Chritstianity ruined my life tbh

[zentor]

I became xtian at 16 , I'm 23 now, and before I was a happy normal guy
But that is when my mental problems started. Id randomly start crying and wanted to die.
Joined airforce after hs, got discharged after a year for suicidal personality.
Worked like 6 jobs that year, all fired/quit from mental breakdowns.
Been trying to do college, I join every year but havnt finished a semster cuz the breakdowns.
And I have been in treatment sincfe my af discharge. I do my best but I know god hates me and wants me to suffrr
I even try being agnostic but he still fuks me
I finally got a job at retail, yesterday wsa my second day and I again became suicidal and just left.

I can't live and I can't die - this is truly being fuked by god. There is no escape for me. Or hope. My grandma always told me, when god punishes us, he ties us up first so we can't escape.

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If god loves me, why did he make me bipolar?
Tthats like telling a friend, "let me cut off one of ur arms, but its cool cuz ill help u do stuff sometimes"

[downbeatplumb]

Well you dont sound like an agnostic but a full blown believer who dosent like god much.

Once you realise its just fiction you should feel happier.

[zentor]

Well you dont sound like an agnostic but a full blown believer who dosent like god much.

Once you realise its just fiction you should feel happier.

I try my best to be agnostic. But u won't believe the situations I end up in...the stuff that hapens to me is uncanny...everyone I meet says "dude, ur life is cursed or something.."

[Paul the Human]

It sounds like you want someone to blame for your problems and god makes an easy scapegoat. Figure out the real cause and deal with it. Whether there is a god or not, that's the only way to solve your problems. And therapy... definitely therapy.

[zentor]

It sounds like you want someone to blame for your problems and god makes an easy scapegoat. Figure out the real cause and deal with it. Whether there is a god or not, that's the only way to solve your problems. And therapy... definitely therapy.

I do my best in every situation I rwally do
Been in enough therapy to teach my own cbt class.

I just cnt take it anymore, maybe its best I do die. But I know if I attempt, god will just make me half dead and brain damaged or somehing

[downbeatplumb]

God is not real dude.
If you ended up brain damaged it would all be down to you.

[zentor]

Other people can't understand because they don't see what I'm going through. They just see what I say and assume its all my fault

It really isn't I do everything I can
This world isn't for me, just gotta die today

[downbeatplumb]

There are probably people you should talk to professionally if that is how you genuinely feel.

[zentor]

There are probably people you should talk to professionally if that is how you genuinely feel.

I been in therapy and medications since 16!! I'm 23 now...noothings helping even they change my meds...

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Nvm forget I made this thread
Mods pls delete I'm sorry

I know this is how my life is and all I can do is just keep suffering or attempt to die, that is all.

[Paul the Human]

Call a suicide hotline. Coming to an internet forum for atheists isn't going to help.