So I think that my roommate and I are locked in a power struggle. It's just the two of us in our apartment in student housing, so we're stuck with each other for the time being. There's kind of a hostile feeling between us, which I don't want.
It started with him getting on my case for cleaning up after myself. I started being better about cleaning up after myself, and I pointed out that the messes he left were as big as mine. He resisted this, maintaining that it was my messes that mattered and that his messes were irrelevant. In one discussion there were some crumbs and some goop he'd left lying on the table in front of me, which I pointed out, and it took going in circles with the discussion 3 or 4 times before he agreed that his mess was a problem and that he needed to clean it up. Each time he pointed out a mess of mine, I said I would clean it up, and then I'd point out a mess of his, and he'd say that his mess wasn't important.
He's also tried to set me up with people several times and has tried to get me to try online dating several times. I refused in every case, and eventually he stopped asking.
I get the feeling that this isn't really about cleaning up messes, because today he left a puddle of coffee on the counter and on the coffee table. He also leaves his laundry detergent and a bag of oranges and his backpack in the living room, so to me, it's not about cleaning up messes. I think this is more that he's trying establish that he's in charge of the apartment and that he's the dominant one in our roommate-ship. So far my resistance to his efforts to establish dominance have only frustrated him further.
Any advice on what to do? I was going to be upfront with him and say that I think this dispute is about dominance rather than messiness, but if you have a better idea, let me know.
It started with him getting on my case for cleaning up after myself. I started being better about cleaning up after myself, and I pointed out that the messes he left were as big as mine. He resisted this, maintaining that it was my messes that mattered and that his messes were irrelevant. In one discussion there were some crumbs and some goop he'd left lying on the table in front of me, which I pointed out, and it took going in circles with the discussion 3 or 4 times before he agreed that his mess was a problem and that he needed to clean it up. Each time he pointed out a mess of mine, I said I would clean it up, and then I'd point out a mess of his, and he'd say that his mess wasn't important.
He's also tried to set me up with people several times and has tried to get me to try online dating several times. I refused in every case, and eventually he stopped asking.
I get the feeling that this isn't really about cleaning up messes, because today he left a puddle of coffee on the counter and on the coffee table. He also leaves his laundry detergent and a bag of oranges and his backpack in the living room, so to me, it's not about cleaning up messes. I think this is more that he's trying establish that he's in charge of the apartment and that he's the dominant one in our roommate-ship. So far my resistance to his efforts to establish dominance have only frustrated him further.
Any advice on what to do? I was going to be upfront with him and say that I think this dispute is about dominance rather than messiness, but if you have a better idea, let me know.
