I hate Church and still feel obligated to go
May 1, 2016 at 10:46 am
(This post was last modified: May 1, 2016 at 10:57 am by dragonman73.)
First and foremost, I am an atheist. I don’t believe in the Bible and I feel teaching this stuff as fact to impressionable children is wrong. I feel Christianity as a whole is full of hatred and bigotry.
I didn’t become a Christian until my late 20’s, so I wasn’t spoon fed these beliefs growing up. But my wife on the other hand was raised in Church since she was two.
I’ve been married for 16 years and have no kids. We are in our early 40's now.
We have a great marriage other than………Church. Or more specifically me not wanting to go anymore.
We’ve been going to my wife’s home church since 2003 and have been pretty active early on; doing anything they have with kids. We were there a lot and it got exhausting sometimes.
Keep in mind we never were “devout” Christians, our Bible stayed in the trunk of the car most of the time and we never prayed in our daily lives and so forth.
I think my wife likes the social aspect more than anything because it’s been her church since she was 2 years old. She has lots of friends and family invested in this. Church is her identity.
I’ve became a full blown atheist a few years ago after wrestling with it for a year. It took me a year to de-convert because every time I felt like I was questioning “God” I was in fear of something bad happening to me. Eventually I got over that.
Only my wife and a few co-workers know that I am an atheist. I live smack dab in the Bible belt so it’s not an easy thing to “come out” here. I have a lot at stake and a lot to lose. Over here it can affect your employment if you’re not careful.
Now on to my issue at hand……………
But I have been teaching a kids Sunday class and children’s church for a few years now. I started out doing this full time because it somewhat isolates me from main church and I still keep the wife happy with the appearances and stuff. I don’t have to listen to the preachers “spill” and I don’t have to deal with people. I’m somewhat in control here.
Keep in mind this isn’t a paid position, strictly volunteer.
The problem is I hate even being at church. It conflicts with my morals and values and what the Bible stands for. I don’t want to be the one telling impressionable minds that a virgin was impregnated and a great flood happened.
And I feel like an idiot “teaching” this stuff to children when I don’t even believe it. I know I am lying to them. To make it worse, I am the one that does all of this, my wife doesn’t help. I’m doing all of the talking and when kids have a God related question I let her answer it…..and she usually just tells them to ask their parents or skips over the question. I think deep down she knows it’s BS too.
I have tried several times to “stop” teaching the classes, but my wife gets upset and really wants to be there and we are a “package deal” I suppose. To keep her happy I give in.
But it’s tearing me apart and causes a lot of resentment on my part.
I know we get one shot at life and I don’t want to waste it on Sunday mornings doing something I don’t want to do. I remember life without Church on Sundays and want that back. I enjoyed having that Sunday to do what I want to do. I already have to be at work for 5 days of the week, the weekend should be mine.
And to add insult to the injury I am in my 40’s and it takes a huge argument if I decide I want to “skip” on Church. I usually get what I want, but it costs me a lot of headache to get it.
We have 8 year olds at Church that can decide if they don’t want to go that week and I am a grown ass man. It's embarrassing to me.
To make me feel more like an idiot, we have a revolving door of families that skip every other week. I feel like I have to be there to make my wife happy and the kids have a teacher, but families are skipping out whenever they want to. A lot of their kids play sports on Sundays so that takes priority over anything else. We never see the same people each week.
I think my wife wouldn’t have a problem quitting either but she feels like she is letting the kids and people down. And she still has a lot of friends and family that go to that Church. I felt guilty like that too, but for my personal sanity I learned to quit pleasing others and worry about myself.
We have skipped out on doing a lot of stuff with us as a couple because Saturday is my day of rest because I know my Sunday is shot because I am spending most of the morning doing something I don’t want to do. If I knew I had two whole days free I would be more apt to go out on Saturdays and I can sleep in on Sunday mornings.
So here I am typing this right now, I skipped out on Church today, but my wife went. It took an argument to get to this point and I still feel like I am letting her down.
I’m also worried about what her parents and some church people would think of me if I quit going, as well as her thinking what they would think of me too I am sure.
