Good God (it's just a figure of speech, dammit!) hell YES. All the time, every day, with every breath.
My childhood wasn't ideal. It was kind of violent. I'll spare you the details. But I would pray to Jesus every day and every night to make it better, to make me good enough, so that I would be worthy of love. You know, Jesus never came round, never said anything back . . . I would sit in church on those days when I was "in trouble", and being told that I could not take communion because I had been BAD - - - and I would hum in my head "it is well, with my soul - whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well, with my soul". I no longer believe I have a soul, but the hymn still makes me cry.
I came home from a class one summer day to find the house empty. No one was at either neighbors house. No one on the streets. They found me crying in my closet, because I was sure the rapture had come, and I was such a bad girl they didn't take me. Oh, btw, I got straight A's. I had to. I didn't talk back. I did my chores. I had been taught early on that any hint of rebellion would put me in the hospital. But I still managed to leave dust on my dresser, and sometimes didn't get the kitchen or bathroom spotlessly clean - - oh, yes, I was a flawed and evil child.
And then, like you, I found myself attracted to girls, not guys. Oh boy. When I came out to my parents in 1988, they disowned me. I would be allowed back in their home when I was married to a preacher, and pregnant. Well, THAT didn't happen. My mother is still alive - so I've been told.
Theists always say that atheists must be angry at god. No. I no longer believe god exists, so I might as well have prayed to Santa - - - he didn't help either, because he doesn't exist either. But yes, I am angry at religion, and teachings that tortured me as a child and ripped my family from me as an adult. I'm angry because I have had to fight my way through therapy and the death of belief into a semblance of sanity. But I am grateful that I am NOT straight, and not married to a preacher, and for the life twists and turns that forced me to re-evaluate what I was taught as a child.
Yep. My former religion BROKE me. I had to put Humpty-Dumpty back together with my own string, glue, and bandages, thank you very much.
My childhood wasn't ideal. It was kind of violent. I'll spare you the details. But I would pray to Jesus every day and every night to make it better, to make me good enough, so that I would be worthy of love. You know, Jesus never came round, never said anything back . . . I would sit in church on those days when I was "in trouble", and being told that I could not take communion because I had been BAD - - - and I would hum in my head "it is well, with my soul - whatever my lot, thou hast taught me to say, it is well, it is well, with my soul". I no longer believe I have a soul, but the hymn still makes me cry.
I came home from a class one summer day to find the house empty. No one was at either neighbors house. No one on the streets. They found me crying in my closet, because I was sure the rapture had come, and I was such a bad girl they didn't take me. Oh, btw, I got straight A's. I had to. I didn't talk back. I did my chores. I had been taught early on that any hint of rebellion would put me in the hospital. But I still managed to leave dust on my dresser, and sometimes didn't get the kitchen or bathroom spotlessly clean - - oh, yes, I was a flawed and evil child.
And then, like you, I found myself attracted to girls, not guys. Oh boy. When I came out to my parents in 1988, they disowned me. I would be allowed back in their home when I was married to a preacher, and pregnant. Well, THAT didn't happen. My mother is still alive - so I've been told.
Theists always say that atheists must be angry at god. No. I no longer believe god exists, so I might as well have prayed to Santa - - - he didn't help either, because he doesn't exist either. But yes, I am angry at religion, and teachings that tortured me as a child and ripped my family from me as an adult. I'm angry because I have had to fight my way through therapy and the death of belief into a semblance of sanity. But I am grateful that I am NOT straight, and not married to a preacher, and for the life twists and turns that forced me to re-evaluate what I was taught as a child.
Yep. My former religion BROKE me. I had to put Humpty-Dumpty back together with my own string, glue, and bandages, thank you very much.
"The family that prays together...is brainwashing their children."- Albert Einstein
