What will you do? (Ethical dilemma question)

[notimportant1234]

Let me put it this way . If I'm 100% certain that she will harm him . And if i don't find a solution.
I'll call the bich at my place for a bang and call my friend to catch us on the act.
That is friendship , he will hate you for that , but if you are a true friend , it doesn't matter.

[Edwardo Piet]

If my best friend is really my best friend they will believe me when I tell them. Not because I KNOW what they will do but because if they don't believe me when I swear something serious to them then I certainly don't consider them a best friend.

There are a few exceptions. Like if they believed I was experiencing paranoid delusions or something and if they had reason to believe that. But the point is that you need pretty good reason to disbelieve a bestie.

[brewer]

Response to OP: (pardon is this has been covered, didn't read all of the posts yet) Address hypothetical as husband/wife/other man friend.

1. Stop her before she even got that far. Letting it go that that far places part of the guilt on the man also. Begs the question "what kind of friend are you?".
2. Tell her that if this happens again you will tell the husband, whether it's with you or you hear about another.
3. Don't tell the friend but talk to him about the husband/wife relationship he's in. Hell, for all you know he thinks it's OK.

[bennyboy]

People aren't going to believe you, even the friend you are trying to help is not going to believe you. You will cause a lot of conflict, mistrust, drama and in the end probably look like a jealous bitter guy. It will damage your friendship whether you manage to convince your friend or not. Even if you win...you lose

When you put your own appearances ahead of truth, then you've failed as a friend and as an ethical human being, and you don't really deserve to keep that friendship anyway. It doesn't matter what happens if you act truthfully-- it matters that you take every step in YOUR control to protect your friend from wasting a HUGE part of his/her life with delusions about the quality of an important relationship.

I'd say if your friend has such a bad future spouse AND such a bad friend in you, the person's social life is bordering on fucked already, so maybe it doesn't really matter what you do.

[Little lunch]

Whatever, I'm not posting in this thread anymore. Bye.

And now you're playing the victim again. Classic Pool.

Hammy, you're being a bully.

[Edwardo Piet]

And now you're playing the victim again. Classic Pool.

Hammy, you're being a bully.

I was about to say "WTF" until I realized you were joking lol. If he's the victim I'm a bully, lmao.

Sorry I'm so slow. I am kind of a turtle, lol.

[Fireball]

In this situation, I would just set up a later assignation where we boinked our brains out, if I was 47 years younger. From here, age 65, I'd thank the gal for her interest, and rat her out to her boyfriend. I was a dog, in those days, and have been known to boink on the first date.

[Rev. Rye]

Wait, is the thread asking me if I would tell my best friend about what he just did to me? Or are you asking what I'd tell to the person who walked in why I'm currently beating the crap out of my ex-best friend who has just sexually assaulted me? Or at least using the SING technique to incapacitate him and shouting "WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL, MAN?"





The sad thing is I'd probably be more embarrassed to admit I've seen Miss Congeniality than to admit I've been sexually assaulted.

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

If you don't tell, you're a lousy friend.

Boru

People aren't going to believe you, even the friend you are trying to help is not going to believe you. You will cause a lot of conflict, mistrust, drama and in the end probably look like a jealous bitter guy. It will damage your friendship whether you manage to convince your friend or not. Even if you win...you lose.

I think it comes down to whether you value your friend or your friendship. It's a small difference but it makes a huge difference in this situation. If you shut up you will maintain your friendship if you speak up you will damage the friendship but if you value your friendship basic decency dictate you have to speak up...and lose your friendship. I think it's one of those situations where even if you approach with good intentions the results aren't going to be favorable.

What does speaking up prove? It can prove that you're a good friend because you spoke up or it can prove that you're a bad friend because you didn't care enough to maintain the friendship.

Who is the better friend, The one that value the friend more or the friendship more?

Jaysus - have you ever even had a friend?

The scenario isn't about winning or losing anything.  It is about being honest with the people closest to you.  I would much rather take the risk of damaging a friendship by telling a mate some uncomfortable truth that may save him a lot of heartache down the road, than I would maintain a friendship by retreating into a lie of omission. 

There's a wonderful film called 'Appaloosa' with Ed Harris and Viggo Mortenson.  Ed Harris' girlfriend makes a pass at Viggo Mortenson, who later tells Harris about it.  Yes, yes, I know - films aren't real life, but the scene in which Mortenson comes clean kind of encapsulates your scenario and indicates that it is at least plausible to be painfully honest without damaging a friendship (that aside, I highly recommend the film).

Boru

[bennyboy]

I wonder if Pool is actually in a real-life situation, and he wants to spin it as a dilemma to justify it as being morally ambiguous or difficult. It really isn't, is it?