Questions about raising children in a mixed home.

[Caveman]

I'm still learning my way around the site, so if this is in the wrong area, please feel free to move it or point me in the right direction.
I'm sure this subject has been covered, but a did some searching around and couldn't find what I was looking for (could be my searching skills).

My wife and I were high school sweethearts and we have been married since 92. She has grown up attending the same church her entire life (Church of Christ) and has never visited any other religious venue. I did not grow up in the church and originally started going with her just to spend time with her. Over the years I came to walk the walk that she and her family walked. I was pretty good at it too. Anyway, about 3 years ago I started having some questions. The more questions I had and studied on, the further and further I found myself from religion as a whole. I think it's pretty obvoius what my beliefs are now (seeing as how I'm posting this on an Atheist forum). My wife is fully aware of my beliefs and has dealt with it very well (considering). I still attend service with her and put on my happy church face, but I have stepped down from all activities that involve "churchy stuff". I feel it's a small price to pay if it helps her feel better.

My question involves the raising of my two boys and is directed to those that may have been through similar situations. My oldest is 20, and has recently been made aware of my beliefs (he too asks questions, and when they don't make sense, he sees it for what it is). I'm not too worried about him, he has a good head on his shoulders and seems pretty grounded. My concern is more toward my younger son. He's 13 and has been raised in the church his entire life. He's begun to ask questions as well, and I'm just not really sure how to handle those. I've been pretty successful at redirecting him to his mother, but I'm sure that I can't keep that up forever (or if that's really fair to him)? I'm a bit concerned about the effect that it will have on him in the long run. My wife has made it clear that she would prefer me to "NOT" talk to him about "god stuff", so I don't. It's a system that has been working, but I fear as he gets a bit older that it will become more and more difficult.

Anyway, I'm not sure what I'm looking for here. Perhaps just an opportunity to vent? Perhaps a support system that isn't so biased?

Sorry my first post was so long winded. Thanks for taking the time to read it.

[Faith No More]

I am also married to an high school sweetheart that is a Christian(Catholic), and we have a 2 1/2 year old son. The difference is that I was never a Christian, and this was all on the table before the relationship even began.

The way I look at it is that I have only so much capital to spend when arguing about a religious difference, so I try to pick my battles carefully. I allowed my wife to have him baptized, because it's just a silly ritual and going against that might make it more difficult down the road if say she wanted to start taking him to bible school. If you allow your wife to have her way with things that will have less of a negative impact on your son, it will be easier to control the things you are really concerned about, like if she wanted to start teaching him creationism.

As far as my beliefs and what to teach my son, if my son asks my belief, I won't hesitate to tell him I don't believe, despite the fact that might make my wife uncomfortable. I'm not going to pretend I'm something I'm not. I won't, however, tell him that he can't believe. I will concentrate on teaching him how to think, not what to think, and let him find his own way. He may end up religious, which I don't have a problem with, but that will do very well to ensure the doesn't end up another Rick Santorum, which is what I truly wish to prevent.

[Kayenneh]

I will concentrate on teaching him how to think, not what to think, and let him find his own way.

This. My dad has been brilliant in the sense that he has always talked with me and answered my questions. I was religious for a while, but thanks to being brought up able to think critically, I got better. I seriously think you have an obligation to your child to talk to him, no matter how hard a question he asks. Don't just shoo him over to his mother, if you have something to say on the topic he brings up.

[Something completely different]

My dad is a anglican protestant who absolutly hates and dispises catholics and my mother is a catholic.
They argued constantly over what faith to pass on onto me and my brother. My mother use to take me to church and my dad would be outraged and they would constantly fight over the subject.
In the end I guess they simply decided that I should decide myself. I have expirienced some religious (catholic) abuse in my life, but my parents constant arguing over what faith is the right one is certainly an adding factor to why I am not religious. In the end, it is the fighting between my parents which I remember most and which had the bigger impact on my decision and not the fact that I was given the chance to decide myself. So I am sure there are better ways to show a child the surrounding diversity.

One other thing that was passed on to me is that I also dont think to much of catholics.

[My imaginary friend is GOD]

If he is asking YOU a question, he wants to hear from you. So answer honestly as possible and then encourage him to hear his mom's point of view on the matter.

[pineapplebunnybounce]

I don't have a lot of experience with kids. But seems to me that you're his father, you have as much say in his education as his mum does. If he is being lied to (even if his mother doesn't think that's what she's doing, religion=lying), be the one person who will tell him what's true and what's not.

And it's not really fair to him like you said. He asks you a question and he expects you to tell him the truth. It'll also help him understand for what is true and what is a belief. Something that seems to be nonexistent with the religious these days.

You may also want to consider that you want him to know you as who you really are. Rather than growing up and then finding out that this whole time, you were an atheist and didn't say a word to him. That feeling isn't pleasant.

[freedomfromforum]

My wife has made it clear that she would prefer me to "NOT" talk to him about "god stuff", so I don't.

I'm being very sincere. Fair is fair. If you cannot talk to him about "god stuff", then she should do likewise, and stop exposing him to the church that continually talks "god stuff".

My wife is christian. I am atheist. She has asked me not to talk about "god stuff", and I have asked her to stop reaching for my hand in prayer at mealtime. It seems to work well for us. The key, I believe, is to be firm while exercising loving patience.

[Caveman]

Thanks for all the replies. We shall see where things go from here.

[Kayenneh]

Good luck Caveman! Being a parent is probably the toughest job in the world. So a thumbs up to all you dads today

[Fruity]

I have two kids. I am atheist and daddy is theist.

I'd tell you how great it has been to teach my kids to be free thinkers and question everything. I'd tell you how great it is to relax and not stress over what they choose to believe, but rather how they got to that conclusion.

However, this marriage is fucked up and has began the divorce journey. So...

GOOD LUCK!