RE: Have we asked theists what they'd do if their kids turned out like us?
December 6, 2016 at 8:59 pm
I don't have to imagine it. This happened to me. 6 times.
First was my oldest son. It was around Christmas time, and I was putting up the Christmas tree, and he told me that he doesn't believe in god, and that people who do are 'stupid'. He said he didn't want to celebrate Christmas anymore because he's not a Christian. I tell him "Okay. One less person to buy presents for." That, he doesn't like. He still wanted presents. He was very much okay with the whole 'receiving' of gifts part. It was everything else about Christmas that he hated--including the family dinner. So I tell him that if he's not coming to Christmas dinner, I'm not buying him a Christmas present. He then says I'm forcing him to do something he doesn't want to do. I tell him I'm not forcing him to do anything, but if he wants a present he can do all the other stuff too (I mean fuck, we never even went to church for Mass or anything like that. In fact I've never taken my kids to church. The most religious thing I think I've ever done at Christmas was put up a manger scene). We get into a big argument, leading to me eventually telling him to fuck off after he says that his father (who was almost never in the picture) was a better parent than I am. We then went several years without speaking to each other, and still are on poor terms.
Next was my youngest daughter. She approached it much better than my oldest son. She just asks me one day if I've ever read the bible, and tells me all the horrible terrible things it says in it. (For the record, my Christian Belief was always that the ten commandments and do unto others were the only two things that mattered) She explained why she didn't believe, and we had an honestly good talk. Over the years, she's probably gotten me to think more about my beliefs than anyone.
After her, was my middle son. He said that he didn't believe anymore either. That was about it for that. We didn't really discuss it. I just accepted it and moved on.
Then was my youngest son who asked me how I could believe in a God that condemns people to hell. I told him that i didn't, because I don't believe in hell. He asked me how I could do that, and I told him that it just seemed incompatible with the idea of God to me. It was a more meaningful conversation than with either of my other sons, but not as meaningful as with my youngest daughter.
My sister (I raised her) and oldest daughter were next, and they just one day said they didn't believe in God either, and it was left at that.
Through my children, I think my beliefs have changed significantly. They've taught me a lot. I'm not really an atheist yet--I guess Agnostic Deist is the closest to what I am, but I'm not even sure I'd call a creator 'God' anymore. I don't think anyone could have changed my mind the way my kids did. (Except the oldest, he's a douchebag) I'm glad I listened to them, instead of dismissing them or thinking they were going to hell.
First was my oldest son. It was around Christmas time, and I was putting up the Christmas tree, and he told me that he doesn't believe in god, and that people who do are 'stupid'. He said he didn't want to celebrate Christmas anymore because he's not a Christian. I tell him "Okay. One less person to buy presents for." That, he doesn't like. He still wanted presents. He was very much okay with the whole 'receiving' of gifts part. It was everything else about Christmas that he hated--including the family dinner. So I tell him that if he's not coming to Christmas dinner, I'm not buying him a Christmas present. He then says I'm forcing him to do something he doesn't want to do. I tell him I'm not forcing him to do anything, but if he wants a present he can do all the other stuff too (I mean fuck, we never even went to church for Mass or anything like that. In fact I've never taken my kids to church. The most religious thing I think I've ever done at Christmas was put up a manger scene). We get into a big argument, leading to me eventually telling him to fuck off after he says that his father (who was almost never in the picture) was a better parent than I am. We then went several years without speaking to each other, and still are on poor terms.
Next was my youngest daughter. She approached it much better than my oldest son. She just asks me one day if I've ever read the bible, and tells me all the horrible terrible things it says in it. (For the record, my Christian Belief was always that the ten commandments and do unto others were the only two things that mattered) She explained why she didn't believe, and we had an honestly good talk. Over the years, she's probably gotten me to think more about my beliefs than anyone.
After her, was my middle son. He said that he didn't believe anymore either. That was about it for that. We didn't really discuss it. I just accepted it and moved on.
Then was my youngest son who asked me how I could believe in a God that condemns people to hell. I told him that i didn't, because I don't believe in hell. He asked me how I could do that, and I told him that it just seemed incompatible with the idea of God to me. It was a more meaningful conversation than with either of my other sons, but not as meaningful as with my youngest daughter.
My sister (I raised her) and oldest daughter were next, and they just one day said they didn't believe in God either, and it was left at that.
Through my children, I think my beliefs have changed significantly. They've taught me a lot. I'm not really an atheist yet--I guess Agnostic Deist is the closest to what I am, but I'm not even sure I'd call a creator 'God' anymore. I don't think anyone could have changed my mind the way my kids did. (Except the oldest, he's a douchebag) I'm glad I listened to them, instead of dismissing them or thinking they were going to hell.
