Atheists: Can You Still Accept X'n Friends?

[Excited Penguin]

I probably should have specified that I don't have any close friends who are religious, nor do I want any, I don't think. I was trying to be provocative earlier, but it's not really about personal preference as it is just about who I am. I simply couldn't respect a theist enough on an intellectual level to form a deep friendship with him. With me, it's one of two ways. They're either dumber than me and know it, in which case it will be a guided deconversion, or they're smart enough on their own and are either quick to differentiate fantasy from reality by themselves, or I can simply talk over the finer points of religion with them and they get there on their own. I've basically deconverted a former best friend of mine in this way, just by having very long talks with him all day long. When I became an atheist, naturally we talked about it and my non-belief influenced him, though he is smart enough on his own. It is my impression that since we've fallen out he's helped others rationalize and scrutinize their beliefs in a similar manner.

My two best friends are both christians and they are very intelligent. Both have MSc degrees and they have good careers in their field. Their christianity just does not affect that part of their lives, they seem to keep it separate. Christianity, to them, is more about being good and moral, about finding answers to some of the existential questions in life. They are people that I respect a lot, people with good character, people who care about the right things. I can talk with them about intellectual topics and this is never a problem. When I talk about religion with them, they are interested in finding out my reasoning and my experiences, because it is important for me. On my turn, I listen to them when they talk about religion, and I show interest in that, because it is important for their lives. We don't try to convince each other, but of course we influence each other.

Some other friends of me deconverted because of our conversations. That was their free choice, they were doubting their faith and had a need to find answers and I just told them my ideas and perspective. I did not pressure them in any way, I have no need to spread my ideas. I don't think it was just because of their intelligence that they were able to make this change, it was because they were curious to find answers to some questions and they were curious and disciplined enough to pursue them. Other people just don't have this need, perhaps because christianity "works" for them, that they get some benefits out of believing and that they don't have many downsides.

I used the word smart concerning certain blatant forms of irrationality, like religion, so your point about their degrees and all that didn't really hit the spot. Anyway, I'm glad you can overlook it, but for me, a good friendship is about a certain amount of mutual respect, and I just can't bring myself to respect someone who can't see religion for what it is.

Religion isn't like any other topic. I wouldn't dream of not becoming friends with someone because of their political, philosophical, economical or artistic preferences and opinions. Religion is a bit too silly to compare it to any kind of knowledge out there. That's what it is, after all, it's silliness embodied with a bit of crazy on top. I don't think it's very controversial even to dislike religious people as a general rule, let alone not wish to become besties with them. How about they grow out of it instead of me enabling their dangerous fantasies.