I'm going to check off a bucket list item
February 14, 2017 at 4:58 am
(This post was last modified: February 14, 2017 at 5:10 am by Won2blv.)
I want to try stand up at least once in my life. I only get 3 minutes so I might need to pair it down. Here is my transcript. Think of it a la Bill Maher.
Any feedback or criticism would be greatly appreciated...
Any Trump fans here? He has had a rough start. First, Kellyanne Conway got "counseled" for making an unethical advertisement in front of the presidential seal. Then Michael Flynn steps down because he lied about the fact that those 10 phone calls to Russian diplomats weren't just Christmas greetings, and then Bannon had to put Trump in timeout for using the oval office computer to jerk off on chat roulette. (I think it would be funny to act out Trump stroking his tiny penis on chatroultte)
Flynn had to step down in part because he lied to investigators. He even lied to Mike Pence. When Mike Pence was asked about it, he said, "I didn't think he possibly could have lied because I started and ended the meeting with a prayer"
But seriously, isn't Trump supposed to be this human bull shit detector, able to hire the best and fire the rest?
He actually questioned Flynn too, when he asked him why he called the Russians to make illegal and unethical deals, Flynn said, because you said if I don't... "you're fired" (trump voice)
Trump isn't even a real republican. He is like the weird kid at school that you don't want anything to do with until you find out that they have a playstation. We all knew that kid. Their parents were just grateful that they finally had some free time to get work done. You could say Trumps kids are the like the parent, "come in come in, I'll make you guys some apples and peanut butter. If you put it on your balls he'll lick it off..."
That brings me back to Mike Pence. He is the worse. He literally said that he would stand by his religious views of abortion over the constitution.
I use to be staunchly pro-life, then, I went down a rabbit hole one night where I watched all the youtube videos of a fetus growing from the size of poppy seed to the size of a football. I couldn't help it, I watch a birth video after that. That is the day that I realized, I'm lucky I get to put anything in there, there is no way I'm going to tell you, what can come out!
I just don't get what a hardcore christian like Mike Pence sees in Trump as being so "honorable." I mean what does Pence have in common with this guy that says, without permission he loves to grab a woman by the... Ohhh I get it now.
Trump is like the Terminator when his face gets blown off and you see the monster he is beneath. Except in this version there are a bunch of terminators living among us that are like, "We must rise now that we have a leader"
Its scary to think thhese two guys were just sworn in to protect the constitution from foreign and DOMESTIC enemies.
When Trump was asked what he thought about the constitution he said, "its a horrible deal. I'm going to tear it up and make a new one that puts America First!"
These are 2 babies that should not be allowed to come full term
I also have a joke where mike pence gets raped by his uncle and by some miracle of god gets pregnant. After he is pregnant he reasons that his age, being in the middle of an important career, the fact that it was rape, incest, and his life being in risk due to being the first pregnant man, that an abortion would be justified because in his case, being pregnant was unnatural. Then after he gets an internal ultrasound up his ass and is subjected to a 72 hour waiting period, the doctor tells him that his baby has a mental disability. And Pence himself signed the law that would penalize a doctor for aborting under those circumstances alone, so he'll have to carry it to full term of its presidency
Then he is found bleeding out with a coat hanger shoved up his peehole. This could be like a beautiful french film that represents his political career
Any feedback or criticism would be greatly appreciated...
Any Trump fans here? He has had a rough start. First, Kellyanne Conway got "counseled" for making an unethical advertisement in front of the presidential seal. Then Michael Flynn steps down because he lied about the fact that those 10 phone calls to Russian diplomats weren't just Christmas greetings, and then Bannon had to put Trump in timeout for using the oval office computer to jerk off on chat roulette. (I think it would be funny to act out Trump stroking his tiny penis on chatroultte)
Flynn had to step down in part because he lied to investigators. He even lied to Mike Pence. When Mike Pence was asked about it, he said, "I didn't think he possibly could have lied because I started and ended the meeting with a prayer"
But seriously, isn't Trump supposed to be this human bull shit detector, able to hire the best and fire the rest?
He actually questioned Flynn too, when he asked him why he called the Russians to make illegal and unethical deals, Flynn said, because you said if I don't... "you're fired" (trump voice)
Trump isn't even a real republican. He is like the weird kid at school that you don't want anything to do with until you find out that they have a playstation. We all knew that kid. Their parents were just grateful that they finally had some free time to get work done. You could say Trumps kids are the like the parent, "come in come in, I'll make you guys some apples and peanut butter. If you put it on your balls he'll lick it off..."
That brings me back to Mike Pence. He is the worse. He literally said that he would stand by his religious views of abortion over the constitution.
I use to be staunchly pro-life, then, I went down a rabbit hole one night where I watched all the youtube videos of a fetus growing from the size of poppy seed to the size of a football. I couldn't help it, I watch a birth video after that. That is the day that I realized, I'm lucky I get to put anything in there, there is no way I'm going to tell you, what can come out!
I just don't get what a hardcore christian like Mike Pence sees in Trump as being so "honorable." I mean what does Pence have in common with this guy that says, without permission he loves to grab a woman by the... Ohhh I get it now.
Trump is like the Terminator when his face gets blown off and you see the monster he is beneath. Except in this version there are a bunch of terminators living among us that are like, "We must rise now that we have a leader"
Its scary to think thhese two guys were just sworn in to protect the constitution from foreign and DOMESTIC enemies.
When Trump was asked what he thought about the constitution he said, "its a horrible deal. I'm going to tear it up and make a new one that puts America First!"
These are 2 babies that should not be allowed to come full term
I also have a joke where mike pence gets raped by his uncle and by some miracle of god gets pregnant. After he is pregnant he reasons that his age, being in the middle of an important career, the fact that it was rape, incest, and his life being in risk due to being the first pregnant man, that an abortion would be justified because in his case, being pregnant was unnatural. Then after he gets an internal ultrasound up his ass and is subjected to a 72 hour waiting period, the doctor tells him that his baby has a mental disability. And Pence himself signed the law that would penalize a doctor for aborting under those circumstances alone, so he'll have to carry it to full term of its presidency
Then he is found bleeding out with a coat hanger shoved up his peehole. This could be like a beautiful french film that represents his political career
