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And that’s not a fair representation of everything I’d be willing to do for you. I’d give up anything and anyone for you and your brother. The look in your face, though. My baby knows I mean business now, huh? Honey, I’ve been telling you all along. I love you two more than anything and anybody else. I’d give up my life for you, whatever that could ever mean, in any shape or form. I will be just fine. Look at us. We’re getting there, papi. And let me tell you something. I’d do it all again if I had to. If only you knew the half of it. Mami’s got you. And if I can’t do something, I’ll find a way to fix that. Hey, little tiny-tiny boy, I know it’s not a competition, but I have a feeling you’re getting the picture of real life facts. You might have mixed feelings, but by now you also know that you have a huge support system right here. Momma’s got you.
Also... about the other day. You don’t know this yet, but it wasn’t so bad. You messed up. In life that is bound to happen. What’s important is that you learn from your mistakes right now, because this is what will shape you. I wish I could just tell you that it’s no big deal, but you learned something huge, so it kind of is, right? You’ll be fine. You showed accountability. That’s your character being formed. You’re fine. Wish you were here right now, though. I always do.
"Hipster is what happens when young hot people do what old ladies do." -Exian
You probably thought I fell off the face of the earth...oh, wait, it's not flat. Scratch that. Who knows what you thought, and whether you care or not I am going to tell you.
We were not quite fine with the room we had. I had return the expensive laptop to get us a couple more weeks in the room at the motel, but even by the end of those two weeks my boyfriend still had not gotten a job.
We had to return to the car shortly after the new year and we are still in the car. Where am I right now? I decided to visit the public library to update everyone on my status.
My boyfriend finally did get a job. Two of them actually, which is bringing in some much needed extra money. Hopefully, by the end of this week or next week we will be able to get another room and remain there. With both of us working, it should not be an issue. Until his seasonal affective disorder kicks in again sometime in the future where we will end up homeless again. If that happens, I doubt I will be able to stay with him. I cannot, CANNOT, do the homeless-sleeping-in-the-car thing for a fourth goddamn time. I will not. Absolutely will not.
I have been entertaining the idea of getting my CNA to earn a better paycheck and get out of the stupid retail business. I figure dealing with patients is a step up from dealing with ignorant customers who think I should be serving everything to them on a silver platter. I want to do the paid training program, but I cannot seem to find anything available in the area. If I am going to take a class, I need to first be situated out of the car where I can properly focus on my studies.
When we get a room, it will be a while before I get another laptop. Therefore, unless I decide to visit the library, you will rarely see me on the forum. I still refuse to get a cell phone, not like I could actually afford one while living in the car although even homeless people seem to have cell phones now.
Take care. *hugs*
"Never trust a fox. Looks like a dog, behaves like a cat."
~ Erin Hunter
(February 5, 2018 at 10:20 am)Lutrinae Wrote: CIJS,
You probably thought I fell off the face of the earth...oh, wait, it's not flat. Scratch that. Who knows what you thought, and whether you care or not I am going to tell you.
We were not quite fine with the room we had. I had return the expensive laptop to get us a couple more weeks in the room at the motel, but even by the end of those two weeks my boyfriend still had not gotten a job.
We had to return to the car shortly after the new year and we are still in the car. Where am I right now? I decided to visit the public library to update everyone on my status.
My boyfriend finally did get a job. Two of them actually, which is bringing in some much needed extra money. Hopefully, by the end of this week or next week we will be able to get another room and remain there. With both of us working, it should not be an issue. Until his seasonal affective disorder kicks in again sometime in the future where we will end up homeless again. If that happens, I doubt I will be able to stay with him. I cannot, CANNOT, do the homeless-sleeping-in-the-car thing for a fourth goddamn time. I will not. Absolutely will not.
I have been entertaining the idea of getting my CNA to earn a better paycheck and get out of the stupid retail business. I figure dealing with patients is a step up from dealing with ignorant customers who think I should be serving everything to them on a silver platter. I want to do the paid training program, but I cannot seem to find anything available in the area. If I am going to take a class, I need to first be situated out of the car where I can properly focus on my studies.
