Quote:Really? Do I usually come off as narcissistic, or just in this post?

No,not really,it a was joke Joyce.

That you feel the need to ask suggest there might be something wrong.

You are only paranoid of your perception of being hated is true. Usually,people tend to like, dislike or are indifferent to others.Takes far too much energy to hate.

People have no obligation to like,accept or understand you,nor can you change their behaviour. The best you can do is treat others as you want them to treat you. In the long term,it tends to work mostly. If people are unable to accept you as you are,avoid them, or change your own behaviour. Trying consciously to constantly please,or simply not offend others seldom works.


Perhaps consider becoming a 'joiner' and spend a LOT more time around others. Plus, this may sound strange: If you help others,you WILL feel better about yourself. Consider, volunteering for something where you help others.


You're OK my friend, and you are not alone.

Participating helps a fuck load.

Having an interest that makes you stand out is another. Something that makes you unique.

(April 1, 2012 at 9:31 pm)Aegrus Wrote: Look, thanks to all the replies, but I've been trying to be myself and just not worry about it for 19 years. In that time, I've made literally two friends, most days I don't talk to them, and I've never even had a date. I feel lonely and miserable every day. The "be yourself" sentiment hasn't worked for me so far. I think it's time for a change.

Meanwhile I tend to have some sociopathic tendencies and everyone loves me... people are strange. I've always felt like I've been missing something that makes me "human" and I approximate emotion 90% of the time but it seems to be working for me just fine.

"Being a joiner" has never worked for me, nor has being "nice and polite". Being the opposite is of little value as most people can spot BS and when you are being fake.

Finding something that interests you, like gardening and learning how to garden will bring you into contact with like minded people but the best I could say is... just be yourself, no airs or graces, no phoney attitude.

I think I can count on one hand the number of friends I have had in 5 decades. I have been acquainted with so many more. Guess I'm just a bit of a loner and am happy with that. Sometimes I find it is good to be on the outside looking in.

my2c

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Thought you might like this...

(April 1, 2012 at 11:16 pm)thesummerqueen Wrote: Participating helps a fuck load.

Having an interest that makes you stand out is another. Something that makes you unique.

I've always loved writing. It's a form of escapism. On the downside, no one else who lives near me writes. I've signed up to three writing forums now. My problems persist there- no matter how many people I try to talk to, no one wants anything to do with me. Even the two people I've befriended and talked down from suicide stopped talking to me immediately after their personal crisis passed. That's probably a bad sign. . .

I just wish I knew what I was doing wrong. If I knew I could at least try to fix it.

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Aagh, what am I doing? I don't even know why I started this thread. It's not your responsibility to help me. I'm just whining now. Don't worry about me- I'll figure something out.

Stop giving a fuck.

I realize that sounds harsh, but believe me...there are days where I wish people would just leave me the hell alone and find things to do without me. Write. Writing is a solitary activity. Once you have a bunch of stuff written and out there, people will eventually gather.

That's part of why I love gardening - it's such a solitary pursuit, but later I can connect up with people.

(April 1, 2012 at 11:50 pm)thesummerqueen Wrote: Stop giving a fuck.

I realize that sounds harsh, but believe me...there are days where I wish people would just leave me the hell alone and find things to do without me. Write. Writing is a solitary activity. Once you have a bunch of stuff written and out there, people will eventually gather.

That's part of why I love gardening - it's such a solitary pursuit, but later I can connect up with people.

Ha, lol. I just realized how melodramatic I sound in this entire thread.

No, telling me to stop giving a fuck doesn't sound too harsh. That's good advice, actually. There's no point in worrying about people who don't worry about me. Thanks.

(April 1, 2012 at 9:31 pm)Aegrus Wrote: Look, thanks to all the replies, but I've been trying to be myself and just not worry about it for 19 years. In that time, I've made literally two friends, most days I don't talk to them, and I've never even had a date. I feel lonely and miserable every day. The "be yourself" sentiment hasn't worked for me so far. I think it's time for a change.

*three friends*
I know where you are coming from. You won't end up being happy by being someone else. Stick with the "be yourself " sentiment a little longer and you've got my vote.

Re OP:

I don't know. I can't relate. People have always loved me and not cause I'm the nice guy. Don't get me wrong, I'm nice ... just not the nice guy. Rather the opposite. When everybody else is busy trying to please & placate - I've always been the one saying, "wait, this is horse shit!" (or something similar)


At any rate. I don't have much advice for you - but I can tell you this for sure...

If people don't like you it's almost always your fault. Perhaps you talk to much, or your stories are boring, or you're too opinionated, or you're not opinionated enough, or you have an annoying creepy stare. Whatever the case - it's ALWAYS (and I mean 100% of the time) the fault of the person in question and not (contrary to their own delusions) the rest of the entire world around them.

Sorry. I think you're just fine, and have no problem with you whatsoever, but facts are facts ... being yourself doesn't work if no one on earth wants to be around you for any lengthy duration of time.

Because you post things like this thread.