Loneliness and the Perpetuation of Pain

[MarcusA]

I get lonely, therefore I try to gather people around me.

[no one]

Do. Or do not. There is no try.

[FrustratedFool]

Loneliness is a very tricky issue. And one with very bad negative health impacts.

I have spent many years very lonely. Partly that was from being isolated and working a somewhat solitary job in a rural location, but even when socially active and in a more populated environment the loneliness remains. Even when I have multiple positive relationships it remains. It is in part, then, also a psychological issue.

From my limited reading around the topic, there seems to be a difference between isolation, social ostracisation,and personal loneliness.

Isolation (something that impacts old people mostly) is a physical thing and the solution is likewise physical: make sure you have multiple positive social interactions per day. Most people can ensure this happens, though it might require some effort.

Being outside of mainstream society is far more difficult issue. If feel yourself outside, and are treated as not-belonging, this can be hard for the individual to solve. This often affects immigrants, racial and sexual minorities, the disabled, and other groups. Really, the only thing an individual can do is either find 'their tribe' within that society, or move location. Easier said than done in many places.

To not feel emotionally/ psychologically lonely typically a human requires at least one close friend (not family) and at least one romantic partner. Without those most people will feel lonely even if they aren't isolated or socially excluded. There's no clear easy fix for not having a friend or partner, and those are to a large degree luck based. All manner of complex factors come into play with those. All an individual can do is change what they can: make yourself more likely to be desired as a friend and a partner, and increase your social circle as much as feasible (which may involve all kinds of difficult things, like moving location and employment, joining all manner of social activity groups etc).

The other factor is the issue of chronic emotional loneliness. This is where the feeling of being disconnected to others and experiencing loneliness occurs even when someone has all the above needs met. This seems to be connected to things like neurodiversity, or trauma, or mental health issues. The longer it goes on the harder it seems to be to treat, and according to wikipedia it's basically incurable. I suspect I have this (as well as a degree of social exile and having been isolated for a long time).

Loneliness is very painful. I suggest you do whatever it takes to solve that problem. It seems to me that the single most effective way of tackling loneliness is to move to a highly populated location, work at a place with many colleagues, and join multiple different social groups, and then just be as friendly as possible.

Good luck!

[zebo-the-fat]

I have lived alone for a large part of my life, very rarely been lonely though

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

I get lonely, therefore I try to gather people around me.

Well, that's the thing to do. If you're lonely and try to gather socket wrenches around you, it's probably not going to help.

Boru

[The Magic Pudding.]

Do. Or do not. There is no try.

Ye, I despise Yoda logic.
He tried with Palpatine and failed
I've got the tee shirt though, it was cheap.

[LinuxGal]

I get lonely, therefore I try to gather people around me.

City life: millions of people being lonely together.

[The Valkyrie]

I used to get lonely.

Now I get hostages.

[Rev. Rye]

I wonder what it says about me that just getting a dakimakura was enough to take care of any feelings of loneliness.



dakimakura listing (This may take three months to arrive)
pillow filling

[FrustratedFool]

Did having a waifu pillow really remove all loneliness?

I can certainly appreciate how it helps, and I recommend such things, but I still felt lonely. Nothing really removes the loneliness for some people, I guess.