Theists: How can predetermined fate and free will coexist?

[Tonus]

He saved us as a human so that in one sense, God saves us, and in another sense, we humans actually participate in our own salvation. We aren't damsels in distress. God saves us through Jesus's human action. When we are united in Jesus, we participate in our own salvation. Why? Because Jesus suffers with us.

That's a bit convoluted for me.  I can't understand how a God who can always act unilaterally puts us in positions to suffer or rejoice instead of creating a scenario where we did not suffer.  I cannot accept that anyone but God is to blame for what happens when things go wrong in a world, universe, and reality that he created.

2) What is sympathy and mercy, as you understand them?

We can go with the standard dictionary definitions.

3) Well yes. I said it looked like a failure, because it ended in public execution. Not exactly an expectation of the Christ. But if he tells us that even a perfect life won't avoid suffering (even his didn't)... how easy does a perfect life appear?

I get what you're saying.  Although it should have been an expectation, given the prophecies that were written and his own prediction to his followers, those who were watching from afar (so to speak) would have simply seen a roving preacher who antagonized the wrong guys.  But from the perspective of someone reading the Bible much later, he triumphed.  However, the reason that he suffered was because his perfect human form was in a world that went off the rails... a fate he did not prevent.

4) Exactly. He could have done that. What does it tell us that he chose to remain united to his humanity even in the face of suffering?

If I thought it was real, I would be confused by this.  Why would he choose to suffer?  Indeed, why go through any of it?  So much of this could have been avoided if God had uttered three words: "I forgive you."  Imagine the level of mercy that this would reveal, suspending judgment and giving us a chance to do things right without the unfair shackles of imperfection!

6) No, not necessarily. There is nothing God is not willing to forgive. He would gladly forgive the men who killed him if they asked for the forgiveness.

Now imagine how magnanimous he would be if he forgave them unconditionally?

9) Impressive? Maybe not. Good news for us? I think so, given that he didn't have to.

That's even scarier to me.  God creates the world and two humans and then creates the conditions under which they can fail, with the stipulation that their failure will resonate through all of humanity for thousands of years to come.  And there is nothing we can do to fix that because we are unable to avoid sinning even if we wished that it were not so.  And God is under no obligation to change this scenario.  He could send us all packing to hell if he so wished.

This is where I would be most concerned about knowing for sure that God was truly compassionate and merciful.  Because that would be the only hope I had.  It would not matter that he was right or wrong, that he was at fault or blameless.  All that matters is what he decides to do, because no one can prevent him from acting.  Under those circumstances, anything short of clear and direct action should make us very, very nervous.  The long and convoluted plan to offer us salvation under certain conditions should frighten us because we know that this means that God does not want everyone to be saved, or he would simply save everyone.

10) He cursed us? Or did he create a world in which we curse ourselves...

If he wrote the rules and put all of the pieces on the board, those are really the same thing, aren't they?  And I cannot accept blame for cursing myself.  If two people conspired to turn against God six thousand years ago, I didn't have anything to do with that.  But their curse lives on in me and I am expected to accept this because the guy who made the rules holds all of the cards and this is what he decided to go with.  My options are to blame myself and beg for mercy or face an eternity of suffering.  That's not mercy, that's extortion.

I understand that doesn't convince you, and I truly appreciate your responses.

My goal in any discussion here is to learn what people believe and why they believe it.  The discussion is the reward (or the agony, if I'm engaging Little Rik).  I'm glad for anyone like you who prefers to express his beliefs plainly and openly.  It's not always easy in a forum like this and some folks get discouraged but, in the end, it's just a discussion.  Thanks.