I really want to hurt myself right now. Not kill,just hurt. It's a difficult urge to resist. Maybe talking about it will ease the desire.

I'm a terrible person. I realm am. I'm a bad housekeeper and a bad wife. I fuck up everything. I lose my temper too often. My college degree is from I fucking TT, the one that just shut down for basically being an overpriced pay for an A. I'm stupid, my memory is actually damaged. I'm an utter coward. This isn't fishing for compliments. People who think I'm nice, well yeah I try, but deep down I'm a judgmental bitch. I think horrible thoughts, and I'm afraid of everything.

I've done ok at staying out of this dark place for a while. Maybe just dipping my toes on now and then. But I am currently paddling around alone. I needed understanding, and what I got was a clear message that I don't perform my wifely duties often enough or with sufficient enthusiasm. Not a new complaint. I've tried to improve, I just don't have much of a libido.

He never hugs or kisses me unless he wants sex. My birthday is in a few days and he's been giving me gifts early, but now it seems that as always, he was hoping they would earn him sex. He's said so plainly on more than one gift giving occasion. Should just have him return it all. I clearly don't deserve any of it. I'm lazy, I look so old now, and I'm sick so often. No wonder he only wants one thing out of me, the rest is garbage. When he graduates and doesn't need my money anymore, will he keep me around? Am I worth keeping? I don't feel like it right now. I feel very worthless.

And now im empty. Thanks for reading my emo baby pitty party. Just knowing im needy enough to hit post instead of just deleting this fucked up bitch fest makes me even angrier. I'll probably delete it tomorrow, but for now I need to say it. Like throwing up when you're sick, I needed to purge this poison out.
So, now im empty and going to sleep. I hope.

You are not a terrible person. You're clearly a wonderful mother. I can see how much effort you put into that. Focus your energies on that and let your hubby figure out his own problems. You can get through this, I'm always but a pm away if you need to talk or vent <3

I'm really getting off to all the salty election tears of the insane SJW's right now, they've been lying, ironically trying to oppress others and fucking with people's lives over nothing for the last few years and I'm just getting the best feeling off of watching them squirm.

(November 11, 2016 at 5:39 am)Bob Kelso Wrote: I'm really getting off to all the salty election tears of the insane SJW's right now, they've been lying, ironically trying to oppress others and fucking with people's lives over nothing for the last few years and I'm just getting the best feeling off of watching them squirm.

Ha, I know right?

It's hilarious.

Wish I could rep you twice.

(November 11, 2016 at 3:42 am)Aroura Wrote: I really want to hurt myself right now. Not kill,just hurt. It's a difficult urge to resist. Maybe talking about it will ease the desire.

hmmm... nope. You live in one of the best places in the world! How can you be thinking that?

(November 11, 2016 at 3:42 am)Aroura Wrote: I'm a terrible person. I realm am. I'm a bad housekeeper and a bad wife. I fuck up everything. I lose my temper too often. My college degree is from I fucking TT, the one that just shut down for basically being an overpriced pay for an A. I'm stupid, my memory is actually damaged. I'm an utter coward. This isn't fishing for compliments. People who think I'm nice, well yeah I try, but deep down I'm a judgmental bitch. I think horrible thoughts, and I'm afraid of everything.

Been there, done that...
meh.

(November 11, 2016 at 3:42 am)Aroura Wrote: I've done ok at staying out of this dark place for a while. Maybe just dipping my toes on now and then. But I am currently paddling around alone.

---

I needed understanding, and what I got was a clear message that I don't perform my wifely duties often enough or with sufficient enthusiasm. Not a new complaint. I've tried to improve, I just don't have much of a libido.

He never hugs or kisses me unless he wants sex. My birthday is in a few days and he's been giving me gifts early, but now it seems that as always, he was hoping they would earn him sex. He's said so plainly on more than one gift giving occasion. Should just have him return it all. I clearly don't deserve any of it. I'm lazy, I look so old now, and I'm sick so often. No wonder he only wants one thing out of me, the rest is garbage. When he graduates and doesn't need my money anymore, will he keep me around? Am I worth keeping? I don't feel like it right now. I feel very worthless.

---

Clearly something went wrong at some point in time...
Can you think back to that point and try to restore things as they were?

yeah, yeah... bad memory... my memory sucks, too... still, people think I'm smart... poor deluded people -.-'

(November 11, 2016 at 3:42 am)Aroura Wrote: And now im empty. Thanks for reading my emo baby pitty party. Just knowing im needy enough to hit post instead of just deleting this fucked up bitch fest makes me even angrier. I'll probably delete it tomorrow, but for now I need to say it. Like throwing up when you're sick, I needed to purge this poison out.
So, now im empty and going to sleep. I hope.

HAHAHA, now that I've quoted it, it's stuck on the interwebz forever!
(hehe... I'm so evil!)


So... what do you mean by "Nerd Extraordinaire"?

I see dead people. 'Dead' being emotionally stunted humans.

(November 11, 2016 at 6:43 am)Sal Wrote: I see dead people. 'Dead' being emotionally stunted humans.

We prefer the term emotionally impaired, ableist.

(November 11, 2016 at 6:45 am)Bob Kelso Wrote:

(November 11, 2016 at 6:43 am)Sal Wrote: I see dead people. 'Dead' being emotionally stunted humans.

We prefer the term emotionally impaired, ableist.

You don't have to like it. I'm being honest, but in no way am I being discriminatory. If anything I feel sorry for them for being so emotionally blind.

(November 11, 2016 at 6:49 am)Sal Wrote:

(November 11, 2016 at 6:45 am)Bob Kelso Wrote: We prefer the term emotionally impaired, ableist.

You don't have to like it. I'm being honest, but in no way am I being discriminatory. If anything I feel sorry for them for being so emotionally blind.