all just words on a computer screen trying to give advice to someone we don't know for a situation we aren't in. Our advice is relative and you are the only one that knows all the facts. Usually gut feelings are the best and if you need to get a therapist get one but get one that isn't involved in religion.