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RE: Midlife Crisis?
April 29, 2016 at 5:49 am
(This post was last modified: April 29, 2016 at 5:52 am by robvalue.)
I'm definitely having some sort of mid-life crisis, fuelled by my depression trying to find "quick fix" ways to make me happy and make all my problems go away.
I was just fantasising about an open relationship again. I'd never even given it serious consideration before, because the whole idea made me feel sick. (This isn't a criticism of anyone who does enjoy open relationships. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with them at all, just that they aren't for me.) But I got a sudden rush of excitement thinking how amazing it would be! Gosh, how exciting!
And as per my depression, it neglected to mention all the very real reasons why I never wanted an open relationship in the first place. When I sit down and think about it calmly, it's obvious I don't want that. But I can see how easily people do launch into these mid life crisis things. Emma was upset that I even mentioned it to her as a fantasy, but I reassured her that it's nothing more than that. I have to talk these things through, or else they bounce around in my head and drive me crazy. If I acted on every "good idea at the time" thing I thought...
I've never even flirted with anyone the whole time we've been together (not intentionally at least) and that's the way it will stay. That's what I really want, when my brain is calm and thinking clearly.
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RE: Midlife Crisis?
April 29, 2016 at 5:19 pm
Perhaps being completely open with one's spouse about everything isn't always a good idea.
Some things are probably best kept to oneself.
Or not, IDK.
If I were an expert on marriage, I'd still be married. 
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RE: Midlife Crisis?
April 29, 2016 at 5:24 pm
My fantasies are way better than any reality I could ever be a part of.
"For me, it is far better to grasp the Universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring." - Carl Sagan
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RE: Midlife Crisis?
April 29, 2016 at 5:33 pm
I choose my words carefully when talking to her indoors, I have learned the hard way over the years, being honest in a marriage is for fools, knowing what to say and when, is half the battle. I've been married for 20 years btw and it's not been a bed of roses by any stretch of the imagination, but I love her and she loves me, that's all that matters.
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RE: Midlife Crisis?
April 30, 2016 at 3:51 am
(This post was last modified: April 30, 2016 at 3:53 am by robvalue.)
(April 29, 2016 at 5:19 pm)Thena323 Wrote: Perhaps being completely open with one's spouse about everything isn't always a good idea.
Some things are probably best kept to oneself.
Or not, IDK.
If I were an expert on marriage, I'd still be married.
I wouldn't make any general statements about it. Being completely honest works for me. In fact it couldn't work any other way. If someone can't handle me being honest, which obviously includes the less comfortable things (it's easy to be honest about nice things) then they wouldn't be a good fit for me. This has happened in the past.
Of course, I wouldn't expect or suggest everyone to do the same. It's a personal thing. Again, it's not like I broadcast every thought I have, just those that feel significant which I feel I need to talk about. Basically, if I'm feeling uncomfortable about a thought that has been lingering for a length of time, I feel I need to share it. It feels like my conscience is telling me to do so. Of course there are some weird things I think that have no bearing on anything, and there would be no point sharing them. They're not relevant to our relationship, and they wouldn't be of any interest to Emma. So I do have my own private little world going on.
I honestly believe, in my case, it has saved our relationship many times, and Emma agrees. For me, it's about being realistic regarding the kind of thoughts and feelings humans do have, instead of pretending they don't happen at all.
Oh by the way, I came up with a name for a man's mid life crisis: the manopause
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RE: Midlife Crisis?
April 30, 2016 at 2:22 pm
(This post was last modified: April 30, 2016 at 2:23 pm by robvalue.)
Apparently the manopause is about seeking excitement and new experiences. I certainly did that today! We went to a theme park, and I went from being a total pussy who was scared of even moderately fast rides, to going on every ride in the place. It was a real rush! My wife managed to get some footage of me on one of the most ridiculous ones, I'll try and upload it soon! Plus it proves my wife is real since there's no way I could have filmed it myself.
Also I went skating, which is very exciting because I haven't been for years! I fucking love roller skating! I'll definitely be returning for more of that. Luckily my weight is low enough not to have thrown off my balance, and my muscle memory was adequate.
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RE: Midlife Crisis?
April 30, 2016 at 5:12 pm
Rob.... manopause doesn't sound right... maybe manorush 
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RE: Midlife Crisis?
April 30, 2016 at 5:17 pm
(April 29, 2016 at 5:24 pm)c172 Wrote: My fantasies are way better than any reality I could ever be a part of.
I used to be the same but now it's kind of the reverse
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RE: Midlife Crisis?
April 30, 2016 at 5:38 pm
(This post was last modified: April 30, 2016 at 5:43 pm by RozKek.)
(April 30, 2016 at 5:17 pm)Alasdair Ham Wrote: (April 29, 2016 at 5:24 pm)c172 Wrote: My fantasies are way better than any reality I could ever be a part of.
I used to be the same but now it's kind of the reverse
Me too, I like having fantasies and I enjoy them but I'd rather live in this world right now. In fantasies there is usually no hard work, you just get whatever you want whenever you want without effort which I personally do not prefer. I love the satisfaction of having to work hard through let's say a stressful week and then at the end just relax, chill do whatever I want in a limited precious "time window". Or working hard to build muscles or working hard to ace every exam.
But at the same time I like running through a fire, beating the shit out of the villans and rescuing the cat (always the cat) and have all the people cheering at me. 
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RE: Midlife Crisis?
April 30, 2016 at 7:09 pm
Rob, I went to a theme park recently and I had to be the one to accompany my nephew on the fastest, scariest ride.
It made me realise that I'm getting old because towards the end of the ride I was fucking terrified.
I almost closed my eyes. I was a little disappointed with myself.
At least I can get cheap thrills now. I quite enjoy the swings when I take my daughter to the park, it's a real rush. :-)
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