I want people to see me as a good person because of who I am and not what "club" I belong too.
But if I don’t do this I am going to be miserable the rest of my life, I can’t do this religion thing anymore. Life is too short.
I didn’t become a Christian until my late 20’s, so I wasn’t spoon fed these beliefs growing up. But my wife on the other hand was raised in Church since she was two.
I’ve been married for 16 years and have no kids. We are in our early 40's now.
We have a great marriage other than………Church. Or more specifically me not wanting to go anymore.
We’ve been going to my wife’s home church since 2003 and have been pretty active early on; doing anything they have with kids. We were there a lot and it got exhausting sometimes.
Keep in mind we never were “devout” Christians, our Bible stayed in the trunk of the car most of the time and we never prayed in our daily lives and so forth.
I think my wife likes the social aspect more than anything because it’s been her church since she was 2 years old. She has lots of friends and family invested in this. Church is her identity.
I’ve became a full blown atheist a few years ago after wrestling with it for a year. It took me a year to de-convert because every time I felt like I was questioning “God” I was in fear of something bad happening to me. Eventually I got over that.
Only my wife and a few co-workers know that I am an atheist. I live smack dab in the Bible belt so it’s not an easy thing to “come out” here. I have a lot at stake and a lot to lose. Over here it can affect your employment if you’re not careful.
Now on to my issue at hand……………
But I have been teaching a kids Sunday class and children’s church for a few years now. I started out doing this full time because it somewhat isolates me from main church and I still keep the wife happy with the appearances and stuff. I don’t have to listen to the preachers “spill” and I don’t have to deal with people. I’m somewhat in control here.
Keep in mind this isn’t a paid position, strictly volunteer.
The problem is I hate even being at church. It conflicts with my morals and values and what the Bible stands for. I don’t want to be the one telling impressionable minds that a virgin was impregnated and a great flood happened.
And I feel like an idiot “teaching” this stuff to children when I don’t even believe it. I know I am lying to them. To make it worse, I am the one that does all of this, my wife doesn’t help. I’m doing all of the talking and when kids have a God related question I let her answer it…..and she usually just tells them to ask their parents or skips over the question. I think deep down she knows it’s BS too.
I have tried several times to “stop” teaching the classes, but my wife gets upset and really wants to be there and we are a “package deal” I suppose. To keep her happy I give in.
But it’s tearing me apart and causes a lot of resentment on my part.
I know we get one shot at life and I don’t want to waste it on Sunday mornings doing something I don’t want to do. I remember life without Church on Sundays and want that back. I enjoyed having that Sunday to do what I want to do. I already have to be at work for 5 days of the week, the weekend should be mine.
And to add insult to the injury I am in my 40’s and it takes a huge argument if I decide I want to “skip” on Church. I usually get what I want, but it costs me a lot of headache to get it.
We have 8 year olds at Church that can decide if they don’t want to go that week and I am a grown ass man. It's embarrassing to me.
To make me feel more like an idiot, we have a revolving door of families that skip every other week. I feel like I have to be there to make my wife happy and the kids have a teacher, but families are skipping out whenever they want to. A lot of their kids play sports on Sundays so that takes priority over anything else. We never see the same people each week.
I think my wife wouldn’t have a problem quitting either but she feels like she is letting the kids and people down. And she still has a lot of friends and family that go to that Church. I felt guilty like that too, but for my personal sanity I learned to quit pleasing others and worry about myself.
We have skipped out on doing a lot of stuff with us as a couple because Saturday is my day of rest because I know my Sunday is shot because I am spending most of the morning doing something I don’t want to do. If I knew I had two whole days free I would be more apt to go out on Saturdays and I can sleep in on Sunday mornings.
So here I am typing this right now, I skipped out on Church today, but my wife went. It took an argument to get to this point and I still feel like I am letting her down.
I’m also worried about what her parents and some church people would think of me if I quit going, as well as her thinking what they would think of me too I am sure.
I want people to see me as a good person because of who I am and not what "club" I belong too.
But if I don’t do this I am going to be miserable the rest of my life, I can’t do this religion thing anymore. Life is too short.
