How I deal with no afterlife

[jebus]

If I am special and have value as a human being, that creates a major conflict for me.  This conflict would be that for such a special and valuable person as myself to just forever rot and decay away would be the greatest insult to my value and specialness as a human being.

It would be utterly demeaning of my value and specialness.  It would be just tossing me away like trash.  So in order to resolve this conflict, I would have to deem myself as nothing special at all and of no value.  However, if I am immortal and do get to live forever in heaven, then there would be no conflict.

So, in short, if there is a heaven for me to live forever in, then I would deem myself as valuable and special since that conflict would not exist.  But if there is no afterlife, then I would just view myself as a piece of shit who might as well just die anyway.

This would also apply to the relationship I have with my own family and how I view other human beings.

I personally just accepted it, but it was a boring time and it had no relevance in my everyday life. now I see prolonging life as a need that should be satisfied and that is more plausible then an afterlife.