I have a layman's theory about quantum physics "spookiness"

[Alex K]

So ....... it's a solid who the fuck knows, maybe?
It does one's head in...

Yes, I'd say so. The problem seems to be that we don't know which interpretation of quantum mechanics is correct, if any, so all we know is that quantum shit looks random, but we don't know how this randomness arises or whether it is only an illusion created by underlying "hidden variables".

For example, in Bohmian Quantum Mechanics, the positions of all particles are actually defined exactly and there is no true randomness, only classical randomness which is created by our lack of information about the microscopic configurations of everything, and the effects of chaos. If there is entanglement, in Bohmian mechanics all entangled particles do influence the movement of all other particles instantaneously, but the underlying randomness of their positions prevents us from simply transmitting information. If one knew exactly the positions of these point particles, it might be possible within this theory to use entanglement to transmit information. However, Bohmian mechanics is difficult to integrate with Relativity anyways, so who knows how exactly the full theory would work.

In the "Many Worlds" Everett interpretation, you as the observer become entangled with everything else when you make a measurement, and the different versions of you will have measured all the possible outcomes - but since each individual copy of you didn't know in which time line it would end up, this creates the impression of randomness which for all practical purposes erases any information that one might have transmitted via entanglement.