When we get a room, it will be a while before I get another laptop. Therefore, unless I decide to visit the library, you will rarely see me on the forum. I still refuse to get a cell phone, not like I could actually afford one while living in the car although even homeless people seem to have cell phones now.
Take care. *hugs*
I was wondering where you went. Good to know you're doing better. Well, sorta better. Hang in there, man.
February 9, 2018 at 1:05 am (This post was last modified: February 9, 2018 at 1:11 am by Kernel Sohcahtoa.)
CIJS,
I'm very grateful that I've decided to self-study mathematical analysis. In particular, while I was doing some proof exercises today, I experienced firsthand how awesome it is to harmonize various mathematical ideas, exercises, and theorems in order to establish the truth of a given mathematical statement, which IMO, was a very rewarding endeavor.
Also, I'd like to thank Daniel Solow for his book "How to Read and do Proofs": he emphasized the importance of being able to fill in the details of a proof written by someone else and to effectively make sense of it via self-explanation and learning to spot key words which indicate the usage of basic proof-writing techniques. This skill has been invaluable to me, especially when I need to make sense of the proofs that have been presented in my analysis book.
I remember a conversation between us about five years ago. Our friendship was barely starting and we felt we could talk about anything. I was joking about Mexicanism, and you mentioned something about the guy at the bar and how you could tell he was about to get laid by the way he stretched as he waited for the tab. You were telling me about your ex and I was talking about my current trust issues as our friends chugged down tequila and I tried not to gag at the smell of it, because as you learned that day, I hate tequila.
You then said something that I haven’t forgotten. You said it’s ideal to date a girl who has slight self esteem issues, because this way they won’t feel they’re above you. You said it’s ideal for there to be just a tad of insecurity and for them not to know just how hot they really are. You seemed to be joking.
Years went by and you were there through everything. You helped me move my shit from that house to my tiny studio. You helped me feel safe when I thought I’d end up being one of those murdered women found at the end of a ditch, killed by her hateful ex. You and I became the best of friends and we shared everything. Our compatibility was so satisfying. You dated and told me the stories. My heart shattered once, and you saw me soak the pieces in whiskey and stouts. You broke a few hearts, I kissed a few frogs, and we told out stories over football, poetry nights, craft hunts, and political debates.
You met me when I was in a toxic relationship. I was being called names, I felt hideous, and I was accustomed to abuse. When I broke free, you watched me grow taller and you heard my voice thicken. By the time I was stronger, I had learned that you wanted more than just to be friends.
Why am I still driving around as if I haven’t found “it”? Why am I not convinced? Many reasons, but listen...
You tell me I’m a “ten”, then you follow by mentioning one of my flaws and how you don’t mind it, because you’re 40 and old enough to know what things really matter. You tell me your friends can’t wait to meet me in your home state, then you warn me that the short guy is into -taller and skinnier- so he won’t be attracted to me. Did I ask? What makes you think it ever crossed my mind that your friend could like me that way? When I’m worried about my flaws (the usual one that make me unhappy) you notice and bring them up, followed by “you’re perfect for me”. And I can’t tell what this is. Do you want to remind me how hideous I am, so I stay insecure and need you to be strong, or do you really like me, flaws and all? Am I judging you unfairly as if you were comparable to my hellish past? Are you maybe really actually amazing, but I have a filter of bad experience that makes it difficult to appreciate your greatness? Are you a dick? Are you a bully?
I don’t know. I really don’t. I’m in the middle.
Here’s the thing. I’m going to get to the bottom of this and there’s something you should know. If it’s what I think it is, you’re at a loss. I have learned to love myself. I like my walk. I like my voice. I like my mannerisms. I like my accent. No, I won’t change the way I pronounce “chef”, “Chevron”, Charlotte”, or “caramel”. Fuck that. This is a part of me. I won’t get jealous of other women, because I’m not the jealous type. I won’t stop playing my music, because you gave me a lesson on what “real, actually good music” is like. I won’t stop going just to play it safe. I’m free and freedom has been tasting amazing to me. I’m feeling strong and strength has been tasting amazing to me.
So, what’s up? What’s this about? Am I being paranoid based on my past experience? Am I being unfair? Or... am I onto something? Have I caught you trying to remind me that I’m not fire?
I will figure this out and whatever it is will determine what happens next. Here goes nothin’.
