Sex with a transsexual.

[robvalue]

Let's say you've already been talking to someone, and you find them attractive. Maybe you even get a bit heated and some clothes come off. You still like what you see.

Now they stop you, and confess they were actually born a different sex, but have had surgery to change (obviously as well as hormones etc. most likely).

What now? Do you suddenly find them unattractive, when a minute ago you were keen as mustard? If so, it's nothing to do with them physically. It's probably to do with your mental attitude.

This is just an observation. I'm not trying to judge anyone. Everyone is entitled to make their own decisions regarding who they date, and who they have sex with. If that means they don't want to do either with someone who has changed sex, that is totally up to them. I don't consider this "bigoted". We should try and treat everyone as fairly as we can in general, but this doesn't extend to what personal relationships we choose to have, and to what degree.

Some people here have readily admitted it's to do with them, rather than the other person. I respect that. They manage to do so without going into a hate essay as well, which some people obviously feel the need to do to justify their position to themselves. You don't want to sleep with them, fine. You don't have to degrade them by describing them as faulty, mentally ill, unworthy, or duplicitous as well.

Coming back to my original point, I wonder if some people assume they just wouldn't be attracted to someone who has had a sex change. Maybe they wouldn't, but if they hadn't realised up to that point, even with many clothes off, it's the persons history they are actually not attracted to. As for what post-op genetalia actually look like, I admit to having no idea. But I'd be very surprised if they would suddenly put someone off who liked everything else up to that point. It's more the idea behind it that puts some people off, I think. And again, I'm not judging that. It's a personal choice.

It brings up another issue though... does a post-op transsexual have a moral duty to make this known? And if so, at what point? My stance would used to be that the other person has a right to know in order to make an informed decision. Now I'm not entirely sure. Of course, if there's some way it's actually going to become quite obvious, then allowing this to be "discovered" rather than communicated is probably not a good idea. But if someone can fully pass for the opposite sex, do they really have a duty to confess to their past? That's tough. I'm actually starting to lean towards no, at least in general, and for a casual relationship. My personal preferences and advice for a more serious relationship are those of maximum honesty. So I think when things get to there, it's probably wise to share. But this then creates a grey area of sleeping with someone, and then telling them afterwards if the relationship is getting more serious. I'm not entirely sure. I can see both sides, and I think this is as a result of my improved understanding from the transsexual person's point of view.

I think my position on this has actually changed as a result of my learning, too. I think I would have previously said that I wouldn't sleep with a transsexual, out of personal discomfort. Now, I don't feel that way at all. So in my case at least, clearly the barrier was in my mind.