Living Biblically

[The Valkyrie]

So, as of July first, I have decided that I need to spend a year living Biblically.

This will involve, but is not limited to:

I will be keeping a slave but I will not beat him
I will not eat shellfish
I will not get a tattoo
I will not lie with a man as I do with other men (It will be known as Beccs' Year of Lesbianism)
I will not eat pig products
I will not associate with women when they are "unclean" (on their periods) - This could lead to a lot of time not talking to myself.
I will not teach men.  My current intern will just have to put his career on hold for a year
I will take disobedient children to the edge of town and stone them to death (the cops have to accept my freedom of religion argument, right?)
I will stone to death anyone working on the Sabbath (See above)


Any other suggestions are welcome.

[Minimalist]

No mixed fabrics.

[Metis]

How about enslaving the foreigners crossing over the border?

Once Consuela's worked out you can enslave her children too, maybe even start a breeding program of slaves?

Oooooh! Also, if it's the year of lesbianism; do a Solomon and get yourself a harem of 800 concubines.

[The Valkyrie]

True. I guess I'll have to reduce my wardrobe by 95%

[Tonus]

Any other suggestions are welcome.

If I pretend to be a virgin maiden, will you conquer my people and massacre my family?

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

To live Biblically (or at least Levitically), I promise not to do ANY of the following:

-I will not burn honey.  Just try and make me.

-I will not drink alcohol in holy places.  Not one.

-I will not eat a camel, a raven, or a monitor lizard.  I promise.

-I will not have sex with my mother.

-I will not - absolutely NOT - attend church for the 66 days after I give birth to a girl.

-I will not give my children as a sacrifice to Molek.

-I will not abuse a blind person.  I mean, I might make faces at one, but that's hardly abuse.

-I will not sell an Israelite as a slave.  An Englishman, sure...

Boru

[Jenny A]

None of it will do you a lick of good Beccs, unless you are one of god's chosen. It only works for those few who have a covenant with god. If you don't have a covenant god will order those who do to massacre you whether you wear mixed fibers or not. That's how the OT god works.

[The Valkyrie]

None of it will do you a lick of good Beccs, unless you are one of god's chosen.   It only works for those few who have a covenant with god.   If you don't have a covenant god will order those who do to  massacre you whether you wear mixed fibers or not.   That's how the OT god works.

Makes you wonder why they refer to Satan as the bad guy, doesn't it?

[Jenny A]

None of it will do you a lick of good Beccs, unless you are one of god's chosen.   It only works for those few who have a covenant with god.   If you don't have a covenant god will order those who do to  massacre you whether you wear mixed fibers or not.   That's how the OT god works.

Makes you wonder why they refer to Satan as the bad guy, doesn't it?

That's why I find the Gnostics so much fun.  They thought the OT god was Satan and Jesus came to help us escape the horrid torture chamber the OT god had created.  No evidence for it of course, but it makes a heck of a lot more sense than current christian teachings.  Unfortunately escaping involves recognizing that you are a sort of soul god with no real physical being.  And of course some poor unfortunate slobs really are all physical and therefore stuck here whether they become enlightened or not.  But as an explanation for the existence of evil, it's head and shoulders above Christianity.

[Cyberman]

I will not lie with a man as I do with other men (It will be known as Beccs' Year of Lesbianism)

Go on...