(March 19, 2011 at 5:02 pm)Aerzia Saerules Arktuos Wrote: If you actually want to die: make darn sure you're going to succeed. If you don't want to die: don't try. Death is final, a half-measured approach is only going to hurt a lot.
I guess what I'm saying is that it's rare to feel (when you're depressed) like you 100% want to die, or that you 100% don't want to die. Usually it's somewhere in between, and you're struggling with both options. And of course you're not thinking all that rationally, so you're conflicted and confused. That's my experience anyway.
(March 19, 2011 at 5:02 pm)Aerzia Saerules Arktuos Wrote: I'm mildly cheerful that you failed though
Well thanks
So am I, life definitely got better 
(March 19, 2011 at 5:02 pm)Aerzia Saerules Arktuos Wrote: I always will view failure poorly (especially that of myself). I am not judging people who fail to commit suicide because they are depressed/suicidal... i am judging them because they failed... and failed something so easily accomplished as death.
I judge myself harshly for failure as well. And there is definitely that shame when you fail to kill yourself, like 'why can't I just do ONE goddamn thing right, for once.' I agree that death is easily accomplished, but I just don't think it's an easy decision to make, it's a pretty agonizing one. Like, 'What will happen if I'm rescued? What about the pain I'll be causing my loved ones? What if things would've got better if I'd just waited? What if there's a God and I'm going to hell?' (well, I wouldn't be thinking THAT one anymore, at least
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