It's crunch time at my college this week, and it's so hard to stop myself from relapsing. I have so many connections on the campus... for stim meds, paste, meth... all of them help me with getting my finals and final papers done. I crave the speedy feeling. I have so much to do... this'll be the first "finals week" in my 3 years here that I won't be using anything (aside from caffeine) to get through it. All I have to do is get through the rest of today, and the rest of the work will be manageable. But today... oh god, I'm so overwhelmed.

Finals week is a bitch for anyone, especially for those accustomed to getting through it with some form of speed. I wish I had good advice for you, but everything I can think of doesn't really apply to someone who is under the gun and stressed out as hell. Do you have a sponsor or someone you can call to talk you through it?

Hang tough, Aegon. As you said, get through today and it gets more manageable. You can do it!

(December 15, 2016 at 4:38 pm)Aegon Wrote: It's crunch time at my college this week, and it's so hard to stop myself from relapsing. I have so many connections on the campus... for stim meds, paste, meth... all of them help me with getting my finals and final papers done. I crave the speedy feeling. I have so much to do... this'll be the first "finals week" in my 3 years here that I won't be using anything (aside from caffeine) to get through it. All I have to do is get through the rest of today, and the rest of the work will be manageable. But today... oh god, I'm so overwhelmed.

This may come across as unfeeling or uncaring but don't cave to the crave. It will only hurt you in the long run. You'll get thru this!

(December 15, 2016 at 4:44 pm)Crossless1 Wrote: Finals week is a bitch for anyone, especially for those accustomed to getting through it with some form of speed. I wish I had good advice for you, but everything I can think of doesn't really apply to someone who is under the gun and stressed out as hell. Do you have a sponsor or someone you can call to talk you through it?

Hang tough, Aegon. As you said, get through today and it gets more manageable. You can do it!

My housemate is aware of my problem. He usually helps me when the going gets tough.

I miss the feeling of being able to do anything. That's what it gave me. The efficiency, the euphoria... it's funny how I can spout all this spiritual B.S. to other people but I can't listen to it myself when push comes to shove. Such is the irrationality of addiction, I suppose.

(December 15, 2016 at 4:51 pm)mh.brewer Wrote:

(December 15, 2016 at 4:38 pm)Aegon Wrote: It's crunch time at my college this week, and it's so hard to stop myself from relapsing. I have so many connections on the campus... for stim meds, paste, meth... all of them help me with getting my finals and final papers done. I crave the speedy feeling. I have so much to do... this'll be the first "finals week" in my 3 years here that I won't be using anything (aside from caffeine) to get through it. All I have to do is get through the rest of today, and the rest of the work will be manageable. But today... oh god, I'm so overwhelmed.

This may come across as unfeeling or uncaring but don't cave to the crave. It will only hurt you in the long run. You'll get thru this!

Not uncaring at all, quite the opposite. I appreciate it.

(December 15, 2016 at 5:04 pm)Aegon Wrote:

(December 15, 2016 at 4:44 pm)Crossless1 Wrote: Finals week is a bitch for anyone, especially for those accustomed to getting through it with some form of speed. I wish I had good advice for you, but everything I can think of doesn't really apply to someone who is under the gun and stressed out as hell. Do you have a sponsor or someone you can call to talk you through it?

Hang tough, Aegon. As you said, get through today and it gets more manageable. You can do it!

My housemate is aware of my problem. He usually helps me when the going gets tough.

I miss the feeling of being able to do anything. That's what it gave me. The efficiency, the euphoria... it's funny how I can spout all this spiritual B.S. to other people but I can't listen to it myself when push comes to shove. Such is the irrationality of addiction, I suppose.

Yes, but always remember that it's the brain chemistry talking. The irrationality of addiction is grounded in the dopamine tone.

Good luck with your finals. You know the drill: one assignment -- and day -- at a time.

(December 15, 2016 at 4:38 pm)Aegon Wrote: It's crunch time at my college this week, and it's so hard to stop myself from relapsing. I have so many connections on the campus... for stim meds, paste, meth... all of them help me with getting my finals and final papers done. I crave the speedy feeling. I have so much to do... this'll be the first "finals week" in my 3 years here that I won't be using anything (aside from caffeine) to get through it. All I have to do is get through the rest of today, and the rest of the work will be manageable. But today... oh god, I'm so overwhelmed.

If you need to talk, give me a call. Stay strong, brotha, stay strong.

---

(December 15, 2016 at 5:04 pm)Aegon Wrote: I miss the feeling of being able to do anything. That's what it gave me. The efficiency, the euphoria... it's funny how I can spout all this spiritual B.S. to other people but I can't listen to it myself when push comes to shove.

It's my opinion that when we spout "BS", we're really sending a letter to ourselves, talking to ourselves.

You know what you have to do. Follow your star.

Drop the recovery part and I fit right in this thread. Drinking again, and looks like it's going to be that way for a while.

I'm trying my damnedest not to.

(December 15, 2016 at 11:51 pm)ApeNotKillApe Wrote: Drop the recovery part and I fit right in this thread. Drinking again, and looks like it's going to be that way for a while.

This is making it sound like your drinking is related to tough times. 

Feel free to PM me if you wanna talk. I may not have many words of wisdom to share, but I will listen.

(December 16, 2016 at 10:59 am)Thumpalumpacus Wrote: I'm trying my damnedest not to.

And you can do that. If you fail, try again. You are not weak sir, you are fighting. It is all that matters. The season is inviting, but if you can pull it trough, you will receive such the satisfaction. I can say that.

I once thought I needed stuff to deal with the pain. I came to live with the pain of living and it feels painfully great.

Better off with the real world than with a security blanket.

Bah, I suck at advising people..I lived and loved through piss and shit. Had I stayed there, I wouldn't be posting here.

For all that counts.