“Jesus Not Coming Back By The Looks Of It” Admits Vatican

[madog]

Just wish they waited until he returned before they wrote the fucking book 

[Aegon]

A satire article from 2014?

Y'all need to take an online literacy course or something.

[GUBU]

A SPOKESPERSON for the Vatican has officially announced today that the second coming of Jesus, the only son of the God, may not happen now after all, but urged followers to still continue with their faith, regardless of the news.

Cardinal Giorgio Salvadore told WWN that this years 1,981st anniversary is to be the Vatican’s last in regards to waiting for the Lord to return to Earth.

“We just feel Jesus is not coming back by the looks of it.” he said. “It’s been ages like. He’s probably flat out doing other really good things for people somewhere else.”

Nearly two thousand years ago, Jesus promised his disciples that he would come again in chapter John 14:1-3 of the bible: “There are many homes up where my Father lives, and I am going to prepare them for your coming. When everything is ready, then I will come and get you, so that you can always be with Me where I am. If this weren’t so, I would tell you plainly”

The Vatican defended Jesus’ broken promise, claiming “he was probably drinking wine” at the time when he made the comments.

“Having the ability to turn water into wine had its ups and its downs.” added Cardinal Salvadore. “We all make promises we can’t keep when we’re drunk. Jesus was no different.”

http://waterfordwhispersnews.com/2014/04...s-vatican/

If only they admitted this centuries ago, a lot of bloodshed could have been prevented.

Good old Waterford Whispers. Prints the news that others fear to.

[Succubus]

A satire article from 2014?

Y'all need to take an online literacy course or something.

Well I spotted that and I'm sure a few others did but Iwee* weren't so churlish as to point it out.

*Not a real word apparently.