The Newly Departed thread: announcements (departures)

[SaStrike]

Anyone seen Hammy? Haven't seen him since the 24th May.

Too soon? Sorry.

[Mystic]

Anyone seen Hammy? Haven't seen him since the 24th May.

Too soon? Sorry.

O man, I lol'd so bad.

[Whateverist]

Boy you go away for on a trip and come back to hell in a hand basket.

You go have yourself a good life, Hammy. I think everyone wishes that for you, most especially Shell. She loves you long time the tough way. C_L loves you with kid gloves. Jorms had lots of pearls in this thread and I liked what Steel had to say too.

But I think you're right about this place feeding an obsession for you in a way that hasn't been so healthy. Try pushing yourself to have some social outlet that isn't on the internet. Best of luck to you.

[Joods]

Agreed with all this. To him, I said "You csnt say that, that's totally uncalled for and innapropriate", and to the others I say "You know he has autism and a tendency to go off the rails, so don't provoke him."

So to those saying "why should *I* tip toe around him to prevent him from acting out?" I say this again - a person can only control their own actions, not those of anyone else.

But then again, that's just my opinion. If both sides want to continue to perpetuate drama, that's their choice.

Yeah, that’s the thing.  Hammy is 100% responsible for the things he says to people, autism or no.  He needs to learn social and communication skills, as well as coping mechanisms to the best of his ability just like anyone else in order to have healthy relationships, and function in society. IMO, the backlash he got for calling ShellB that word was totally justified, and I hope that in the future he will reconsider its derogatory connotation here in the States before using it so flippantly.  He did not care for that backlash so he chose to leave of his own free will.  All that being said...

...it does seem to me at times, that the people who complain the most about his outbursts are the same people who bait him into arguments. That is a choice as well.  Now, obviously I’m not in every thread every day, and I don’t see every fight that happens, so I freely admit I could be missing important context here.  I could be wrong.  I’m just saying that’s how it appears from my end.

I have had him on ignore for nearly a month now. The problem is when he responds to a thread I make or he quotes me, I get a notification about it. Usually I'll ignore it. But many times, he too, baits others. What led up to the temp banning of him and EP1 was both of them could not stop baiting one another. He pushed buttons. Obviously EP1 wasn't solely to blame there, however, Hammy knows exactly how to engage with others. NO ONE here is perfect. But he seems to go on and on about how he is so infallible and brutally honest and never starts anything. All of that is bullshit. For him to refuse to hold himself accountable is a major problem. Having other people point it out to him does him no good if he refuses to learn from each situation he finds himself in. And if he attacks people who were his friends and suddenly wonders why they are no longer his friends, then he needs to think about why that is. 

I've put him on ignore in the past too. My problems with him started over two years ago and they don't need to be aired out here but let me just say that I too, was once good friends with him. For my own sanity, I pulled my friendship back. I tried being nice to him until it got to the point that I realized that he wants a certain type of friend. He only wants friends who agree with him or who coddle him. I told him numerous times that I wasn't the type of person that sugar-coated anything. I also hate being lied to. He knew that. 

You have a different relationship with him than I had. I can only hope that he's not taking advantage of your friendship like he did to me. I can only hope that he has respect for you when you tell him you don't want to keep talking about the same thing so he apologizes, but still continues to push boundaries. And then apologize even more when you point out that you are still talking about what you don't want to talk about. He doesn't listen to the needs of his friends because it's always got to be all about him. 

Take a look at this thread. How many pages have been devoted to giving him attention here? He's getting exactly what he wants and he's not even here to participate. Good or bad - he's getting all the attention that he wants and he's super happy about it. And he'll read this (in guest mode) and reassure those he's talking with in private that that isn't true and that I'm disingenuous and not being honest and I'm a lying bitch and all that. And I don't really care. My point is - this shit should be split away from this thread because this thread isn't supposed to be about one singular person, but it's turned into exactly that.

[LastPoet]

Yeah, that’s the thing.  Hammy is 100% responsible for the things he says to people, autism or no.  He needs to learn social and communication skills, as well as coping mechanisms to the best of his ability just like anyone else in order to have healthy relationships, and function in society. IMO, the backlash he got for calling ShellB that word was totally justified, and I hope that in the future he will reconsider its derogatory connotation here in the States before using it so flippantly.  He did not care for that backlash so he chose to leave of his own free will.  All that being said...

...it does seem to me at times, that the people who complain the most about his outbursts are the same people who bait him into arguments. That is a choice as well.  Now, obviously I’m not in every thread every day, and I don’t see every fight that happens, so I freely admit I could be missing important context here.  I could be wrong.  I’m just saying that’s how it appears from my end.

I have had him on ignore for nearly a month now. The problem is when he responds to a thread I make or he quotes me, I get a notification about it. Usually I'll ignore it. But many times, he too, baits others. What led up to the temp banning of him and EP1 was both of them could not stop baiting one another. He pushed buttons. Obviously EP1 wasn't solely to blame there, however, Hammy knows exactly how to engage with others. NO ONE here is perfect. But he seems to go on and on about how he is so infallible and brutally honest and never starts anything. All of that is bullshit. For him to refuse to hold himself accountable is a major problem. Having other people point it out to him does him no good if he refuses to learn from each situation he finds himself in. And if he attacks people who were his friends and suddenly wonders why they are no longer his friends, then he needs to think about why that is. 

I've put him on ignore in the past too. My problems with him started over two years ago and they don't need to be aired out here but let me just say that I too, was once good friends with him. For my own sanity, I pulled my friendship back. I tried being nice to him until it got to the point that I realized that he wants a certain type of friend. He only wants friends who agree with him or who coddle him. I told him numerous times that I wasn't the type of person that sugar-coated anything. I also hate being lied to. He knew that. 

