Why does everyone hate me?

[Whateverist]

People are perverse and love a puzzle more than anything else. Most assume that everyone needs someone and those of us that mosey along without that need are mysterious and (my favorite over-used descriptor) "intriguing."

I don't know about you but what I really need in a steady relationship is someone who doesn't need me too much. I spent Saturday with my youngest cousin who is in her mid to late 30's. We talked about her relationships and goals. When she found out Lia and I have been together almost 30 years she really wanted to know how that could still be interesting and how we could still stand each other. I think the secret is we both have things to do which we really care about and we're both grateful that the other has the same. If I didn't have this relationship then I would have to pour a lot of time into creating it. I'm happy to have the time to garden, walk and prepare my classes instead.

Oh, almost forgot to ask: Which puppet were you Summer?

[thesummerqueen]

I wasn't any puppet. I'm not a good actress and I'm not clever enough to write in a voice that isn't my own. I had fun arguing with Shell's and Cinjin's puppets.

But to the rest of your statement, just using e-mail for example, I'd rather a guy who can sit and send me one long e-mail reply once or twice a day, if that, than some dude who has the time and the...I don't know...obsessive need for entertainment, to write me several mid-length replies all goddamn day. [crosses eyes]

The guy I'm currently seeing has his own shit to do. Some days we send short e-mails all day long, and some days we go 24 hours without speaking because we're busy (though he'll come find me in some way after that just to touch base, and then we're okay.) Of course, we're 300 miles away from each other, so it's easy to enforce, and time spent in each other's company is way more pleasurable then. But I'll tell you I really think being stuck in an apartment together fucked my ex and I over. He needed a garage to dick around in and I needed a yard and garden.

[Mister Agenda]

Look, thanks to all the replies, but I've been trying to be myself and just not worry about it for 19 years. In that time, I've made literally two friends, most days I don't talk to them, and I've never even had a date. I feel lonely and miserable every day. The "be yourself" sentiment hasn't worked for me so far. I think it's time for a change.

You should be me! I'm confident, sincere, and darn it, people just like me.

On the other hand, when I was 19 I wasn't so different from you. Who you are changes over the years, it's impossible to know how you'll turn out, but it's certain there are things about your future self that would surprise you if you could know about them.

[BoyWonder]

Look, thanks to all the replies, but I've been trying to be myself and just not worry about it for 19 years. In that time, I've made literally two friends, most days I don't talk to them, and I've never even had a date. I feel lonely and miserable every day. The "be yourself" sentiment hasn't worked for me so far. I think it's time for a change.

19?
Then you've only just started. So don't get your knickers in a twist. You've still got around three quarters of a century to make friends!

[Aegrus]

No fucking kidding. "You're always in your garden! You're always doing schoolwork! Why don't you want to hang out?! Don't you want to watch movies?" Well, frankly, no I don't want to watch movies, and no I don't want you to "help" me in the garden.

If someone had told me 15 years ago that the best penis magnet in the world was ignoring a guy and him realizing that whatever you were doing was 100x more absorbing than his attention, I might not have suffered self-esteem issues.

Now I chuckle when my friend Niall, who grew up in his father's nursery, announces to my "suitors," "There are thousands upon thousands of interesting plants. If you think you can compete with that, your ego is sorely fuckin' mistaken."

And for some reason this makes the dipshits try harder, because it makes it their personal mission then to prove that they're worthy of notice, even though I'm not really worth that sort of effort. Amusing...until I get tired of it and ignore them and then hear their complaints about how I don't have time for them, and that I'm stuck up, and really I warned them in the beginning.

Truth is, I make time for the ones who are genuinely interesting and who I can actually share things with - friends or lovers. And most of them are busy too, doing what makes them great, so it works out.

Aergus, from personal experience, guys I've met IRL might chat me up a bit just for having tits and a vag and being in the same group, but it's when they realize I have things to talk about and a passion that makes them really come alive - whether or not they have one of their own. If you spent some time just working on you and the things you're interested in, getting yourself published or whatever and some experience under your belt, you'd find that other people would light up out of curiosity of finding out what makes you tick.

People are perverse and love a puzzle more than anything else. Most assume that everyone needs someone and those of us that mosey along without that need are mysterious and (my favorite over-used descriptor) "intriguing."

Interesting. I'll have to think about this. Thank you.

[Voltair]

I agree with the others that caring so much is not a good thing. I am one of those people who has a bad habit of trying to control my circumstances a bit too much at times. You need to learn to let go and live and just see what happens. One other thing that helps me out is I go out of my way to entertain people. I usually don't have problem getting friends although I am far from popular.

Finding an interest is a good thing too. There is some phrase I think that is good wisdom too, "Before you date you need to first be able to be happy while alone". With other people you could try finding out what interests them and then invite them to come do what interests them with you.

This is important to: DO NOT DO NOT DO NOT try and control the socials situations you are in. If you do it will come off as awkward etc. I mean this with just general friends and women. Just go out, have a good time, get to know people, and let things develop.

Also if you want people to get interested in you try just asking them about themselves. Just let them talk/spout off and do that for awhile and they will feel like they had the best conversation with you ever even though you said nothing. My dad told me this "People's favorite topic is themselves". Might be worth a shot and if nothing else its a wonderful social experiment

[Violet]

Or you could do like I do... months will slide by without me talking to a person.

Feels like last week.

I swear... just yesterday it was august 25th. April 24th is practically tomorrow. So much to do, gotta get the lease, roommates, etc all handled before I go. Got to confront the damn kitchen nazi and see what I can do regarding furniture. Got to communicate with people for a 3 week period, and arrange a way for me to pay for the lease using split their money and my money.

Oh, and I've got to stay in regular contact with people... not something I am used to doing.

At all.

Does it really matter if a bunch of people hate you? Not to me... not so long as there are people that like or love me in the world. Make friends and your enemies will just seem to melt away.

Unless you're like me... then they do melt away.