Most of my morality was learned in reaction to my biological father, who may well have been a sociopath, but in any case was manipulative, lying, and abusive. Quite simply, I figured that the opposite of what he would do was the right thing. This served me well for most of my childhood.

I remember how I used to pray to God to fix the problems I came across and how I promised complete devotion in return. I was actually foolish enough to do so about 4 months ago.

A person who I thought was a friend let me take the fall on a marijuana-related incident (my first offense ever, for anything). It was a small amount of weed and everyone I talked to (including lawyers) said it was no biggie and it'll blow over. I end up getting deported from the U.S. in my junior year of university with a 3.5 GPA having to explain to my conservative Arab dad why (I had a mental and emotional melt down for what seemed like ages).

I believe I am a moral person. I never discriminate, I like to help the needy, and I don't deceive people, so why was God doing this to me? If this was God's "plan" for me, then I didn't want anything to do with it. I continued to study on my own, did some research, and realized how deluded religions and religious beliefs are.

(May 18, 2013 at 2:18 pm)seeking_truth Wrote:

---

I remember how I used to pray to God to fix the problems I came across and how I promised complete devotion in return. I was actually foolish enough to do so about 4 months ago.

A person who I thought was a friend let me take the fall on a marijuana-related incident (my first offense ever, for anything). It was a small amount of weed and everyone I talked to (including lawyers) said it was no biggie and it'll blow over. I end up getting deported from the U.S. in my junior year of university with a 3.5 GPA having to explain to my conservative Arab dad why (I had a mental and emotional melt down for what seemed like ages).

I believe I am a moral person. I never discriminate, I like to help the needy, and I don't deceive people, so why was God doing this to me? If this was God's "plan" for me, then I didn't want anything to do with it. I continued to study on my own, did some research, and realized how deluded religions and religious beliefs are.

---

Oh man, that is sick! But that had nothing to do with gods, its just stupid laws made by men. I mean really? They have alcohol legal, that is like 10 times worse than weed. And what gives any government the right to play nanny?

And there is no gods plan, just the agenda of rulers and clerics to controll the masses for their behalf. In the case of catholics, with the added bonus of choir boys to fuck.

Wow seeking_truth. That's terrible.

---

futile, I'm sorry your dad was like that. I'm glad you learned from him in a positive way, though.

LastPoet, yea I get what you mean but to me that was the big turning point in the religion debate playing out in my head. I relied on science to say enough is enough and turned to philosophy to rationalized that morality really doesn't need a religion to back it up.

As a child, my morals were shaped by religion.

As a teen, by my peers/contemporaries.

As an adult, by myself. My true life basis was formed in my late teens/early twenties. I essentially do as I please, when I please, and realise that the true man is full in his faculties and answers to nobody.

Essentially, I wish the me at my current age (33) could go back and teach the 13 year old me how to live. that would have shit people up, and caused others misery no end lol.. (who cares, anything goes in life, everybody knows that).

As a man I don't generally care about the effects of my actions. i so no real reason to.

My parents and pastors wherever I lived controlled what I did and how I thought. I actually believed they could read my mind and I was afraid of thinking anything that could bring shame to my family. If I almost (note, I said almost) let a boy kiss me, my guts began to hurt for days until I felt I prayed enough to wash me of my sins. My mom always said, "Take good care of your testimony. It takes years to build a good one, but it only takes a minute to bring it down." So, I couldn't talk to boys if there was not another person present. I couldn't listen to "secular" music, no going to the movies, no magazines, no pretty clothes, no speaking or thinking insults, no masturbation, no going out with friends ever, etc. If it wasn't pure, it was filthy.

I said this before in another thread, but when I was six I witnessed a man rape his daughter. He made me watch the door so nobody came in. He threatened me to do the same to me if someone came in and caught him. I hated myself forever for not being able to save her and for not sacrificing myself for her safety. My prayer every night before bed until I was 19 years old went like this, literally, "Father in heaven, forgive me for all my sins. Thank you for life, food, and my family. I beg for you to protect Israel. God... you know what I want to say and I can't say it. But, I'm sorry. I'm also sorry for being what I am."
For being what I am... because I hated men. I hated men for so long I thought I was lesbian. Sure, I liked a boy here and then, but mostly they made me gag and I was attracted to girls. I discovered I wasn't later, but I still liked women. My conclusion was that I was doomed to hell. I lived my life trying to win God's love. I even registered in an institute which turned out to be a convent. I had to escape because they were... sick.

My parents always told me to question everything preachers said. They didn't show me how to do that. They just bought me tons of Christian books and always engaged in Christian debates around me that I turned out to be pretty rebellious when it came to accepting view points. So, as a result, I began to question their view points as soon as I left the prison (cough), er, institute.

Now I think for myself. My morality is shaped by myself, my experiments, my research, my feelings, my conclusions about what others suggest, but me, me, me. I'm done being controlled to the bone. I'm done being controlled in my mind. That's the reason for my signature here.

Edit to add: When I say I discovered I wasn't, I mean I wasn't lesbian, but yes attracted to girls. In other words, I was bisexual.

(May 27, 2013 at 11:01 am)dazzn Wrote: and caused others misery no end lol.. (who cares, anything goes in life, everybody knows that).

That is a theist phrase, and one beloved of conformists everywhere .. everybody knows that.

Thread revival!

(May 18, 2013 at 1:26 pm)rexbeccarox Wrote: Insanity x, do you think your stealing, racism, etc. were a result of a lack of direction by your parents?

In part I guess. Mostly it just came from having friends like that. I was never really sold on much of what we did which is probably one of the reasons I was the only one to grow completely out of it.

(May 18, 2013 at 1:26 pm)rexbeccarox Wrote: Did your friends have similar situations at home?

I had it the best really. My parents were usually at least around somewhere for the most part if I really wanted them. One of my friends had 7 siblings and both parents were complete assholes to him. Another twos parents were not in at all between 7am-6pm. The others I either never went into their houses enough to know much or had similar situations to me. We were all left to our own devices most of the time though.