Conflicting Thoughts

[Mister Agenda]

Hey I am from India and i am a Hindu by religion. I just wanted to discuss some conflicting thoughts I have having about the whole existence of GOD

Hi, firstly I want to say thank u so much for welcoming me here. It feels so good to finally be able to talk about what I have been feeling for years..I am married and my entire family is so orthodox..They do puja everyday after bath and I keep staring pretending to pay my respects or so when actually I think about something else...

Welcome to the forum, Monalisa. I hope you like it here.

My problem is I just dont believe the fact that GOD is there and he watches us and we have to be good otherwise something bad will happen etc etc.. 
 
For many years I believed it though.. I always did what is right and before doing anything bad I always used to pray to god and say sorry n stuff.. But all of that is a lie because to be frank I do not believe it.. 

Hindus have a lot of deities and we have several occasions where we sit around the idol of that deity and give him food and stuff and chant mantras .. I have noticed my entire family just keep their eyes closed and they somehow seem to be so engrossed .. I tried that too.. did not work..

Sometimes I feel so guilty.. Maybe I am wrong.. 

Just recently I lost my dog.. and people say that if you pray to god n be good then he listens to you..

That is not true.. Sometimes I feel that if I talk about this with my husband or someone else, they will feel that I am a freak bcz as a Hindu it is actually a crime..

You're not alone. It can be very difficult to break with a viewpoint you were raised to believe and which everyone around you seems to take for granted as true; whether you're Hindu, Muslim, Christian, Buddhist, Jain, or whatever. You have a right, even if those around you don't recognize it, to freedom of conscience; to believe what you are convinced of and to not believe what doesn't convince you. It's a precious right, but sometimes we're in a situation where we have to keep our difference of opinion to ourselves. That's one of the reasons places like this exist.