The "I have a confession thread"

[Reforged]

So... I think I have a problem.
My ex left me about a week ago. Love of my life etc etc. Long cliched story, would bore you to tears.

Anyway, she said alot of stuff. Some of it fair, alot of it not. But one thing she said resonated and that was that I "changed" constantly. I know I'm prone to the occasional mood swing but the way she framed it was like I was schitzo or something. But I reflect and maybe she has a point. Like just now I went from being calm and collected to completely irrational and angry. Now I feel uncertain and disorientated. I haven't slept properly in a while. Maybe its just the result of this past week or maybe its something wrong with me. I don't think anyone who knew me could really dispute that I'm a nice person but... maybe I do have a problem. I don't know.
Theres alot of shit thats grated on me for years. Maybe its affected me and I just don't see it. She kept saying I was manipulative but all I really cared about was making her happy. I thought. But maybe shes right. Maybe I am manipulative and I'm just too fucked to see it. I read what I just typed and... I can kind of see it. Justifications after every shortcoming without fail, all of it framed like I'm a victim. Am I typing it that way because its true or because its what I want to be true? I don't know who I am anymore.