(April 1, 2015 at 9:18 pm)Creed of Heresy Wrote: Addicted to drugs for fifteen years, eh?  Pray tell, what drug was it?

Caffeine?  Porn?  Video games?  Steroids?  Cigarettes?

Mostly weed and booze, just about every day from age 15 to 30. Was also a smoker. Dabbled in others when available.

(April 1, 2015 at 1:11 pm)alpha male Wrote:

Quote:I've been doing that for a long time.  It's forced, phony, and little more than a mask cobbled together from the perceptions I've obtained through observation.  It's only useful as an outward display, something to use to hide the problems from the rest of the world...and I use it to that effect to the absolute fullest, I assure you.

Uh, after going through the whole thread and seeing those pictures of you, I have to say no, you're not doing that.

This isn't rocket surgery. Do the following and you'll feel better about yourself:

1. Get a haircut. From a barber shop, not a salon or a gay friend.
2. Shave.
3. Dress like a man.
4. Go to the gym.
5. Eat mostly meat, fish, eggs, and vegetables.
6. Stop whining like a girl.

1:  Why?
2:  If I never shaved, my facial hair would be a loooot longer, don'tcha think? (no you don't, that's the problem)
3:  I wear loose-fitting pants and t-shirts.  Pretty sure most men dress like that.  Sorry to inform you that your own style of dressing in frilly skirts and bras is actually not the average masculine standard.
4:  Sorry, but with all my other financial obligations right now [extensive medical bills, car payments and insurance, rent, electricity, cable, cab rentals, and food] and my time obligations [cabbing for ~12 hours a day five days a week on average to pay for those things], shelling out $55 a month and 2-3 hours a day at a gym with a bunch of "Alpha Male"s is both untenable and undesirable.
5:  "Eat food."  What a novel concept.  Last night I made season-rubbed pork loin and mashed red potatoes with thyme, garlic, salt, and pepper, with the reductions from the pork as gravy.  The night before, I made baked salmon with butter, garlic, and dill weed.  I both know how to cook and what to eat.
6:  You're absolutely right.  I should continue to internalize all my problems and negative emotions and keep the mask on not just in person but also online, because that is a healthy mindset to have.  No, wait I'm sorry, I got that wrong.  What actually happens when men do that is they snap and kill either themselves, other people, or both in a psychotic outburst because so-called "alpha males" have set the standard that expressing this kind of thing is something that should never be done.

Your understanding of psychological health is an absolute vacuous nothingness.  You say you struggled with addiction for 15 years.  I was heavily addicted to heroin.  For two years.  I was able to break out of it after two years.  It took you 15.

You'll have to pardon me for not really considering any advice you give me seriously.  I'm going to go out on a limb and say that your sobriety also came with the caveat that you became the religious tool that you are today, which (if true, IF) would mean you were also too weak to stay sober on your own and instead you needed to replace your addiction to a drug with an addiction to submission.  You traded one weakness for another.

I may be miserable, unhappy, and lacking any kind of identity but that's because I've spent my entire life and all my time fighting tooth and nail just to survive.  Most people in my position become sociopaths, rapists, killers, all the worst elements of humanity and it's taken me all my strength and willpower to direct myself from being that.  I have no identity or self-direction towards a successful life as you know and define it because for my entire life, success was defined by ensuring my survival and perseverance.  When you were learning your ABCs I was learning to successfully hide from pedarast foster parents and, failing evasion, how to maximize my chances of fighting hard enough and enduring enough so that either that attempted incidence was not worth the time, effort, or difficulty for them to have their way, or that I could at least not let it weaken me for whatever would come later.

So when you tell me to stop "whining like a girl," and you talk about "tough love," I look down upon you, and I find you wanting.

---

(April 2, 2015 at 6:48 am)alpha male Wrote: Mostly weed and booze, just about every day from age 15 to 30. Was also a smoker. Dabbled in others when available.

Weed is not an addictive substance.

