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Atheist Forums › Discussion › Off Topic v
So I wrote a poem..

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So I wrote a poem..
Athene Offline Donators
Do You See What I See?
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#33
RE: So I wrote a poem..
February 15, 2016 at 7:13 pm
(February 15, 2016 at 1:58 am)pool the great Wrote:


The poem's not too bad. It came very close to evoking an emotional response from me as I read it, but it got a bit choppy. I think Homeless Nutter may have been on the right track regarding the repetitious use of "heart" within the text of the poem. 

If the poem were mine, I would consider seeing the use of metaphors through to the end in those lines, by simply expounding upon them a bit; If you use clear and complete metaphors, you won't have to rely on the use of simple/common sounding words (such as heart) that actually have a significant meaning. 

It definitely has potential, IMO.
Thanks for posting it. Smile
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Atheist Forums › Discussion › Off Topic v
So I wrote a poem..

Messages In This Thread
So I wrote a poem.. - by ErGingerbreadMandude - February 15, 2016 at 1:58 am
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Exian - February 15, 2016 at 4:40 am
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Alex K - February 15, 2016 at 4:48 am
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Excited Penguin - February 15, 2016 at 4:42 am
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by ErGingerbreadMandude - February 15, 2016 at 5:09 am
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Homeless Nutter - February 15, 2016 at 7:37 am
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Brian37 - February 15, 2016 at 8:07 am
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Brian37 - February 15, 2016 at 8:02 am
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Thumpalumpacus - February 15, 2016 at 12:24 pm
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Brian37 - February 15, 2016 at 12:34 pm
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Excited Penguin - February 15, 2016 at 4:33 pm
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Thumpalumpacus - February 15, 2016 at 6:45 pm
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Exian - February 15, 2016 at 4:53 am
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by ErGingerbreadMandude - February 15, 2016 at 5:07 am
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Exian - February 16, 2016 at 7:45 am
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by ignoramus - February 15, 2016 at 6:59 am
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by ErGingerbreadMandude - February 15, 2016 at 8:03 am
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by ErGingerbreadMandude - February 15, 2016 at 8:09 am
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Brian37 - February 15, 2016 at 8:27 am
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Thumpalumpacus - February 15, 2016 at 3:32 pm
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Brian37 - February 15, 2016 at 3:55 pm
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by vorlon13 - February 15, 2016 at 3:37 pm
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Homeless Nutter - February 15, 2016 at 4:11 pm
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by ignoramus - February 15, 2016 at 3:46 pm
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by John V - February 15, 2016 at 4:21 pm
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Brian37 - February 15, 2016 at 4:30 pm
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Athene - February 15, 2016 at 6:14 pm
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Ravenshire - February 15, 2016 at 6:40 pm
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Thumpalumpacus - February 15, 2016 at 6:46 pm
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Brian37 - February 15, 2016 at 6:57 pm
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by ignoramus - February 15, 2016 at 7:43 pm
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by John V - February 15, 2016 at 9:40 pm
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Athene - February 15, 2016 at 10:40 pm
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by ErGingerbreadMandude - February 15, 2016 at 10:46 pm
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Excited Penguin - February 15, 2016 at 6:56 pm
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Brian37 - February 15, 2016 at 6:59 pm
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by BrianSoddingBoru4 - February 15, 2016 at 7:04 pm
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Athene - February 15, 2016 at 7:13 pm
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Brian37 - February 16, 2016 at 7:07 am
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Brian37 - February 16, 2016 at 7:29 am
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Brian37 - February 16, 2016 at 8:08 am
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by John V - February 16, 2016 at 9:02 am
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Brian37 - February 16, 2016 at 9:08 am
RE: So I wrote a poem.. - by Exian - February 16, 2016 at 10:00 am

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