Humping surrogate suggestions.

[Minimalist]

Once when I was working I was talking to a woman through her screen door when I felt this pressure on the back of my thigh.  I looked down and thought it was a bear.
She laughed and said, "oh, that's Brutus....he's a big fluff ball."  Which he was, very friendly but immense dog.  All he was doing was pressing the top of his head on my leg.

To this day I'm glad he wasn't horny.