"Hipster is what happens when young hot people do what old ladies do." -Exian
February 11, 2018 at 9:38 pm (This post was last modified: February 11, 2018 at 9:39 pm by Fireball.)
(February 11, 2018 at 8:19 pm)J a c k Wrote: CIJSAIJBH...
I remember a conversation between us about five years ago. Our friendship was barely starting and we felt we could talk about anything. I was joking about Mexicanism, and you mentioned something about the guy at the bar and how you could tell he was about to get laid by the way he stretched as he waited for the tab. You were telling me about your ex and I was talking about my current trust issues as our friends chugged down tequila and I tried not to gag at the smell of it, because as you learned that day, I hate tequila.
You then said something that I haven’t forgotten. You said it’s ideal to date a girl who has slight self esteem issues, because this way they won’t feel they’re above you. You said it’s ideal for there to be just a tad of insecurity and for them not to know just how hot they really are. You seemed to be joking.
Years went by and you were there through everything. You helped me move my shit from that house to my tiny studio. You helped me feel safe when I thought I’d end up being one of those murdered women found at the end of a ditch, killed by her hateful ex. You and I became the best of friends and we shared everything. Our compatibility was so satisfying. You dated and told me the stories. My heart shattered once, and you saw me soak the pieces in whiskey and stouts. You broke a few hearts, I kissed a few frogs, and we told out stories over football, poetry nights, craft hunts, and political debates.
You met me when I was in a toxic relationship. I was being called names, I felt hideous, and I was accustomed to abuse. When I broke free, you watched me grow taller and you heard my voice thicken. By the time I was stronger, I had learned that you wanted more than just to be friends.
Why am I still driving around as if I haven’t found “it”? Why am I not convinced? Many reasons, but listen...
You tell me I’m a “ten”, then you follow by mentioning one of my flaws and how you don’t mind it, because you’re 40 and old enough to know what things really matter. You tell me your friends can’t wait to meet me in your home state, then you warn me that the short guy is into -taller and skinnier- so he won’t be attracted to me. Did I ask? What makes you think it ever crossed my mind that your friend could like me that way? When I’m worried about my flaws (the usual one that make me unhappy) you notice and bring them up, followed by “you’re perfect for me”. And I can’t tell what this is. Do you want to remind me how hideous I am, so I stay insecure and need you to be strong, or do you really like me, flaws and all? Am I judging you unfairly as if you were comparable to my hellish past? Are you maybe really actually amazing, but I have a filter of bad experience that makes it difficult to appreciate your greatness? Are you a dick? Are you a bully?
I don’t know. I really don’t. I’m in the middle.
Here’s the thing. I’m going to get to the bottom of this and there’s something you should know. If it’s what I think it is, you’re at a loss. I have learned to love myself. I like my walk. I like my voice. I like my mannerisms. I like my accent. No, I won’t change the way I pronounce “chef”, “Chevron”, Charlotte”, or “caramel”. Fuck that. This is a part of me. I won’t get jealous of other women, because I’m not the jealous type. I won’t stop playing my music, because you gave me a lesson on what “real, actually good music” is like. I won’t stop going just to play it safe. I’m free and freedom has been tasting amazing to me. I’m feeling strong and strength has been tasting amazing to me.
So, what’s up? What’s this about? Am I being paranoid based on my past experience? Am I being unfair? Or... am I onto something? Have I caught you trying to remind me that I’m not fire?
I will figure this out and whatever it is will determine what happens next. Here goes nothin’.
ALL women are fire. Just mess with either one wrong, you get burnt. That shit about flaws isn't how one treats anyone. That bit about tequila? WTFIWWY? Everyone knows meskins love tequila! BTW, I love your writing style!
Also, drop this guy like a hot brick. I think his memory isn't what yours is, and he'll keep that shit up. This advice is worth every penny you paid for it.
If you get to thinking you’re a person of some influence, try ordering somebody else’s dog around.
Can I just say, and I'm just being honest...
ALL women are fire. Just mess with either one wrong, you get burnt. 
That shit about flaws isn't how one treats anyone. That bit about tequila? WTFIWWY? 
Everyone knows meskins love tequila! 
BTW, I love your writing style!
