Your thoughts on finding "the one"?

[Fidel_Castronaut]

Really wanted to make a matrix joke to earn kudos but alas, this thread is so serious I didn't think it called for it, plus I didn't want to be criticised for it. Really dodged a bullet there I think.

[Minimalist]

because I created the circumstances for us to meet.

So? I went to a college hangout and met my wife there. We've been married 44 years.

Somebody has to create the "circumstance" or nothing will ever get done.

[FallentoReason]

Mmmm, the distinction is more subtle that than. For example, meeting a girl at a cafe means that I deliberately have to approach her and initiate that connection, thereby "creating the circumstances". The examples you have given, I would think, are going to take a more natural course, with genuine opportunities arising in those environments.

So, if you met a girl in class you wouldn't deliberately have to approach her or introduce yourself in order to initiate that connection? I think you do. Even if she's sitting right next to you, you still have to say something to her to establish a connection, even if it's "Did you catch which pages we're supposed to read for homework?" or "My copy of the syllabus is smudged, does that say the paper is due this Friday or next Friday?"

My point is that whether you happen to see a girl in a cafe and introduce yourself, or see a girl in class and introduce yourself, or see a girl at a gig and introduce yourself, you're still creating the circumstances for you to meet.

Sure, but I think in class it would feel more.. "acceptable".. to initiate a conversation, because you're bound to meet classmates eventually. It's one of the ways in which we make friends. But at a cafe, there isn't that expectation. At least not with my generation sadly, since we've grown up to be compartmentalised and learned to keep to ourselves in public.

Speaking as someone who is WAY closer to 30 than you, take a chill pill, you've got lots of time to meet someone.

I think you're right. I keep telling myself that

---

Welcome back, FTR. I was starting to wonder about you since I always respected your approach.

Thanks Chad! And the feeling is mutual.
Hopefully I'll find the interest to delve into discussions again around here. And hopefully they're philosophically engaging - just how I like them.

I do not give dating advice. I'm 48, clueless, and wouldn't even know where to start. But I can tell you what I truly believe about marriage. I do not believe in "The One"; but rather, close enough. Don't misunderstand me. I'm not suggesting you settle for less. Instead, I'm suggesting that if your values are similar enough you will become like one like two dandelions that grow together. Kirst and I are two very different people and starting off it may have seemed like a mismatch. But we have always had the same values. After 26 years of marriage, we complete each other's sentences, work together with some (not perfect) harmony, and generally want to travel life's path in the same direction.

And that is my penny.

Hmmm, there's some good stuff in there. Thanks for sharing. And I definitely agree that there isn't "the one". After all no one is perfect, but I do believe there is someone perfect enough for me.

[ignoramus]

Went to a fancy dress years ago.
Cracked some funny jokes to a girl with green tinsel hair and Dame Edna glasses!
Been married 25 years now to her!

But I don't believe there is "the one".
There are many who could be the one.
Anyone who's been married a long time will tell you that all relationships are based on understanding and compromise!
But it shouldn't be hard work.
And grow together, not apart. I've lost so many friends like that.

[Jenny A]

Went to a fancy dress years ago.
Cracked some funny jokes to a girl with green tinsel hair and Dame Edna glasses!
Been married 25 years now to her!

But I don't believe there is "the one".
There are many who could be the one.
Anyone who's been married a long time will tell you that all relationships are based on understanding and compromise!
But it shouldn't be hard work.
And grow together, not apart. I've lost so many friends like that.

Indeed, there isn't the ONE. There are the many good choices. But once chosen, you have to make that choice work.

[StealthySkeptic]

FTR, man, seriously, good for you for not only getting these girls' numbers, but for not leading with, say, a lame pickup line. Treating girls like people and not targets is the best way to become their acquaintances, friends, lovers, what have you. And random meetings where you reach out are the best way to meet girls, or really anybody! I literally turned to the first person on my left and talked to her, and now we've been dating for close to four years.

[ignoramus]

FTR, man, seriously, good for you for not only getting these girls' numbers, but for not leading with, say, a lame pickup line. Treating girls like people and not targets is the best way to become their acquaintances, friends, lovers, what have you. And random meetings where you reach out are the best way to meet girls, or really anybody! I literally turned to the first person on my left and talked to her, and now we've been dating for close to four years.

He he, was it that sexy mysterious ninja uniform?
Girls fall for that!

[StealthySkeptic]

FTR, man, seriously, good for you for not only getting these girls' numbers, but for not leading with, say, a lame pickup line. Treating girls like people and not targets is the best way to become their acquaintances, friends, lovers, what have you. And random meetings where you reach out are the best way to meet girls, or really anybody! I literally turned to the first person on my left and talked to her, and now we've been dating for close to four years.

He he, was it that sexy mysterious ninja uniform?
Girls fall for that!

Oh you KNOW ninjas have to fend off all the girls!



Above: Totally my self portrait for this forum.

[ignoramus]

You'll burn in imaginary hell for that!

[Brakeman]

Like most people, I want a family, and this means that eventually I will have to find the girl - a.k.a. "the one" - that is for me.

Personally, I think seeking a lifemate by making a shopping list is the wrong way to go about it. (I made that mistake too)

I think the best way to find "the one" is to work slavishly to become "the one" on your side. Girls are looking, consciously and subconsciously, for guys that have sharply defined traits of compassion, confidence, honesty, stability, looks, and fun. If you strive hard to build that within yourself, (It's take more work than building a space station) you will attract the best woman who will show you the best within her.

The best women have strong radar!