Living Biblically

[Whateverist]

If any angels come knocking you may be forced to lie with them.

[The Valkyrie]

If any angels come knocking you may be forced to lie with them.

Nah, I'm okay, I'm not a virgin.

[vorlon13]

Guess that rules out the Holy Spirit wandering by for a quickie . . .

[Jackalope]

I will be keeping a slave but I will not beat him

No no no... you can beat 'em, you just can't kill 'em.

[CapnAwesome]

http://www.ted.com/talks/a_j_jacobs_year...anguage=en

[Nope]

Deuteronomy 14:21 NIV Do not eat anything you find already dead. You may give it to an alien living in any of your towns, and he may eat it, or you may sell it to a foreigner. But you are a people holy to the LORD your God. Do not cook a young goat in its mother's milk.

No road kill

You can give the road kill to aliens that live in your town. (Maybe it will stop them from anally probing you)

For the love of all that is good, do not cook a baby goat in its mother's milk

[Nope]

Also, according to Numbers 30:3-4, you have a way out of you if don't want to honor any contract that you make. Move in with your dad.

"Also if a woman makes a vow to the LORD, and binds herself by an obligation in her father's house in her youth, 4and her father hears her vow and her obligation by which she has bound herself, and her father says nothing to her, then all her vows shall stand and every obligation by which she has bound herself shall stand. 5"But if her father should forbid her on the day he hears of it, none of her vows or her obligations by which she has bound herself shall stand; and the LORD will forgive her because her father had forbidden her.…

Also, if you have any cows, you can't let them graze with different breeds of cattle. I guess that they might get ideas about equality among bovines or something (Leviticus 19:19)

[polar bear]

You need to build a large wooden boat and invite all creatures far and wide.  The rain is certainly coming next year.  I can help build it if you let me on board.

When the boat finally hits land you need to get drunk, pass out and let your sons see you naked.

Here is the dilemma though, I know it is the year of lesbianism but you will need to repopulate the earth and we certainly don't have time to wait a year.  Would you consider a couple quickies with the holy spirit, just for the sake of the worlds population?

[abaris]

So, as of July first, I have decided that I need to spend a year living Biblically.

This will involve, but is not limited to:

I will be keeping a slave but I will not beat him

But you may beat him. Within an inch of his life, if you so desire. If he survives for another three days, you're perfectly in the clear. Given your profession, that shouldn't be that hard to manage. You know where to punch without doing too much instant damage.

[Godscreated]

So, as of July first, I have decided that I need to spend a year living Biblically.

This will involve, but is not limited to:

I will be keeping a slave but I will not beat him
I will not eat shellfish
I will not get a tattoo
I will not lie with a man as I do with other men (It will be known as Beccs' Year of Lesbianism)
I will not eat pig products
I will not associate with women when they are "unclean" (on their periods) - This could lead to a lot of time not talking to myself.
I will not teach men.  My current intern will just have to put his career on hold for a year
I will take disobedient children to the edge of town and stone them to death (the cops have to accept my freedom of religion argument, right?)
I will stone to death anyone working on the Sabbath (See above)


Any other suggestions are welcome.