RE: Does marital reconciliation work?
May 19, 2011 at 11:05 am
(This post was last modified: May 19, 2011 at 12:01 pm by Oldandeasilyconfused.)
(May 19, 2011 at 7:53 am)Gawdzilla Wrote: "Counseling: Something where somebody tries talk you into doing something you wanted to do anyway, or fails to talk you into doing something you didn't want to do at all."
Pithy; I've been a Lifeline counselor. A good counselor gets you to make the decisions,presenting only options,and does not have a personal agenda. Choosing not to change or do nothing are THE most common decisions. People can and do change ,but rarely on demand.
Quote:The question is between whether you force the issue with her directly and today, go on with your life and wait for the rebound, or drop her altogether (don't take her back if she comes back). I don't see another option, but then I'm not you
Thank you Aerzia and everyone else who has commented.
I've already forced the issue and locked myself into a hard position. I sent another letter today, after talking to my only real friend,whom I've known for near 40 years and trust with my life. He also happens to be a registered psych nurse/qualified psychotherapist AND barrister (like a US ADA) He's a bit bright.
I quote part of the letter for those interested:
Quote:You say you love me dearly. I believe you,I believe you also love your dog dearly. I believed you when you said you did not want the marriage back. I believe you love X more than me. You do not get to have X and me both. You get to keep your dog.
Quote:Please don't tell me when the wheels fall off your freshly painted little red wagon. (and they almost certainly will) Please never again assume my feelings or resolve have changed or imply yours have by contacting me,unless you've had an epiphany. With that miraculous event little piggies will fly around your kitchen as you decide you love and want me as a man,rather than as a fucking lap dog. I'm unable to lend you my piggies.They're in the bin with your shredded photo.
Quote:I don't know what it will take for me to trust you again, but quite a lot more than words of endearment. Turning up on my doorstep wearing only a raincoat and a smile would be a good start. I kid you not.
There's a lot more,I had a quite cathartic little rant. Some of it was a bit unkind. My intention was to hurt her ego,so she will leave me the fuck alone.I think this may have done the trick. Of course I want her back,I'm nuts about her .BUT,there's an "imbalance" in our feelings for one another. Ain't gonna happen,ever. I've had two major loves in my life and several minor ones. (my ex wife was one of the minor ones) This one has been the most important to me. I'm 63 and hormone production has reduced a lot in recent years. What is left is a visceral love of and desire for only one woman. If I can't have her, I'd rather be alone. Stamp foot! (oh fuck,I hurt meself).
