(May 19, 2011 at 11:05 am)padraic Wrote: There's a lot more, I had a quite cathartic little rant. Some of it was a bit unkind. My intention was to hurt her ego, so she will leave me the fuck alone. I think this may have done the trick. Of course I want her back, I'm nuts about her. BUT, there's an "imbalance" in our feelings for one another. Ain't gonna happen,ever. I've had two major loves in my life and several minor ones (my ex wife was one of the minor ones). This one has been the most important to me. I'm 63 and hormone production has reduced a lot in recent years. What is left is a visceral love of and desire for only one woman. If I can't have her, I'd rather be alone. Stamp foot! (oh fuck, I hurt meself).
In a situation like this, I think you did the right thing by telling her to leave you alone. And if you said it like you mean it, then you shouldn't feel bad about it in the future, even though you were a little bit harsh in your reply. But ultimately, what matters is that you said whatever you wanted to say.
As for the highlighted parts, it looks to me that you were really emotionally attached to her. But now, you just have to unattach yourself. That's going to be better for your health. It may be very hard at first, since you said that you deeply loved her for 17 years, but with time, patience, and strength, I think you should be able to do it. Otherwise, you're just going to be hurting yourself. Sometimes you should stop listening to what your heart wants and listen to what your mind is telling you.
Also, try to discontinue contacts with her from Facebook, e-mails, and whatnot, and concentrate on other things in your life and do what you love doing. Good luck in everything.
