Midlife Crisis?

[robvalue]

I'm definitely having some sort of mid-life crisis, fuelled by my depression trying to find "quick fix" ways to make me happy and make all my problems go away.

I was just fantasising about an open relationship again. I'd never even given it serious consideration before, because the whole idea made me feel sick. (This isn't a criticism of anyone who does enjoy open relationships. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with them at all, just that they aren't for me.) But I got a sudden rush of excitement thinking how amazing it would be! Gosh, how exciting!

And as per my depression, it neglected to mention all the very real reasons why I never wanted an open relationship in the first place. When I sit down and think about it calmly, it's obvious I don't want that. But I can see how easily people do launch into these mid life crisis things. Emma was upset that I even mentioned it to her as a fantasy, but I reassured her that it's nothing more than that. I have to talk these things through, or else they bounce around in my head and drive me crazy. If I acted on every "good idea at the time" thing I thought...

I've never even flirted with anyone the whole time we've been together (not intentionally at least) and that's the way it will stay. That's what I really want, when my brain is calm and thinking clearly.