Our server costs ~$56 per month to run. Please consider donating or becoming a Patron to help keep the site running. Help us gain new members by following us on Twitter and liking our page on Facebook!
Current time: November 7, 2024, 6:13 pm
Atheist Forums › Discussion › Humor v
Ways to Get Out of Going to Church

Thread Rating:
  • 0 Vote(s) - 0 Average
  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
Thread Modes
Ways to Get Out of Going to Church
Nitsuj Offline
Lurker
**
Religious Views: Why does it even exist?
Posts: 296
Threads: 19
Joined: July 15, 2010
Reputation: 3
#1
Ways to Get Out of Going to Church
August 21, 2011 at 10:06 am (This post was last modified: August 21, 2011 at 10:07 am by Nitsuj.)
These can be serious or they can be funny. Go for it.

Set all the clocks in the house back an hour so when my dad's alarm rings, church is already over.
Trudging through endless religion one step at a time.
Find
Reply
Napoléon Offline
Posting Freak
*****
Religious Views: Atheist
Posts: 12231
Threads: 324
Joined: April 14, 2011
Reputation: 140
#2
RE: Ways to Get Out of Going to Church
August 21, 2011 at 10:14 am
Claiming god spoke to you and that he told you not to go. They will believe that right?

I mean, I can't possibly conceive of any reason why they wouldn't Wink
Find
Reply
Darwinian Offline
Original Admin - Retired
*****
Religious Views: Hoopy Frood
Posts: 4349
Threads: 385
Joined: August 25, 2008
Reputation: 57
#3
RE: Ways to Get Out of Going to Church
August 21, 2011 at 10:38 am
Just say no!
[Image: cinjin_banner_border.jpg]
Find
Reply
Ace Otana Away
Rebel
*****
Religious Views: De-facto Atheist, Secular Humanist
Posts: 3872
Threads: 39
Joined: August 25, 2008
Reputation: 43
#4
RE: Ways to Get Out of Going to Church
August 21, 2011 at 10:45 am
Just say get fucked.
Of course you could always sneak out at night and brick up the church doors. Or just pour some cement in front of the door.
Extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence - Carl Sagan

Mankind's intelligence walks hand in hand with it's stupidity.

Being an atheist says nothing about your overall intelligence, it just means you don't believe in god. Atheists can be as bright as any scientist and as stupid as any creationist.

You never really know just how stupid someone is, until you've argued with them.
Find
Reply
The Grand Nudger Offline
Retired Staff
*****
Religious Views: Invasive
Posts: 67058
Threads: 140
Joined: June 28, 2011
Reputation: 162
#5
RE: Ways to Get Out of Going to Church
August 21, 2011 at 10:54 am
Tell your dad you can't miss happy hour at the Man-hole.
I am the Infantry. I am my country’s strength in war, her deterrent in peace. I am the heart of the fight… wherever, whenever. I carry America’s faith and honor against her enemies. I am the Queen of Battle. I am what my country expects me to be, the best trained Soldier in the world. In the race for victory, I am swift, determined, and courageous, armed with a fierce will to win. Never will I fail my country’s trust. Always I fight on…through the foe, to the objective, to triumph overall. If necessary, I will fight to my death. By my steadfast courage, I have won more than 200 years of freedom. I yield not to weakness, to hunger, to cowardice, to fatigue, to superior odds, For I am mentally tough, physically strong, and morally straight. I forsake not, my country, my mission, my comrades, my sacred duty. I am relentless. I am always there, now and forever. I AM THE INFANTRY! FOLLOW ME!
Find
Reply
frankiej Offline
Wiggin' Specialist
****
Religious Views: Haruhiism
Posts: 5652
Threads: 133
Joined: May 10, 2011
Reputation: 69
#6
RE: Ways to Get Out of Going to Church
August 21, 2011 at 2:07 pm
Walk on water.
Cunt
Find
Reply
Gawdzilla Offline
121.92 meter mutant fire-breathing lizardy
***
Religious Views: Rabid atheistic baby eater
Posts: 1817
Threads: 18
Joined: April 22, 2011
Reputation: 17
#7
RE: Ways to Get Out of Going to Church
August 21, 2011 at 2:36 pm
Burn church down. Bonus points if pastor is in it. Double bonus points if pastor and church ladies are in it.
WWII Resources (Diplomatic, political)
Hyperwar, WWII on the Internet (Military, strategic)
Find
Reply
8BitAtheist Offline
Junior Member
**
Religious Views: Atheist
Posts: 310
Threads: 18
Joined: February 12, 2011
Reputation: 5
#8
RE: Ways to Get Out of Going to Church
August 21, 2011 at 3:51 pm
Don't go. Easy way to get out of going.
Find
Reply
Napoléon Offline
Posting Freak
*****
Religious Views: Atheist
Posts: 12231
Threads: 324
Joined: April 14, 2011
Reputation: 140
#9
RE: Ways to Get Out of Going to Church
August 21, 2011 at 4:02 pm
(August 21, 2011 at 3:51 pm)8BitAtheist Wrote: Don't go. Easy way to get out of going.

That is THE most original post I have ever seen.
Find
Reply
Rayaan Offline
Self-optimizing ...
****
Religious Views: Muslim
Posts: 4067
Threads: 162
Joined: September 14, 2010
Reputation: 95
#10
RE: Ways to Get Out of Going to Church
August 21, 2011 at 6:01 pm
And if none of the above works, unfortunately, then tell your parents that you want to go to mosque. Big Grin
Find
Reply


Atheist Forums › Discussion › Humor v
Ways to Get Out of Going to Church

Possibly Related Threads...
Thread Author Replies Views Last Post
  I am just going to leave this here. Brian37 11 1142 April 1, 2019 at 6:18 am
Last Post: Gawdzilla Sama
  I'm going to check off a bucket list item Won2blv 9 1818 February 14, 2017 at 11:07 pm
Last Post: paulpablo
  What's your going to hell score? popeyespappy 87 6900 January 23, 2017 at 10:33 am
Last Post: Crossless2.0



Users browsing this thread: 3 Guest(s)