I grew up in a culturally Catholic, barely practicing (like, I'm nearly 36 years old, and I've been in a church maybe 6-8 times in my life) family. I learned the general idea of god and Jesus (the Holy Spirit/Ghost has never made any sense to me), and had a general belief in it even if the whole "Jesus is the son of god, but also god" thing was weird. I didn't understand it, and just regurgitated what the adults around me said regarding it.
That said, I was incredibly skeptical even when I was young. I remember flipping out and crying when I learned I was baptized because it was done without my consent, and what if it was the wrong god? And I remember thinking that meant I would be forced to go to church, which I absolutely hated. Catholic church in New England in the early-to-mid 1980's was a dreary, frightening experience for me. Dark, dank buildings, where some guy you don't know is lecturing not just me but the adults about stuff I didn't understand, with everyone moving in unison at seemingly random times, and reciting/chanting weird shit in the most Borg-like monotone.
So, I went through a long phase of my childhood where I kind of believed in my own flavor of god, an ideal (to me) imaginary friend, but questions and doubts remained, and none of them were ever answered in a satisfying way. It didn't really affect me much in my daily life, though, because, like I said, we didn't actually practice the religion most of the time. As I got older, I just thought less and less about it.
When I got into UNH, I went through one of those forced "I love everyone, spirituality is real, maaaaaaannnnn" phases before just admitting to myself that what I thought and vaguely believed in as a child simply didn't exist. It was my own creation, done at the gun barrel of peer pressure, and worthless. I never actually believed in god because the version of god the people around me believed in was itself is so contradictory that there was nothing to believe in at all.
TLDR; Always an atheist, didn't realize it until my early 20s.
That said, I was incredibly skeptical even when I was young. I remember flipping out and crying when I learned I was baptized because it was done without my consent, and what if it was the wrong god? And I remember thinking that meant I would be forced to go to church, which I absolutely hated. Catholic church in New England in the early-to-mid 1980's was a dreary, frightening experience for me. Dark, dank buildings, where some guy you don't know is lecturing not just me but the adults about stuff I didn't understand, with everyone moving in unison at seemingly random times, and reciting/chanting weird shit in the most Borg-like monotone.
So, I went through a long phase of my childhood where I kind of believed in my own flavor of god, an ideal (to me) imaginary friend, but questions and doubts remained, and none of them were ever answered in a satisfying way. It didn't really affect me much in my daily life, though, because, like I said, we didn't actually practice the religion most of the time. As I got older, I just thought less and less about it.
When I got into UNH, I went through one of those forced "I love everyone, spirituality is real, maaaaaaannnnn" phases before just admitting to myself that what I thought and vaguely believed in as a child simply didn't exist. It was my own creation, done at the gun barrel of peer pressure, and worthless. I never actually believed in god because the version of god the people around me believed in was itself is so contradictory that there was nothing to believe in at all.
TLDR; Always an atheist, didn't realize it until my early 20s.
"I was thirsty for everything, but blood wasn't my style" - Live, "Voodoo Lady"