(April 2, 2015 at 6:50 am)Creed of Heresy Wrote: 1:  Why?

Because you look like a girl.

Quote:2:  If I never shaved, my facial hair would be a loooot longer, don'tcha think? (no you don't, that's the problem)

Shave regularly. Didn't think I had to spell that out for you, but there ya go.

Quote:3:  I wear loose-fitting pants and t-shirts.  Pretty sure most men dress like that.  Sorry to inform you that your own style of dressing in frilly skirts and bras is actually not the average masculine standard.

No, most men don't wear the shit you had on in those pictures.

Quote:4:  Sorry, but with all my other financial obligations right now [extensive medical bills, car payments and insurance, rent, electricity, cable, cab rentals, and food] and my time obligations [cabbing for ~12 hours a day five days a week on average to pay for those things], shelling out $55 a month and 2-3 hours a day at a gym with a bunch of "Alpha Male"s is both untenable and undesirable.

$55/month is about $2.50 per working day. Do one more fare and you can pay for it. I'm currently working ~66 hours/week and I still find about 45 minutes/day for exercise, and more on Sunday. But if you really can't do the gym, look up bodyweight exercising. You can do it at home. "Convict Conditioning" is a good book on it but it costs $40. You can learn what you need online for free.

Quote:5:  "Eat food."  What a novel concept.  Last night I made season-rubbed pork loin and mashed red potatoes with thyme, garlic, salt, and pepper, with the reductions from the pork as gravy.  The night before, I made baked salmon with butter, garlic, and dill weed.  I both know how to cook and what to eat.

Actually eating food is a novel concept for many Americans. Glad you're doing well on this point.

Quote:6:  You're absolutely right.  I should continue to internalize all my problems and negative emotions and keep the mask on not just in person but also online, because that is a healthy mindset to have.

No, you should set positive achievable goals (like going to the gym) so that you can build positive emotions.

Quote:Your understanding of psychological health is an absolute vacuous nothingness.

No, I have a good understanding of mental health, and as noted, the things I suggest are frequently suggested by mental health professionals. It's incredibly easy to find this information. The first hit I got from Googling "exercise mental health" was:
http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC1424736/
Excerpt:
The strongest evidence suggests that physical activity and exercise probably alleviate some symptoms associated with mild to moderate depression. The evidence also suggests that physical activity and exercise might ... improve self-image, social skills,

Huh, that's exactly what you're looking for.

Quote:I may be miserable, unhappy, and lacking any kind of identity but that's because I've spent my entire life and all my time fighting tooth and nail just to survive.  Most people in my position become sociopaths, rapists, killers, all the worst elements of humanity and it's taken me all my strength and willpower to direct myself from being that.  I have no identity or self-direction towards a successful life as you know and define it because for my entire life, success was defined by ensuring my survival and perseverance.  When you were learning your ABCs I was learning to successfully hide from pedarast foster parents and, failing evasion, how to maximize my chances of fighting hard enough and enduring enough so that either that attempted incidence was not worth the time, effort, or difficulty for them to have their way, or that I could at least not let it weaken me for whatever would come later.

If you've determined that your past completely controls your future, then yes, the game's over for you. Alternatively, you could consider that other people have come from such backgrounds and overcome them, and realize that you could do the same too.

Quote:Weed is not an addictive substance.

http://www.drugabuse.gov/publications/re...-addictive
Is marijuana addictive?

Yes. Over time, overstimulation of the endocannabinoid system by marijuana use can cause changes in the brain that lead to addiction, a condition in which a person cannot stop using a drug even though it interferes with many aspects of his or her life. It is estimated that 9 percent of people who use marijuana will become dependent on it. The number goes up to about 17 percent in those who start using young (in their teens) and to 25 to 50 percent among daily users. According to the 2013 NSDUH, marijuana accounted for 4.2 million of the estimated 6.9 million Americans dependent on or abusing illicit drugs.

