Some bullying to enrage hearts

[Jackalope]

This seems like a good place to post this...

Being bullied as a child has more damaging consequences than being the victim of abuse or neglect, a new study shows.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/education/edu...-says.html

Anecdotally, I can say from personal experience that pervasive bullying can create lasting, damaging consequences.

[Thumpalumpacus]

I taught my son to fight back if he was ever bullied. It seems to have worked.

[Faith No More]

Part of me cringes at advocating violence, but if someone threatens you, what else are you going to do? The turn the other cheek method isn't going to work, because it will be perceived as weakness, which is the bully's lifeblood.

I'm a small guy, and I was doubly so when I was younger. Combine that with a baby face, and I looked like easy prey. A kid that was about a foot taller than me stole my gloves(In Michigan, gloves are precious) and was holding them over my head, taunting me with them. Now, this wasn't the appropriate response, but I reached up and bloodied his nose. You know what? He never bothered me again, and in fact, he never even told the teachers who did it.

My point is that the only message bullies understand is a taste of their own medicine, and I'm not going to let someone walk all over me out of some misplaced sense of moral duty.

[robvalue]

The schools I went to actually dealt with the bullying well. I went and told the teachers what was happening to me. They got everyone together in one place, and they said that bullying is taking place, and that it is going to stop right now. They didn't say who was getting bullied or who was doing it. It worked, the bullying stopped after that, at least at that school.

At high school (13-16) it was mainly verbal bullying, and I'd grown a thick skin by then. I just ignored it.

[Jackalope]

No, you're right, FNM, when faced with the threat of bodily harm, there's nothing wrong at all with responding in kind.

What I was hinting at is that I'd like to address the root causes of bullying and deal with that.  Be proactive rather than just reactive.

I fought back.  I still got my ass kicked on a regular basis for 8 or 9 years.

I'm not a small guy any more.

[Faith No More]

Oh, sure, but I think no matter how we address it, there will always be some bullying. It's just the nature of the beast. I think it's still best to be prepared how to personally face it.

[Jackalope]

I don't disagree at all.

Im glad the situation is at least being addressed these days - when I was a kid, everybody involved in "fighting" was treated as equally culpable.  I can't even tell you how many times I was suspended from school, when all I wanted was to be left alone.

[Faith No More]

It is a great thing to see bullying actually being addressed, but the Internet makes it kind of hard to ignore. It's right in front of our faces now.

A great side-effect of bullying awareness is that is brought light to the issue of suicide, which is something we still tend to ignore. There's the misconception that people that kill themselves are weak, but now that the actual effects of bullying are being understood, I hope that will shed light on that misunderstanding of suicide.

[Jackalope]

Yeah, it is hardER to ignore now - but FWIW, a lot of what happened when I grew up was not exactly a secret.  There were instances of blatant bullying that were witnessed by staff and ignored.

Suicide, yeah.  One of the kids in my neighborhood who was bullied killed himself Christmas Day.  He was 12.  Nobody seemed to care.

I don't mean to derail this with personal anecdotes, but kids can be cruel little monsters.

[Whateverist]

Definitely. Schools are much more accountable now for failing to address bullying. And now it can be even harder to track as it follows kids home online. At my middle school we do an enormous amount of pro-social groundwork which has worked better than I would have ever believed possible. Not to say all is good now.

In my own middle school experience I encountered bullies too and sometimes it felt like the old west. We moved from San Diego to just outside of Washington DC between my grades 7 and 8. I had to ride a bus five miles to school for the first time and after the first day of school, while waiting for my bus to finish loading I saw someone stick someone else with a knife.

I instinctively knew to display a little bluster and that stood me in good stead for a couple months. But then this huge man child threw an icy snow ball and got me in my ear one morning at the bus stop. I had to call him out or become an ongoing target. So after school we fought surrounded by everyone. He was slow but strong as well as experienced. I had never thrown a punch. Turns out that is not instinctive knowledge.

At one point a dentist drove by and chided everyone for putting their parents out so much money to him for the work he does on kids teeth after fights. I was never more grateful in my life. I found out I was quick but weak with no coordination for throwing a punch, in spite of having played handball in San Diego for hours every day.

That sent me down to the basement every afternoon after school. Where I would circle the string that hung down from a light with a little metal thingy at its end and punch that thing repeatedly. I became more coordinated at punching but probably not much stronger.

Anyhow it wasn't long before someone down the food chain decided he wanted to establish himself over me. So during a pick up football game he went after me. But this time I had more reach than he did and I landed all my punches while blocking all his. After a short while he turned around, ran off and I never had to fight in Maryland again. I did not like hitting another person in the face, but I did like feeling less vulnerable. I think the big lunkhead who kicked my ass originally actually was friendly to me at the end.

So yeah, fighting back can help but I think I would have much preferred never having to.