(December 11, 2016 at 8:55 pm)Losty Wrote:

Moderator Notice
Thread has devolved far enough into the realm of flame warring. I suggest everyone take a break, go get some fresh air, and then walk away from it forever. If you can't walk away then remind yourself to cool down because we do have a rule against flaming.

No way should Losty have to referee this .. whatever it is.  

Hammy, for whatever it might be worth, arguing with others about the way they're perceiving you is pretty pointless.  The brute fact is they are perceiving you the way they do.  They can't be mistaken about this.  Doesn't mean you have to let their perceptions determine your self image.  They can be wrong about who you are, but they can't be mistaken about how they are perceiving you.  If their impressions are important to you you just have to acknowledge that even if they aren't what you'd like them to be, that is the way you're coming across.  Just sit with that a while.  No need to do anything at all.

For those upset with Hammy, care to say what about Ham's actions/words/behavior (?) you find upsetting?  I assume you're not mad at him for being who he is.  It did seem at one point as if he were asking for people's impressions.  But if he is having a hard time dealing with those now maybe we should just let it go?

One of the keys of recovery for me is the understanding that I cannot control how others see me, and to just be the best person I can be ... And hold on to those who seem to see the real me.

(December 11, 2016 at 8:08 pm)Thumpalumpacus Wrote: To everyone involved -- comes a time when we should realize we're shoveling good money in after bad.

Picking at wounds generally slows down healing.

I highly doubt Nymphadora or anyone here would have minded resetting this whole business, and I tried ending this chapter with love for all so he could come back and not feel uncomfortable.  Instead he came back to pick at his own wounds, demonstrate that the water is not under the bridge, and inflict new wounds with a smile on his face. That shit doesn't fly, and you can't force it to.

Moderator Wrote:Speedbump

Rules Wrote:

• Flaming
  Flaming is not allowed. We consider flaming to be the act of creating a series of posts that are either entirely or mostly comprised of insulting language aimed at another member, whether they are involved in the thread or not. This rule is intended to prevent members from using the forums to attack other members repeatedly. 
  
  As discussions that involve controversial or taboo subjects often tend to get heated for those involved, the occasional insult is to be expected, and will not violate this rule. Staff will take into consideration the context surrounding the insult when determining whether this rule has been violated. More generally, a violation of this rule occurs when a member's posts are repeatedly inflammatory or insulting without adding anything to the discussion at hand.
  
  

Albeit far from me to question the mods decision to speedbump this thread, I see no flaming, here, and simply feel censored at this point. Any reconciliation I could've acquired with Alisdair has now been completely halted because our discussion is now halted. He can neither respond to my question about where he apologized like he said he did, nor can I explain to him why a long term friendship of sorts, is over and where he went wrong. What's more--is that he reiterated his invitation for "honesty" from us. Any messages I sent him were constructive, not insulting. If he's honest with himself and us we might've had a progressive discussion. Instead we are met with censorship. Protecting a member from themselves through such means isn't going to remedy anything. Report me if you want, I've done nothing wrong. 

Catholic Lady what exactly are you laughing about? Just curious. 

(December 11, 2016 at 9:43 pm)Whateverist Wrote: No way should Losty have to referee this .. whatever it is.

Yah, especially when there are other things she could be... 'moderating...' *swivels hips suggestively*

Not laughing. Just posted a funny smiley to lighten the mood.

Luckie, I'm not casting aspersions at anyone here -- lord knows I was digging in too, earlier in this discussion. I like everyone involved and find the disharmony here sad.

Again, not pointing fingers at anyone. I guess I just wish everyone could walk away rather than make things worse with continued bickering. Sorry if my interjection came off as sanctimonious or as an admonishment.

Well sometimes you have to wade through shit to get to a better spot. Hammie chose the wading through the shit path, so I was perfectly fine with going down that road with him, in search of reconciliation at the end of the day. Now, its just over. Discussion was shut down. No amends. No growth no progression, just.. nothing. Which I suspect, is most of Hams issues in life.

I'll be bowing out of this thread now. Never blocked someone before for real, guess there's always firsts.

Well, that's probably for the best. I don't care for the speed bump myself given the hammering I got a month ago saying something about some inflammatory posting going on, but Losty's got her job to do and doesn't need my back-seat driving.