Creed, whatever you do, do NOT cut your hair. It's fucking awesome.

(April 2, 2015 at 7:16 am)alpha male Wrote:

(April 2, 2015 at 6:50 am)Creed of Heresy Wrote: 1:  Why?

Because you look like a girl.

Quote:2:  If I never shaved, my facial hair would be a loooot longer, don'tcha think? (no you don't, that's the problem)

Shave regularly. Didn't think I had to spell that out for you, but there ya go.

Quote:3:  I wear loose-fitting pants and t-shirts.  Pretty sure most men dress like that.  Sorry to inform you that your own style of dressing in frilly skirts and bras is actually not the average masculine standard.

No, most men don't wear the shit you had on in those pictures.

Care to explain how any of this affects a person's mental health? And how many girls do you know who have facial hair?

(April 2, 2015 at 7:28 am)Norman Humann Wrote: Care to explain how any of this affects a person's mental health?

He's interested in a relationship with a woman but isn't good at communicating. If he's buff, clean-cut, and well-dressed, it will be easier to attract women, and they'll tend to stick around longer as he learns to communicate.

Quote:And how many girls do you know who have facial hair?

Awwwww...Catholic girls...with a tiny little mustache...[/zappa]
Sorry, couldn't resist - guilty pleasure. Anyway, change it to looks like a girl from the back if you like.

(April 2, 2015 at 7:41 am)alpha male Wrote:

(April 2, 2015 at 7:28 am)Norman Humann Wrote: Care to explain how any of this affects a person's mental health?

He's interested in a relationship with a woman but isn't good at communicating. If he's buff, clean-cut, and well-dressed, it will be easier to attract women, and they'll tend to stick around longer as he learns to communicate.

So you're advice is to attract women who mostly care about how he looks. Wonderful. I'm sure nothing can go wrong.

Fuck every last bit of what alpha male said. If you try to attract women by being something you're not, happiness will not ensue.

Connecting with another human being is like 95% about empathy. When someone is having trouble, the best thing I know to do is to listen, acknowledge, and ask questions. People need to be validated. A practical example: my girlfriend has a friend who is struggling with addiction really badly. She is really torn up about it. We were talking, and told her how I would be struggling if it were my friend. That I would feel confused and conflicted about what my role is. That I would be sad and angry at the terrible choices my friend was making, but at the same time knowing that it's the disease. I acknowledged her distress by letting her know that all of her feelings are warranted by telling her I feel them, too. I asked her how I could help, what I could do. Knowing the answer is that I can't help.

All of this is to say connecting with other people is all about putting yourself in their shoes, and showing them that you care. Not knowing what to say is not knowing how to connect. This isn't a knowledge you cannot grasp, it's a skill you haven't practiced. Treat it like a logic puzzle: what does a person need when they feel x emotion? How can I fill that need or be of service?

Practice empathy in everything you do. How does this action or decision affect all the people around me? Even small shit matters in the big picture. Doing it in everyday social situations makes it second nature in relationships.

(April 2, 2015 at 7:45 am)Norman Humann Wrote: So you're advice is to attract women who mostly care about how he looks.

Yes, in other words about 99% of them. Limiting yourself to blind women isn't a good strategy.

Quote:Wonderful. I'm sure nothing can go wrong.

Lots can go wrong, and probably will. So what? He's only going to learn how to behave in a relationship by being in relationships (while I'm a fan of modeling it's difficult to apply to romantic relationships). If he can attract women because he's a stud, and they hang around a little longer because of that, he gets more practice at communication and eventually learns that as well.

It's a good thing for you alpha that being a gargantuan sexist asshole isn't against the rules on this forum.

(April 2, 2015 at 8:41 am)alpha male Wrote:

(April 2, 2015 at 7:45 am)Norman Humann Wrote: So you're advice is to attract women who mostly care about how he looks.

Yes, in other words about 99% of them. Limiting yourself to blind women isn't a good strategy.