The Not-so-elephant In The Room

[BrianSoddingBoru4]

'The whole religious complexion of the modern world is due to the absence from Jerusalem of a Lunatic Asylum.' - Havelock Ellis

I can't see any room to improve on that. When humanity grows up, people who go round talking about their invisible friend who grants their wishes, loves them, and will punish them eternally for slight infractions of the rules will be put under care. Imagine this:

'Hi, Boru!'

'Hullo, John. Been a while. What's new?'

'Well, since last we talked, I've made an amazing new friend!'

'Glad to hear it. What's your friend like?'

'He's grand! He says that I'm the most special person ever, and he loves me and won't ever leave my side.'

*pause* 'Erm, if he won't ever leave you, why isn't he here now?'

'Oh, he is.'

'Well, that's all right, th-...wait - he's here now?

'Sure.'

'John, umm, I don't see him.'

'Ha ha. You can't see him. You have to be his friend before you can see him.'

'John...can you see him? I mean, right now?'

'Of course. I see him, hear him, feel him.'

*nervously* 'Let's back up a tic. You have a friend who's here right now, but the only way I can see him is to become his friend first?'

'Yes! And not only will you see him, once he's your friend, he'll give you everything you ask for.'

'Umm...'

'It's true! I asked him for an apple tart about a week ago, and this morning, I walked passed a café that was selling apple tarts!'

'Hmm. What else does your new friend do for you?'

'Well, he's told me that I won't ever, ever die, and he's made me realize that my mum and my sisters and my wife aren't as important as I used to think. At least, not nearly as important as he is.'

'John, I have a friend as well. She's called 'Doctor Wilson' and she spends a lot of time talking to people with friends like yours. Would you like to meet her? Your new friend can come along too, of course.'

'He will. He already knows Dr. Wilson. He knows everything, because he's everywhere at the same time.'

'Yerp. Let's go see Dr. Wilson.'

Boru