You have a different relationship with him than I had. I can only hope that he's not taking advantage of your friendship like he did to me. I can only hope that he has respect for you when you tell him you don't want to keep talking about the same thing so he apologizes, but still continues to push boundaries. And then apologize even more when you point out that you are still talking about what you don't want to talk about. He doesn't listen to the needs of his friends because it's always got to be all about him. 

Take a look at this thread. How many pages have been devoted to giving him attention here? He's getting exactly what he wants and he's not even here to participate. Good or bad - he's getting all the attention that he wants and he's super happy about it. And he'll read this (in guest mode) and reassure those he's talking with in private that that isn't true and that I'm disingenuous and not being honest and I'm a lying bitch and all that. And I don't really care. My point is - this shit should be split away from this thread because this thread isn't supposed to be about one singular person, but it's turned into exactly that.

Small correction, it as pool the matey. EP never crossed with EP. Weird shit but I remember odd stuff for a reason.

[Joods]

Small correction, it as pool the matey. EP never crossed with EP. Weird shit but I remember odd stuff for a reason.

I stand corrected, however everyone knew about his hatred for EP1 because it did talk about it incessantly. And the both of them did have words with each other on more than one occasion. 

But you make an even better point for me with the correction. Meaning - he clearly has had problems with a bunch of people. So again - I go back to the old common denominator factor and his refusal to see his fault in anything. He doesn't want to improve. He just wants everyone to find favor with him and ignore all of his faults. Normal people don't go around requiring that from their friends.

[Mystic]

He does want to improve and will. Let's encourage him to do well.

While hard criticism is needed, it must balanced by praise.

While harshness is sometimes needed, it must be balanced by compassion and love.

[Joods]

I have a 16 year old with more mental health issues than H has. My son actually wants to improve. How do I know? Because I see it. Because school staff sees it. Because my son is actually seeking out help from his therapist and from his teachers. HE is actively working and using coping skills in addition to others working with him. 

Believe me - having a child with Oppositional Defiance Disorder makes for a very stressful home. Add to that his diagnoses of PTSD, ADHD and Bi-Polar disorder and you have a cocktail of "if it can go wrong, it probably will." In the past, I have had to deal with extreme emotional outbursts which include him going from 16 to 3 in seconds, by stomping up the stairs and saying hurtful things like he wishes his dad would go hang himself. He slams doors, refuses to cooperate and gets extremely nasty. 

But... aside from all of that - he always cools off, comes to me and his dad and apologizes for what he did. He makes no excuses. He wants to get better. He even asked me to help him get into anger management classes. THAT  is someone who wants to improve.

[Catholic_Lady]

Agreed with all this. To him, I said "You csnt say that, that's totally uncalled for and innapropriate", and to the others I say "You know he has autism and a tendency to go off the rails, so don't provoke him."

So to those saying "why should *I* tip toe around him to prevent him from acting out?" I say this again - a person can only control their own actions, not those of anyone else.

But then again, that's just my opinion. If both sides want to continue to perpetuate drama, that's their choice.

Yeah, that’s the thing.  Hammy is 100% responsible for the things he says to people, autism or no.  He needs to learn social and communication skills, as well as coping mechanisms to the best of his ability just like anyone else in order to have healthy relationships, and function in society. IMO, the backlash he got for calling ShellB that word was totally justified, and I hope that in the future he will reconsider its derogatory connotation here in the States before using it so flippantly.  He did not care for that backlash so he chose to leave of his own free will.  All that being said...

...it does seem to me at times, that the people who complain the most about his outbursts are the same people who bait him into arguments. That is a choice as well.  Now, obviously I’m not in every thread every day, and I don’t see every fight that happens, so I freely admit I could be missing important context here.  I could be wrong.  I’m just saying that’s how it appears from my end.

My thoughts exactly.

[Shell B]

Whoa, what?! 

Yes. At the time, I stuck up for him, purely because it was hearsay. They butted heads over a mutual love interest and both were accused of crossing lines. I spent several hours one day talking about it with him via Skype while watching a Pats game, so don't think I just don't get him or you know him better than we do. To be fair, I still doubt that anyone was stalking anyone, especially considering his continued correspondence with people he supposedly victimized, but that is why they didn't get along. I only say all of this because it was wildly public at the time, so I don't think it's betraying anyone's privacy. It was never a secret.

And no, Ofc I’m not blaming you for someone else calling you a cunt.  I think I’ve made it pretty clear to the community and to him that that was a horrible, derogatory thing to say to you.  My point was that he isn’t the only one who stirs the drama pot.  I guess I misread your post to him, because it seemed to me you were comparing him to EP.  Whether or not that would constitute stirring the pot is an entirely separate issue from his ability to handle discussing the guy, but if you say that’s not what you were doing then I will take you at your word.

I said, and I quote from memory, "It's interesting that your new initials are EP." That's probably paraphrasing, but the absolute entirety of what I said. When I said it, I was thinking that he had done it on purpose to keep up his animosity toward EP, not "Hey, you're so much like him that you even took his initials." That was a serious stretch. If anyone wanted to infer more from what I said than what I said, they could have asked me.

I want to point out that I'm not at all upset that he called me a cunt. I'm surprised people are bothered by it so much. I wasn't annoyed at all, except that he brought up my husband, who got decidedly more upset than I was. I don't like it when people upset him, since it's a rare occasion and I prefer him to be happy whenever possible. That made me want to kick him Hammy in the head, if I'm going to be honest. Still, I'm a grown up and I can't kick people in the head or hate people for being a little whoopsy in the self-control department, so I've moved on. The only reason I'm still posting about it is to address things that are specifically addressed to me.