How I deal with no afterlife

[Lek]

If I am special and have value as a human being, that creates a major conflict for me.  This conflict would be that for such a special and valuable person as myself to just forever rot and decay away would be the greatest insult to my value and specialness as a human being.

It would be utterly demeaning of my value and specialness.  It would be just tossing me away like trash.  So in order to resolve this conflict, I would have to deem myself as nothing special at all and of no value.  However, if I am immortal and do get to live forever in heaven, then there would be no conflict.

So, in short, if there is a heaven for me to live forever in, then I would deem myself as valuable and special since that conflict would not exist.  But if there is no afterlife, then I would just view myself as a piece of shit who might as well just die anyway.

This would also apply to the relationship I have with my own family and how I view other human beings.

I'm having a bit of trouble determining where you stand. Since you don't believe in God, is it your view that there is no afterlife and so you're a piece of shit? Or is it that even though there is no God, there might still be a heaven, and so an afterlife, in which case you may not be just a piece of shit? How can you be demeaned by not having an afterlife if nobody exists who could enable you to have an afterlife? In order to be demeaned there has to be someone to be demeaning to you.