(April 21, 2016 at 5:54 pm)Drich Wrote:(April 21, 2016 at 5:23 pm)Losty Wrote: Well that's the difference between myself and that woman. If my kids were acting out and I was broken. (It has happened back when I had 5 kids one with autism and I was very sick) If someone asked me if I needed help I may have said yes. If that someone proceeded to grab my child and threaten them that someone would be in jail for assault and battery.
My children are not angels. I am lucky because my kids are relatively easier than other kids. But I think a lot of that comes from my parenting style. My kids are not afraid. They trust me. They listen to what I ask of them because they know that I live my entire life for them. I do everything in my power to make sure they have all the things they want and need. I let them make their own choices (mostly with how they dress and small things). I listen to them and I respect their thoughts, opinions, and concerns. And I never ever hit them, nor would I ever allow anyone to ever hit them. I teach them constructive ways to solve conflicts. Just as I can stop a child for a talk about what choices we think are best and why we should and shouldn't do things, my kids can stop themselves and ask themselves these questions and make good choices...for themselves.
That's the reason they're good kids. Also, there are no kids who are monsters...only parents.
"There are no bad kids only bad parents." That's a saying my best friend who "works with" (bad) kids says. I do agree for the most part, but I've seen both. I've seen twins one a model child the other the polar opposite. No matter what we like to tell ourselves, all were not created equal. some are just smarter than others. some are more emotional and stronger. Some are 'gay' (the real meaning of the word) and friendly as the day is long while other are angry and spiteful. Parents have a strong influence over children, they do whether they use this influence or not, but in the end it is upto the kid to decide who he will or will not be. To say only one type of parenting is going to always work on every single personality, and level of comprehension is beyond foolish. It it worked for you 5 times out of 5 then with a full heart i applaud your efforts. However if it only worked 3 times out of 5 and you let the other 2 run a muck because what worked with the other 3 didn't work with them and you were not willing to meet their need. Then I would be reluctant to applaud your efforts in the same way.
Did you see what i said there? Do you understand that even if your method of parenting failed 2 of your children I do not hold you in the same contempt that you and some of your peers levied against me?
While I might see you as a free range hippy douche I'm not about forcing you to comply with something you are not equip to administer. I am not about forcing you to adopt something your not equipped to do. I am simply content to disagree, even though you by letting two of your kids free range into whatever trouble they want, which can do far more damage than a simple swat( in a non emotion controlled environment) can.
why do you think the supposed nonviolent side can be so militant (even threatening physical harm to the adult) that could potentially save a kids life?
You have no business holding me in contempt. I hold you in contempt because you seem to think it's ok to hit someone if they don't act how you want them to. It's not. I spent 23 years being hit by people who loved me and only meant to mold me into the best person they wanted me to be. First my parents. Very consistent. Very structured. Then my husband.
The difference between you and I is that I think it's worse for an adult to hit a child than it is for a spouse to hit a spouse. They're both awful, but children have no way to defend themselves. They can't leave. They can't fight back. They have no options. Children depend on adults for their very survival. Children are the most vulnerable humans. They should be protected not hit.
It's disgusting to hit a child. It's not loving. It is training. I was trained (among many things) to be submissive and obedient to those who are bigger than me. I was trained to believe that if someone physically hurts me it's because of my own character flaws.
When my parents, and then my husband hit me, I truly believed it was because I wasn't a good enough person, because I was failing them, because my character needed building.
When you hit your kids you train them up to believe a lot of things that aren't true.
